The Best Goodbye Read online

  “If he can be there, then he will be. That I do know,” I assured her, wanting to ease my too-blunt answer.

  She smiled then. “I bet he’ll want to be. You can make a big, yummy red velvet cake. I love those. He does, too—he said so. I asked him. He’ll love yours. You make the best.”

  “If red velvet is what you want, then that’s what I’ll make,” I assured her.

  She seemed happy with this. Standing up, she walked over and kissed my cheek. “I’ll brush my teeth, and then I’ll be ready for school.”

  I nodded, gave her a squeeze, and watched my little girl bounce off. I wanted her to have it all. And to her, Captain was part of that.

  If only I could control everything in her life and fulfill all of her hopes and dreams.

  • • •

  Once Addy was at school and I was back home, I put on a pair of shorts and a tank top and decided it was a good time to clean the house from top to bottom. I was thankful it was Jamieson who answered when I called in sick. He told me he hoped I was better soon and was very professional and polite. I wondered how long his enthusiasm was going to last.

  Not having to deal with Captain had been a major plus for me. I wasn’t sure if this would affect my night off, though. I knew he wanted to eat with Franny. I figured since he was still the boss, he’d make sure I was still off work that night.

  Today’s plan was to clean and forget yesterday completely. Especially the moments in his office when I’d made a fool of myself by melting into him like an idiot. The way he had dismissed me so easily had felt like being doused with a bucket of cold water. After watching the way he’d treated women for the past month, I had thought I was smarter than that.

  I didn’t blame Elle now. If he’d turned that smoldering, breathtaking intensity on her, no wonder she was obsessed with him. And he hadn’t turned her away, either. He’d taken what she was offering. My offering, however, was too inexperienced for him. Asshole. Womanizing asshole.

  Once, I had been what he wanted. The fact I’d only been with him had made us closer. He’d been proud of it and made me feel special. Our eyes would lock across a crowded hallway at school, and we’d connect without words. It had bonded us in a way that ruined me for anyone else. I hadn’t wanted that kind of connection with someone else.

  That had changed for him, though. He wanted other things now, and he didn’t want to teach me. Fine. Whatever. I didn’t need him, either. The only thing I hated was that his actions were tarnishing the memory of what we once had. I’d held the memory of one particular night close, and it had kept me warm when I was lonely. Now it was not enough. Or maybe I simply wasn’t enough.

  Ten years ago

  I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror. Could others see that I was different? I felt different, and I could see the difference.

  River had held me for hours last night after we’d had sex. Then he’d cleaned me up and taken care of my sheets early this morning, before pulling me back into his arms for a kiss and going back to his room.

  I hadn’t been able to go back to sleep after he’d left. All I could do was smile as I stared at the ceiling, remembering every moment. It had hurt, but the way he had held me and whispered in my ear about how much he loved me had helped ease the throbbing until he could move again.

  His face when he’d stilled and stared down at me, his jaw going slack and his eyes glazing over, had been beautiful. I wanted to see that again. Seeing the condom as he’d pulled it off, streaked with my blood, had startled me, but he’d taken his T-shirt and cleaned between my legs, telling me it was normal the first time. I trusted him. I didn’t feel that saying I loved him was enough now. It was so much more than that. He was what completed me. He made my life full.

  Now River came up behind me, slipped his arms around my waist, and looked at our reflection in the mirror. I watched him as he turned his head to kiss my temple before looking back at me. Our eyes said more than we ever could.

  His tanned arms were turning into the muscular arms of a man, and I loved having them around me. I also loved the way they’d flexed as he’d held himself over me last night. For a moment, I’d been lost in the way the muscles moved with each rock of his hips. Another thing about him that was beautiful.

  “How do you feel?” he asked me, watching me closely.

  The smile on my face should have told him all he needed to know. “Perfect.”

  He swallowed hard and put his palm flat against my stomach and pulled me tighter against his chest. “Me, too.”

