The Best Goodbye Page 13
Deep down, I knew that I didn’t want him to leave for selfish reasons as well. Although Addy came first in all things, for the first time since I’d held her in my arms, I wanted something for me, too. Something I could never have, so I had to deal with it, and fast. Franny’s happiness came first.
Captain
I couldn’t get out of my truck fast enough. Chatting with Franny was incredible. She wanted to tell me everything, and I loved it. But God help me, Addy smelled so damn good my hands were sweating. Her scent had engulfed my truck, and every small move she made was like an electric jolt to my senses. I was so wound up by the time we parked that I jerked open my door and climbed out just to take a deep breath that wasn’t filled with Addy.
Clearing my head was the most important thing right now. I was getting to know my daughter and building a friendship with her mother. Not getting a fucking hard-on every time I thought about Addy’s soft skin was the most important thing right now.
Jesus, I was fucked.
I took one more breath of Addy-free air before walking around the front of the truck to open Franny’s door and help her down. Addy opened her own door and climbed out. I’d wanted to help her, too, but she hadn’t waited, so I let it go. She wanted to define this thing with us, and I had to let her.
I was caving fast. My good intentions were hard to hold on to when she smelled like heaven, looked like an angel, and was wearing a fucking red sundress. Damn dress was making it hard to keep my attention off her.
“What place is this?” Franny asked.
“It’s the best burger place around, and it’s on the water. I thought I’d take us out of Rosemary Beach for a change. This is Grayton Beach. You’ll like it. There’s live music outside on the water if you want to listen after we eat.”
She smiled brightly and nodded. I was beginning to think she’d be happy to do whatever I suggested. That was a humbling realization. This little girl had just met me, and she already wanted to be near me, to talk to me, to have me in her life. This should have been harder, but with Franny, nothing was hard.
Now, with her mother . . . I shook that thought off. I wasn’t thinking about Addy right now. I’d do that at home alone tonight.
“I can play the guitar,” Franny announced, watching me closely. “Mommy taught me. But she plays better.”
Unable not to look at Addy, who was walking quietly behind us, I let myself get lost for a moment, in a time when we were us, when she would only play for me. I remembered when I’d traded my baseball card collection that my dad had given me, which his dad had given him, for a used guitar at a pawn shop. Addy never knew how I got that guitar, and I never told her, but she’d loved it. We had kept it hidden under her bed, and she had only played it down by the pond or whenever my mother wasn’t home. When she’d left—when I thought she was gone—I’d gotten the guitar from under her bed. It was in a box, stored safely in my boathouse. I hadn’t taken it out in years.
Tonight I would. Holding it wouldn’t cause unbearable pain now. When the time was right, I’d give it back to its rightful owner.
Addy shifted her gaze to meet mine, and a smile touched her lips. “She’s a natural,” she said.
I made myself look away from her. “I bet she is. Her mother is incredibly talented,” I said, looking straight ahead so neither of the girls could see my eyes; they’d say more than needed to be said.
“Did Mommy play for you when you loved her?” Franny asked innocently.
When you loved her. Those four words were too much. I just nodded.
“She used to play for me at night and sing me songs until I fell asleep. Then she taught me to play,” Franny continued.
Another thing Addy had given our daughter.
“Hey, they have homemade Key lime pie here!” Franny said, doing a little jump of happiness. “Look at that sign. It’s the world’s best. I love Key lime pie.”
“Then we’ll order a whole pie and eat until we’re sick,” I told her.
She giggled, then looked back at her mother. “I think he’s teasing. I won’t eat until I’m sick.”
Addy’s soft laugh sent warm tingles down my spine. “I’m sure he’s teasing.”
“Me? Teasing? I’m completely serious,” I said, glancing back over my shoulder to wink at her.
The flash of heat in her eyes didn’t go unnoticed.
Yeah. We were fucked. If she wanted me like I wanted her, we were so screwed.
Franny let go of my hand and ran up the steps to the door of the restaurant. I followed her and put our name in with the hostess. When I turned to find the girls, I saw Franny studying the large tank of saltwater fish. Addy was behind her, pointing out different fish and telling her what they were. The two of them were a lot to take in. I could see others looking at them. One guy from the bar was watching Addy with interest. I leveled a warning glare at him as I walked up behind them and placed my hand on Addy’s lower back.
The man’s gaze shifted to me and then dropped back to his drink. He got the message. I saw then that Addy was staring at me. She had gone very still.
It took me a moment to realize that my hand had made her tense. There was no way to get around the fact that I’d just touched her in a gesture of possession. As much as I didn’t want to, I dropped my hand and looked at the tank. “I’m impressed your momma knows all the names of these fish.”
Franny glanced back at me and grinned. “Mommy knows everything,” she informed me with complete sincerity, then turned back to the fish tank.
I disagreed. If she knew everything, she’d know that dress she was wearing and the perfume she had on was driving me crazy. My touching her back like she was mine wouldn’t have surprised her. If she knew everything, she’d know I was hanging on by a thread.
“Kipling, table for three,” the hostess said behind me.
“That’s us.” I took Franny’s hand.
