While It Lasts Read online

  The sweat glistened on his back as the sun beat down on him. His work jeans fit on his lower hips giving me a perfect view of his back dimples and the very top of his boxer briefs. He bent over to grab a hay bale and stopped. He stood up and glanced back over his shoulder. When his eyes locked with mine, a wicked grin touched his lips.

  “You see somethin’ ya want, baby?”

  “Maybe. I’m checking things out. Seeing if I’m interested,” I shot back with my own evil grin.

  Both of his dark eyebrows shot up and he turned completely around giving me a view of his sweaty chest. Oh my. That never got old.

  “I see something I want,” he drawled as he came toward me. My heartbeat started that silly fluttery thing it did when he got near me.

  “You do?” I asked as he stopped in front of me and leaned in.

  “Hell yeah, I do,” he murmured. “I love chocolate.”

  What? My excitement turned to confusion. His arm reached out beside me and took the piece of chocolate cake I’d brought him.

  “You’re a tease,” I pouted. He moved to take a seat beside me.

  “Me? You’re the one who comes strutting out here in a pair of tiny shorts and screwing up my work by ogling me with your eyes. Hell, girl. You think a man can work when he knows you’re looking at him like you want a taste?”

  Warm pleasure from his words spread through me. He took a bite of the cake then closed his eyes and made a low groan in his throat. Oh my.

  “Damn baby, that’s good.”

  Yeah, it was good. The way his jaw muscles flexed as he chewed and his throat moved as he swallowed. It was real good.

  “Eva,” Cage said jerking my attention off his very nice, thick, muscular neck.

  “Hmmm?” I replied

  “If I’m gonna eat this cake then you need to talk and stop looking at me like that. You keep that shit up and I’m gonna be eating you and to hell with who catches us.”

  I couldn’t help it. I giggled.

  “Don’t laugh. That wasn’t a joke,” he scolded, cocking an eyebrow at me before taking another bite of cake.

  I forced my eyes away from him all together. It had been two days since we’d been able to do any kind of touching. I was getting worked up very easily.

  “You got company,” Cage said, standing up and moving away from me.

  Company? Who? I jumped down and turned to look up at the driveway. My stomach dropped. I knew that car. Had she seen us? I had to get away from Cage.

  “I gotta go,” I said without looking back at him. I didn’t want him to see the worry in my eyes. If I explained it to him he’d never understand. I wasn’t sure I could explain it. I just didn’t want Elaine Beasley catching me with someone like Cage. She’d be so disappointed.

  Rushing back up the small hill toward the house I silently prayed that she hadn’t been looking out toward the cow pasture when she drove up.

  Elaine had already gotten out of her Lincoln Towncar and was headed my way. The kind smile on her face reminded me of so much. She’d been the only mom I could remember. I was so young when I’d lost my mom. Elaine had been the stand-in while I was growing up. When I needed a mom, Josh always took me to his.

  “Hello Eva,” she said, holding her arms out for a hug. I went willingly. It always felt safe when Elaine hugged me. She smelled like springtime and cookies.

  “Mrs. Elaine, it’s so good to see you,” I replied, hugging her before stepping back.

  “Only because you haven’t been over to visit in a couple weeks. Just because Jeremy is moving off doesn’t mean you can’t come visit me.”

  Guilt settled in my gut. I hadn’t been to see her since the day I’d started lusting over Cage York. Being in Josh’s house made the fun I was having with Cage seem tainted and wrong. I didn’t want to feel that way. So, I stayed away.

  She reached down and picked up my bare left hand. “Jeremy told me you finally took it off. I want you to know I’m glad. I loved him too Eva, but sweetie, it was time to put the ring away.” Her voice was gentle and motherly. It was her son I’d been letting go when I’d taken the ring off but she was happy about it. How?

  “There are still days I want to go grab it and put it back on,” I admitted.

  “I know. There are days when I want to go clean his room and pull back his bed like he’s coming home to get in it.” The emotion in her voice tore at me. God, the pain was still there.