  Captain

  Her car was in the driveway when I pulled up to Addy’s house. When I’d gotten to the office and found out she’d called in sick, I had turned and walked right back out. She wasn’t sick. At least, I hoped she wasn’t. I was more than positive she’d called in sick to stay away from me. Which I deserved, dammit. Last night had gone wrong. I wanted to get close to her and have a relationship with my daughter.

  I wanted Addy. There, I said it. I fucking wanted Addy. The idea of her with anyone else drove me mad. But how could I have her? The man I was now could never be someone she would love.

  I parked my truck and headed for her door, not sure what I intended to say, but I had to say something. This thing between us had to be fixed for Franny’s sake—and my sanity. Sleeping last night had been impossible. The look on Addy’s face before she had turned and walked out of my office had taunted me. How could I protect her from me? I’d protected her from everyone else, but I’d never had to protect her from me.

  The small porch of the guest house they rented was clean, with potted flowers giving the place a homey feel. Even the steps were swept clean. Addy gave our daughter so much. I’d never be able to give her what Addy could. But I wanted to give her everything in my power.

  Before I hit the top step, the door swung open, and Addy stood there, glaring at me. That should have been the first thing I worried about: what I was going to say to fix this. But that wasn’t what caught my attention.

  She wasn’t wearing a bra. Her much larger breasts were crammed into a top that wasn’t quite big enough to contain them. God help me, I wanted her naked.

  “Why are you here?” she snapped.

  I had to shake my head and force my eyes off her tits to regain focus. Looking up at her angry face helped. I didn’t want her angry at me. I had to find a way to make up for last night and the shitty way I’d handled things. But she needed a bra. A potato sack would be even better. “I came to talk,” I said.

  “Talk,” she said, not moving from the door, a look of steel on her face. That only made her hotter. A mad Addy was not a scary one.

  “Can I come in?”

  “No,” she snapped.

  I was going to have to do better than this. “Addy, I’m sorry. I was an asshole last night, and I would like to talk about what happened. Please.”

  That softened her up a bit. I could see the anger she was using like a shield slip some. She bit down on her bottom lip and took a step back. That was a good sign. “OK. Fine.”

  When she turned to walk back inside, I took the moment to enjoy the view of her ass. It was a jerk move, but her body was so filled out now, and I hadn’t seen it naked looking like this. The body I had once claimed as mine no longer looked the same, and I wanted to see more of it.

  “Would you like a drink?” she asked, glancing back at me.

  I jerked my gaze off her butt to shake my head. “No, I’m good, thanks.”

  “OK, then, talk.” She looked at me with a directness I wasn’t used to from her. Lately, she hardly looked me in the eyes. But then I’d brought that on myself, too. She motioned for me to take a seat on the sofa, and she sat in the chair across from it.

  I wished I’d come more prepared. I had made a rushed decision to come over once she wasn’t at work, but now that I had her alone, I didn’t know where to start. She looked annoyed. Again, I wasn’t used to that.

  “What happened in my office, I handled that wrong. I got caught
up in the moment, and then your words brought me back to reality. For . . .” I paused, because this next part needed to be worded carefully. Upsetting her now wasn’t a good idea. I doubted she’d give me another chance to rectify things. And for Franny’s sake more than anything else, I needed her to like me. Trust me. Again.

  “The past ten years vanished, and it was just us. You were . . . mine, and I lost my head. I was back there in that time when you trusted me and you were the reason I woke up every morning. My head was slow catching up with my heart or emotions or whatever. I just handled it all wrong. When I realized what I was doing, it was too late. I’d taken a step too far.”

  Addy’s gaze dropped to her lap as she twisted her hands. I’d have given anything to know what she was thinking. I replayed what I’d said in my head, hoping it sounded the way I’d meant it to. Downplaying what had happened between us wasn’t what I wanted to do. Not with Addy. Because I had been lost in her at that moment and wouldn’t take it back.

  “I think I got lost, too. You were just River for a moment. So I understand.” She lifted her gaze to meet mine, and I saw hurt there that twisted my gut. “But what happened in the kitchen? Why did you get so angry? Neither Brad nor I did anything to ignite your anger.”