“Yay!” Her small hand held mine tightly, and I kept it there as we followed the hostess to our table. I’d requested one by the window so we could have a view. Franny sat at the chair by the window and looked up at me hopefully. I knew where she wanted me. I took the seat beside her, and she beamed and looked back at the water outside.
Addy took the chair across from me. And I could smell her.
“Look, they’re playing volleyball out there,” Franny said, pointing to some kids on the beach.
I tried not to imagine things about Addy that I shouldn’t be imagining and tried to focus on my daughter. This night might be the longest of my life, but I couldn’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be.
Addy
By the time Captain pulled into our driveway, Franny had fallen asleep in the front seat. He parked and looked back at me with a small smile. “We wore her out.”
“She wore herself out. I wish I had a fourth of her energy,” I replied, opening my door. “But she enjoyed tonight. Thank you for making it special.” I had the Key lime pie in my lap. Her eyes had lit up when it arrived at the table, and although she had barely finished one slice, it was important to her that he had bought the whole pie.
I climbed down just as Captain walked over to our side. He started to open her door but stopped and looked at me. “Did you have a good night?” His question was sincere. As if he wanted me to say yes.
I’d had a wonderful night, but there were times when I’d forgotten who we were and what we weren’t. The lines had blurred again, and the fantasy that we were the happy family the server thought we were was easy to buy into. I couldn’t let that become something Franny expected. “It was really nice. Thank you,” I replied.
He tilted his head and studied me for a moment. “Just nice, huh?”
The fact that this man needed reassurance was sweet. I wanted to kiss that look off his face, but I quickly snapped out of my giddy moment and stepped back.
Captain followed me with a step of his own. Confused, I watched him, wondering what this was. I couldn’t play teasing games with him.
Oh, God. Oh. God. I was frozen, and moving was impossible.
He moved in closer, until our chests almost touched. We’d been here before. It hadn’t ended well. But although my head was screaming at me to stop, my heart was pounding, and the butterflies in my stomach had taken flight.
“All night, I’ve been drowning in your scent,” he said in a husky whisper, and he lowered his head, his nose brushing my neck.
I let out a shaky breath as I listened to him inhale deeply. “Incredible. My whole truck smells like you now. I’m not going to be able to get you out of my head. Not that I could before.”
His words made my brain go a little foggy. Not good. A hand touched my waist and ran down to settle on my hip.
“So good,” he said, still running his nose along the sensitive skin of my neck. “Nothing’s ever been this good.”
I should have moved. I should have said something. Instead, I grabbed his biceps to steady myself. I was an idiot, but at the moment, I didn’t care. I wanted more.
When his lips touched the base of my throat, I inhaled so sharply I startled myself and tightened my hold on him. “Just let me taste a little. I need a small taste of you. I swear, I’ll stop.” I wasn’t sure if he was begging me or convincing himself.
If I could talk, I would tell him I was at his mercy, and he could do whatever he wanted. It had been so long since I’d been touched like this. So very long.
His other hand slid over my hip and then behind my back, until it was pressed against my bottom. He pulled me close as his lips trailed kisses along my collarbone and back up my neck.
My head fell back, giving him more access to my neck. My body was becoming liquid heat, and I was sure he could do whatever he wanted at this point, and I’d let him.
His other hand slid into my hair and cupped the back of my head while he kissed his way up my neck, stopping to give me small licks where my pulse beat furiously. He pressed his tongue against one small point and groaned.
“I need your mouth again, Addy,” he said. Before I could even think to respond, he covered mine with his own.
I gave him what he wanted, because I wanted it, too. The plumpness of his lips drove me to shiver and cling desperately to him. He picked me up until our bodies were flush. The friction I’d get if I opened my legs and wrapped them around him was so tempting I had to fight not to do it. I had to stop this.
Franny was asleep in the truck, but if she woke up, she’d see us, and it would confuse her. She’d think something was happening that wasn’t. Because this didn’t change anything. He’d said he wanted friendship. So why was I giving him this?
I tore my mouth from his and pushed him away. To get space. To clear my head. God, I was so weak. Franny could have woken up and seen this. What was I thinking? When had I gotten so careless? Furious with myself, I shoved the lingering need back. Franny came first.
“We can’t do this,” I said, sounding like I’d just run five miles.
The look in Captain’s eyes was too much, so I looked over his shoulder at the moon. I couldn’t look at him right now. I felt the heat he was feeling, too. I just didn’t know what we were going to do with it. Because quickie grope sessions were not something I was OK with.
“I fought touching you all night, and I just . . .” He paused. “I lost control for a minute. I had to touch you and taste you again.”
Well, he got props for being honest. I glanced back at the truck, glad that Franny was still sleeping. “I need to get her to bed. It’s late,” I said.
“I’ll carry her in,” Captain said, turning to open the truck door and retrieve our daughter.
I opened the front door. Deep breaths and the evening breeze helped to cool my flushed skin. I could feel Captain’s eyes on me as he walked inside, but I wouldn’t look at him. I couldn’t. He had to know how this made me feel. This wasn’t fair. He wasn’t being fair.
“Where to?” he whispered. I nodded in the direction of the bedroom and led the way so I could pull back the covers.