  She shifted her gaze over my shoulder toward the barn. I saw the small concerned pinch in her expression. “Eva, is that the boy who your uncle sent here to work off some trouble he’d gotten into?”

  She’d seen us.

  “Yes ma’am,” I choked out. I didn’t want to admit this to her but what else could I do? She’d seen me sitting on that tailgate all smiles when she’d pulled up. What was she thinking? Did she think I was completely disrespecting Josh by spending time with someone who wasn’t as good and moral as he had been?

  “You know I love you like a daughter. You are just as much mine as Josh and Jeremy. I’ve always worried over you and prayed over you just like I did my boys. I still do. Josh loved you so much. You were his world from the time he was just a boy. He wanted you to have the wonderful life the two of you had planned out. But sweetie, I can tell you that Josh would never have wanted you spending time with that boy.” she nodded her head in the direction of the barn. “He isn’t worthy of you. Josh would want you to find someone who was good and stable. Someone who could take care of you and stand by you through all life’s twists and turns.” Her cold hand reached out and took mine in hers with a gentle squeeze. “You deserve much better than being some little fling for a guy like that one. Don’t let your sorrow and pain send you off on a road that you can’t get back from.”

  My chest felt so heavy. Guilt. Pain. Sorrow. Loss. It all swirled together making it hard for me to take deep breaths. Was she right? Was I throwing Josh’s memory away because Cage York had an amazing body and a sexy smile? Had I become that shallow? Oh, God. Tears stung my eyes and Elaine pulled me back into a hug. “I didn’t mean to upset you, sweetie. Sometimes a momma needs to help us find the right path when we veer off. That’s all.” She smoothed down my hair as she reassured me.

  “Now, let’s talk about other things. More positive things. Like what your plans are now that you’ve decided to drive that nice little Jeep again and start living your life. I want to hear all about it. You are going back to college, aren’t you? I mean you can’t stay here and keep going to the community college. You’re too smart for this place Eva. Oh, and the guitar. Your daddy told me he came home to you playing the other day. I’m so proud of you.” I followed Elaine into the house but I didn’t feel like talking about any of those things. I wanted to go hide in my room and cry. If wanting to be with Cage was so bad, why did it hurt to be told it was wrong? He was the reason I was moving on. Didn’t that count for something?

  Chapter Nineteen

  Cage

  I’d sent Eva two texts and called her once. She still hadn’t responded. The invisible fairy was back but she wasn’t bringing the extra treats like the chocolate cake or strawberry pie. All I got was a thermos of water and an ice towel. Something was fucked up.

  I couldn’t go looking for her and demand she talk to me. Her dad would have my ass thrown off the property. I’d lose my scholarship and I wouldn’t have Eva. What the hell could I do? She wouldn’t talk to me. Our last conversation had been when she’d brought me the chocolate cake. The only thing that I could come up with was something had come up with the lady that came by and she was busy with that. Even still why the fuck wouldn’t she answer my texts?

  I needed to go talk to Wilson anyway. Low could come get me tonight as easily as tomorrow for my day off. I didn’t do anything between now and tomorrow morning. As much as I didn’t want to leave with Eva giving me the silent treatment, staying here would just drive me crazy. I pulled a clean shirt on then picked up my bag and threw a few things in it.

/>   Wilson should be inside by this time. Maybe Eva would answer the door. I’d be able to see her face even if we couldn’t talk.

  I headed up to the house.

  The lights were all on which was odd. Even the outside floodlights were illuminating the yard. The driveway was also full. Were they having a party?

  I paused at the door as laughter and several voices drifted outside.

  The door swung open and Jeremy stood smiling at me. “Hey, man. What’s up?”

  “I need to talk to Wilson,” I explained, looking past Jeremy for any sign of Eva.

  “Come on in. He’s at the table with the family.”

  The family? Whose family?

  Jeremy led me inside and down a small foyer. I couldn’t help but pause several times to study pictures on the wall of Eva when she was younger. She’d been beautiful her entire life. Pigtails had also been her favorite hairstyle for a really long time.