  Shit. Fuck. I didn’t have an answer for this, and if this was why she looked hurt, I hated that even more. The idea that she might have feelings for Brad just about undid me. I couldn’t handle it. No, we weren’t the Addy and River from our past, but hell if I was going to sit back and let her fall in love with another man when I’d been the only one she’d ever known.

  That knowledge had kept me up all night. Addy had only been touched by me. She’d given herself to me, and she was still mine in that sense. Whether she wanted to admit it or not, she had saved herself for me. In her heart, she belonged to me.

  Fuck if that didn’t make me feel like a caveman. I wanted that. I loved it. I obsessed over it. And I wanted to keep it that way. Fact was, I couldn’t keep every Brad out of her life, nor did she deserve that. It wasn’t fair.

  Especially since I was too fucked-up to be what she needed.

  I knew she was waiting for me to answer her. I could lie. It would be easier on both of us. But I didn’t want to lie to her.

  “I was jealous,” I said simply. Her eyes widened, and she didn’t say anything, but the surprise on her face meant that I needed to say more. She’d get the wrong idea.

  “You’d just told me I was the only man you’d ever been with. Old feelings came roaring back, and I won’t lie to you, Addy, for a man, that’s intense. Especially when we had the connection we had. One that has stayed with me and changed the course of my life. Knowing you’d only been with me, well, that had me raw. When I heard Brad making you laugh, I snapped. The possessiveness I have no right to feel clawed to the surface, and I acted like a jackass. I shouldn’t have. I won’t again. I’m sorry.”

  Addy let out a sigh and nodded. She kept her expression neutral. The only thing that gave anything away was her eyes. They were unsure. That much I knew. I wouldn’t lead her on. I couldn’t do that to her or our daughter. What we needed was a friendship. That was something I could give her. I’d keep the dirt on my hands off her.

  “I want to be in Franny’s life. She’s perfect. I thought she was all you, but she’s just your look-alike. She has me in her as well, and seeing that is the most precious gift I’ve ever been given. You were the only family that mattered in my life for so long. Now you’ve given me someone who’s a part of me. Someone I can love unconditionally.”

  Addy’s eyes filled with unshed tears, and she sniffed and nodded her head. “OK. Yeah. I want you in her life, too. She wants you there. She’s already telling everyone at school her father is the biggest, strongest man on earth.” She blinked back the tears. “Our past will come up sometimes. It’s impossible for it not to. Emotions will get tangled, and I don’t think we can stop that from happening. But I want Franny to have you in her life. I want her to have what we didn’t.”

  Addy had already given her that, but I understood what she meant. I wanted that, too. I just had to protect Addy from me while giving them both what they needed.

  Addy

  Things at work went smoothly with Captain after he came over. I tried not to wish for more. Every time he smiled at me or made a joke, watching me to see if I’d laugh, my heart melted a little more. I knew that guy. River was beginning to show through, and every time he did, I fell just a little more.

  Brad had taken a major step back, and I was actually relieved. I didn’t want to feel like I had to be careful around Brad if he flirted with me. Captain had said he wouldn’t do it again, but I simply didn’t like the idea of Captain having a hard time watching Brad and me together. Maybe that was a weak-woman thing, and maybe I should be stronger. Make him suffer. But I didn’t play games. I wasn’t going to start now.

  I wasn’t interested in Brad romantically, so using him to get to Captain was wrong. Luckily, Brad had taken Captain’s hint and backed off completely. Now he simply nodded when he saw me. I rarely even got a smile.

  When that didn’t sting, I knew that Brad had just been filling the emptiness I’d lived with for ten years. He deserved better than to be the filler guy. He was a great guy. Just not the one I wanted.

  Tonight was our dinner night with Captain. Franny had been bouncing off the walls since she’d gotten home from school. She had asked me three times if her sundress was pretty. It was her favorite sundress, and seeing her so eager to please Captain made me smile.