I slipped off her sandals and quickly tucked her in, kissing her forehead as she curled deeper into the covers. When I turned around, Captain was watching her sleep. The love in his eyes made my stomach feel funny, and I had to leave him there. If he wanted to soak in that moment, fine. But I didn’t have to watch him do it. That played with another set of my heartstrings.
I felt him move and knew he was following me. The soft click of the bedroom door made me wish I’d stayed in there with Franny. Safe from him. Safe from my weakness and emotions.
“I’m not going to apologize for that out there,” he said, his voice low.
I didn’t turn back to look at him. “I was a willing participant. No need for you to apologize.”
He let out a heavy sigh. “Come on, Addy. Look at me.”
The idea of looking at him scared me. Even now, my body was still humming. Looking at him would not help. “It’s late,” I said.
I heard his heavy footsteps and tensed as his warmth drew closer to me. If he touched me, I had to remember myself. Our daughter was asleep just a room away.
“I want to protect you. From everything. I always have. But I don’t think I can protect you from me. I thought I could.” His voice was so close I could feel the warmth of his breath. “I can’t. I want you too bad. I want to be able to touch you. It’s not gone for me, Addy. None of it is gone.”
I took a step back and bumped into the bar. “Why do you think I need to be protected from you?” I asked. When had I ever needed that?
He dropped his gaze this time, and I thought he was going to shut me out, but instead, he ran the backs of his fingers down my arm and over my hand in a gentle caress. “I’ve done a lot. Things that damaged me. I thought I was too broken ever to feel this way again. I didn’t think my blackened soul could need, want, desire, anyone again.”
Although I wanted to know what he had done, that wasn’t what I was clinging to at the moment. He wanted, needed, and desired me.
“I think you brought a piece of me back to life. The biggest piece of me. The piece I lost when I thought you were gone. I feel so much more than I’ve felt in a long time.” His hand slipped into mine, and I let him thread our fingers together.
“What are we doing?” I asked.
“Everything. We’re doing everything. I’m all in. I’ve always been all in with you. That hasn’t changed.”
Wow. Not what I expected. “What does ‘all in’ mean?” I asked. I didn’t want to hope for anything.
He cupped my face with his free hand. His other hand was still holding mine. “I want you. I want our daughter. I want to be more than a part of your lives. I want to be in your lives. But right now, I want you. I want you so damn bad I can’t focus.”
My mouth opened slightly as I stared up at him.
“Come out to my truck. I just need to touch you a little, Addy. Please,” he begged, pulling me toward him. He didn’t kiss me. He kept his gaze locked on mine as he waited for me to reply.
Franny was a deep sleeper. Going out to his truck was safe. She couldn’t hear us out there. “OK,” I whispered.
He closed his eyes for a moment, and then his hand tightened around mine as he moved so quickly I almost lost my balance. He all but pulled me behind him out the door. When we got to the steps, he scooped me up and took several long strides until he was at his truck, jerking the door open.
I fell back on my elbows onto the backseat and stared at him as he hovered over me. His eyes slowly roved down my body, until they landed on the hem of my sundress, which rode up as I slid back, exposing my bare thighs and a glimpse of the matching red panties underneath.
“Red,” he said, then looked up at me. “They’re fucking red. I was torment
ed all night by what color they might be. Never imagined they’d match this sexy little dress.”
The dress wasn’t sexy. It was a simple red sundress. I liked the way it fit.
He watched my face as he ran his hand up my leg. His fingers slid just inside my closed thighs, and he pushed them open. “I want this,” he said, lowering his mouth to mine.
I wanted this, too, and if he didn’t give it to me, I was going to take it.
His mouth touched mine, and I arched up to taste him. I loved his lips. The more he kissed me, the more obsessed I became with them. I wanted to nibble them and lick them. I wanted to feel them on my body. I trembled as my thoughts became naughtier than I’d let them be in a long time.
Captain moved his hand up until his finger brushed the satin crotch of my panties. I was soaked, and I knew it, but it had been so long, and I wanted him so badly I couldn’t help it.
He broke the kiss but didn’t move from my lips. “So wet. That’s fucking hot. I’m gonna need to taste that, baby.”
I wanted to plead for him to do just that, but I whimpered instead. Which was all he needed.
Captain swore with a growl, and then both his hands were under my dress, tugging my panties down my legs. I lifted my hips and legs, helping him to free me from the unwanted barrier.
He lifted the panties to his nose and sniffed then with a wicked smile, then folded them carefully and laid them on his dashboard like he had all the time in the world. I wiggled, needing something. The gesture was sweet and really sexy, but my body felt like it was on fire.
“Easy,” he said, sliding a hand up my leg. “I’ll make it feel good. I swear.” Then he lifted my leg and put it over his shoulder before doing the same with my other leg.
I stopped breathing as he held my gaze, lowering his head until that first touch almost sent me flying off the seat. I cried out, but his tongue slid against my swollen clit again, and I began moaning. This was too good. I’d been without for so long, and this was going to be too much. My hands grabbed fistfuls of his long hair as he continued his sweet torment, tasting me.