  “She was ten in that one. Just gotten braces and was really upset about it. Her dad couldn’t get her to smile so he called over to the house and got me and Josh to come over. When we got there Eva was perched up on top of that swing with unshed tears in her eyes and an angry scowl on her face. Josh stood behind the photographer and started telling her knock-knock jokes and making funny faces.”

  Her head was tilted to the side and she looked like she’d just finished giggling in the image. My heart tugged thinking about all the memories she had like this one reminding her daily of what she’d lost.

  Jeremy started walking again and I followed him toward the large arched entryway where the sounds of voices and laughter were pouring out. Whoever was in there, they were having a really good time.

  Jeremy stepped in in front of me, “Mom, Dad, Chad, this is Cage York. He’s working for Wilson this summer. Cage, this is my family. Chad’s my cousin from Louisiana I told you about that I’m going to be rooming with.”

  I hadn’t expected a full introduction. Apparently, neither had they. I didn’t focus on any one person. When my eyes swept over the table I recognized Jeremy’s mother as the lady who had come by the other day. Fear festered at what her arrival could have meant. She was Josh’s mother too. I didn’t like where my mind was going with that one.

  When my gaze found Eva, she wasn’t looking at me. Her head was down and she was fiddling nervously with her napkin. Fuck.

  “Cage? Is there a problem?” Wilson asked.

  I forced myself to look at Wilson, instead of his daughter.

  “I didn’t mean to interrupt your dinner. I just needed to ask you if it was alright if my ride came and got me tonight?”

  Wilson shrugged and nodded, “I don’t see why not. Sure boy, go on. I’ll see you Monday morning.”

  “Thanks,” I replied and swung my eyes back to Eva. She still hadn’t lifted her head. I didn’t want to leave like this. “It was uh, nice to meet y’all.” I didn’t wait for a response. I turned and made my way back to the door. I needed to get some fresh air and try real hard to get control of the panic settling in my chest.

  The screen door slammed behind me but I didn’t flinch, I just kept walking. Reaching into my pocket, I texted Low to come on and get me tonight.

  She’d be at least an hour. Instead of going back to the closed-in space of my makeshift bedroom, I headed down to sit in the swing under the biggest oak tree on the property. I rarely saw anyone out here. It was dark and I could stay hidden while I gathered my thoughts.

  Josh’s mother had come for a visit and Eva hadn’t spoken to me since. What had been said? Had Eva seen her and realized what she was stepping down from? Josh had the nice all-American family. I, on the other hand, just had Low. My momma hadn’t made me meals and washed my clothes. Hell, my momma hadn’t even taken me to the doctor when I was sick. My half-sister and I hardly ever spoke. The last I heard she’d been busted in a meth lab with her latest boyfriend and gone to prison.

  Yeah, I had one fucking fantastic family to introduce Eva too. If she thought I wasn’t worthy now, without knowing all that messed up shit, then I didn’t stand a chance.

  I dropped my head into my hands. Why had I let myself care? Why had I decided to fucking care about someone who was so out of my damn reach? Girls like Eva didn’t want to keep me. They wanted to play with me for a while and then go find the boy their parents would approve of. I wasn’t the keeping kind. I’d learned at a young age that women didn’t keep me. When a guy’s momma don’t want him, why the fuck should anyone else? Something was wrong with me. Always had been. When I’d found Low, I’d held onto her and decided that since she was the only girl that wanted to keep me then she would be the one I spent forever with. I knew she’d never leave me. My fuck-ups would never send her running away. Then she’d found Marcus and he’d loved her in a way I never would. As much as I loved her I couldn’t love her the way it would take to be faithful.

  Then came Eva. She’d shown me I could only want one woman and be damned happy about it. Too bad that just like the others she didn’t want to keep me. This time I hadn’t gotten rid of her before she could figure out I wasn’t worth keeping. I wanted too much. I’d hoped for too damn much.

  Voices drifted across the lawn and I watched as Eva came walking out of the front door with Jeremy and his cousin. I could hear their laughter. The three of them walked out to Eva’s Jeep and the cousin opened her door and whispered something in her ear before helping her get inside. Pain sliced through me.