  “Come here,” I told her, drying off my hands after washing up the rest of the dishes from this morning.

  She walked over to me, looking up at me with eyes so much like my own.

  “Your father thinks you’re the most beautiful, perfect little girl he’s ever seen. He’s proud of you. He’ll love this dress, but he would also love the denim shorts and T-shirt you were wearing earlier. He doesn’t care what you wear. His love is not something you have to earn. He loved you the moment he found out you were his. It’s the way a good parent is. We love unconditionally, because we can’t help it. You’re ours.”

  Franny let out a sigh and smiled, looking like I had just taken a huge burden off her shoulders. “OK,” she whispered. “That’s good. Because I don’t want him to leave.”

  That kind of fear was something I never wanted her to deal with. I was going to talk to Captain about it. I had been honest with her about not being able to control what happened with Captain. He could still leave Rosemary Beach, but I hoped he wouldn’t. He needed to know Franny was struggling with it. Only Captain could ease her mind about this. Not me. She knew I’d always be here. We were a team. Captain hadn’t made the team yet. She didn’t trust him in that way. He had to earn that.

  “Let’s enjoy tonight. You’ll have his complete attention,” I told her, avoiding the rest of her comment.

  Franny gave me a crooked grin that was her father’s. I didn’t point that out to her. “Not all of his attention,” she said, then turned and flounced into the living room.

  I didn’t ask her what that meant. Her thoughts bounced all over the place.

  “He’s here!” she squealed, just as the tires from his truck crunched over the shell driveway. “He’s early!” she added, running to the door.

  He was ten minutes early. That would mean a lot to Franny. I waited where I was and let her open the door and greet him.

  Captain’s eyes immediately dropped to her as she swung the door open when he hit the top step.

  “Hey,” she said, in her bubbly tone that meant all was right with her world. Thanks to him.

  Captain grinned, and the corners of his eyes crinkled, which was new for me. They were marks of a man. A man who had smiled over the years. He’d had reasons to smile. I was thankful for that. I didn’t want to think of him as unhappy.

  “Aren’t you a pretty picture?” he said, and I seriously could have kissed him right then. He’d said exact
ly what she needed to hear. I also wanted to kiss him because, in that button-up blue shirt and faded jeans, he was a bit overwhelming. A man shouldn’t be that beautiful. It wasn’t fair.

  “It’s my favorite dress,” she told him, and spun in a circle to show him how it flared a little at the bottom.

  “I can see why,” he replied, and she beamed even brighter.

  When he lifted his gaze, it locked on me, and I wished my heart didn’t beat a little faster. This was not what we needed. It was not what he wanted. It was a big mistake for me to be attracted to him. It was an even bigger mistake to feel things for him. He could destroy me.

  “Like mother, like daughter,” he said with a slow grin. “Ain’t every day a man gets to take out two of the prettiest girls in town.”

  Franny giggled and turned to look back at me. I managed to get hold of myself and smile back. I walked over to the sideboard, where I had left my purse. With my back turned, I took a deep breath and gave myself a small pep talk in my head.

  “All right, lucky man, let’s go.” I tried to sound teasing, but I was afraid my voice wavered a little.

  Captain held out his hand to Franny, who instantly stuck her small hand in his and led him out the door. I wanted to stop walking and just watch them go. He was so big and masculine, and at times he seemed dangerous. But seeing him with Franny’s little hand in his, her head tilted up, chatting away, was breathtaking.

  I touched my stomach and ordered my ovaries to calm down before they combusted. Get over it, Addy.

  Franny climbed into the front of Captain’s truck and tried to scoot over so I could fit, too. But I needed the space to get myself together again. I opted to get into the back of his extended cab. Franny buckled up happily and began to tell Captain about every moment of her day.

  I listened to him respond when he needed to, and it was obvious he was enjoying himself. I couldn’t imagine him leaving Rosemary Beach. Not when he wanted this relationship. For Franny’s sake, this was another conversation I’d have to have with him.