  Jeremy climbed in the back and his cousin sat in the passenger’s seat. Eva was going out. She was moving on. I had been a side distraction.

  My eyes stung and I hated the weakness tears represented. Fuck that. I wouldn’t cry. I didn’t cry. I also didn’t fucking beg. I knew what it felt like to beg someone to want you. I’d been called a worthless piece of shit by my father from the time I was five. Then again by my mother when I was a teenager rebelling because of the life I’d been handed.

  I’d decided long ago if I was worthless then I didn’t have to live by anyone’s fucking rules. I’d make my own.

  Eva

  My phone chimed alerting me of a text message and I grabbed it praying it was Cage. He hadn’t come back yet and it was Tuesday. Daddy didn’t seem concerned and I was scared to ask him where Cage was. I couldn’t show any interest in Cage. But I needed to know where he was. He’d stopped texting me after Saturday night. He hadn’t called. I’d ignored him. I had to. I was so confused.

  The text was from Chad. He was driving me nuts. We’d gone out dancing Saturday night after Cage left. Daddy and Elaine had thought that was a wonderful idea when Jeremy suggested it. I had been stuck. Elaine’s hopeful expression as Chad pulled my chair out for me had been hard to miss. She had invited Chad because she was matchmaking.

  Chad wanted to know what I was doing tonight. I wanted to know when he was going back to Louisiana so he would leave me alone. I typed that I wasn’t up for doing anything and left it at that.

  Watching the barn for Cage to show up was making me anxious and nauseous every minute he didn’t come driving up. Had he quit? Surely not. He had his scholarship to deal with. I looked down at my phone and thought about texting him. I’d ignored his attempts at trying to contact me. Would he even respond?

  I had to know.

  Me: Are you okay? Where are you?

  I held my phone in my hands and waited.

  The silence in the room was deafening. I could hear my heart beating. With each second that ticked by without a response my stomach twisted tighter into the coil it had been in since Elaine had told me how disappointed Josh would be in me. I didn’t want to disappoint Josh. I didn’t want to make a mistake. Cage had been a way for me to heal. He’d been fun and exciting. Nothing felt bad and wrong when we were together. I knew he would be gone soon. I hadn’t kidded myself into believing we had anything long lasting.

  After several minutes and no response I dropped my phone onto the bed and lay back on my pillow. Was he going to leave my life just
like that? No goodbye, just disappear?

  A warm tear trickled down my cheek. For the first time in eighteen months my tears weren’t because of Josh Beasley.

  ~*~

  I decided to go get Cage’s sheets and wash them. I could ask Daddy if he was coming back with the excuse that I needed to know if I should put the sheets back on once I cleaned them.

  The barn door was open when I stepped outside Wednesday morning. Hope surged in my chest. I wanted to run toward the barn but I couldn’t. Daddy was around here somewhere.

  Once I got close, I stopped and took a deep breath before I walked inside. If he was in there I had to explain things. I wasn’t sure yet what I was going to say. Telling Cage that Josh’s mother didn’t approve of him wasn’t exactly a wise idea. Cage didn’t seem like the kind of guy that would take to being told he was less than worthy with a shrug. If I wanted to get rid of him that would be a really good way to do it. And I definitely didn’t want to get rid of him.

  Cage stalked out of the barn with a scowl on his face. He had a straw hat tilted back on his head and his shirt wasn’t yet soaked from sweat. He was gorgeous.

  He halted when he saw me then his face turned hard and cold before he continued past me and threw the shovel and tool box into the back of the truck. I tried to speak but my words got stuck in my throat. I didn’t know how to talk to this Cage. The one with the cocky smile and sexy swagger was gone.

  He stalked back by me and headed back into the barn. I was frozen. What did I say? Would he yell at me if I tried to explain? Did he even care? Had I been written off where he was concerned? Oh, god. Was I now just one of the many he’d toss away and forget?

  He came back out of the barn with his hands full of feed and a can of motor oil. His eyes didn’t even flicker past me. I really did feel invisible, now.

  Once he threw the things in his truck he headed for the driver’s side door and jerked it open. He was going to drive off. I had to say something.