The Best Goodbye Page 16

  I was more than positive that Cope and Alexa had fucked around. So it wasn’t a complete lie. I was insinuating that they were more, but it was the best thing I could come up with, and from the look in Addy’s eyes, she seemed to be buying it, so I kept going.

  “I thought I’d see you leave. When I realized your car was gone, I started calling, but then you wouldn’t answer. I was worried, and I wanted to see you, so I came here. Sleeping outside was the only way I could find any peace. I needed to hear your voice.”

  “Can I wear this?” Franny asked.

  Addy blinked and moved away from the table to turn and look at our daughter. “Yes, that’s good. Why don’t you wear your white tennis shoes with it?”

  Franny nodded and hurried back to the room.

  “Can I come back here after I take her to school?”

  She didn’t look at me but instead stared straight ahead. “I don’t know, Captain.”

  “Addy, you’ve got to believe me.”

  She turned to look at me, and there was obvious fear in her eyes. She was scared to trust me. “She needs you. I want you in our life. But I’m scared to need you, too.”

  I had stood up and started to move toward her when Franny came skipping into the room with her book bag on her shoulder. “Ready!”

  Addy went back to cleaning up. “Don’t forget your lunchbox in the fridge.”

  Franny ran over to the fridge and got out a pink polka-dot lunchbox, then went over to Addy and wrapped her arms around her waist.

  Addy turned and bent down to pull her in for a hug. “Have a wonderful day. Make it matter,” she said.

  Franny nodded. “I got this,” she assured her mother. They released each other, and Franny walked over to me. “Let’s go.”

  Addy’s gaze met mine, and she gave me a simple nod. That was all the encouragement I needed.

  Addy

  I had done it again. I had jumped to conclusions. I didn’t let him explain. When had I stopped trusting? When had I gotten so negative? I asked myself these questions and more while I cleaned the kitchen and took a shower before Captain returned.

  The fact that he had slept outside simply because I wouldn’t answer his calls was proof enough that he cared and I was being an asshole. After all this time, I was still so incredibly jealous and insecure with him. I didn’t want to be that way. He never gave me a reason not to trust him, back then or now. I had to stop it.

  By the time I was out of the shower and dressed, Captain was knocking on my door. I had some apologizing to do, and this would be the last time I did this. Next time, I was asking him if I saw something, not sulking and getting upset.

  When I opened the door, Captain walked in, his gaze intent on me. “You gotta stop doing this to me, Addy. After everything that’s happened over the past two days and everything I’ve said to you, I would think you’d know where my head and my heart are. Where they have always been.”

  “I know,” I agreed.

  He opened his mouth to say something and stopped when my response sank in.

  “I won’t do it again,” I assured him.

  He took a step closer. “I don’t like thinking you’re upset with me.”

  I took a step back, not sure what he was doing. But he took another step, closing the distance. “Can’t love anyone but you.” His frown faded into something deeper. Something intense.

  My heart squeezed at his words, and it was hard to think of anything else. When his hands wrapped around my waist and tugged me close, I went willingly. This was my River. The boy who stole my heart and never gave it back.

  “Come here,” he said softly, before his mouth pressed against mine.

  I slipped my hands up his chest and held on to his shoulders while standing on my tiptoes. It was as high as I could reach.

  “So tiny,” he murmured against my lips, then picked me up and walked us over to the bar. He set me on it so that my mouth was level with his. “I always wanted to hold you close and protect you. I couldn’t. But God, I wanted to. I failed you so many times. For ten years, I was empty . . . broken.” He stopped and closed his eyes, then took a deep breath. “I thought I’d lost you. I lived without you, fighting demons I couldn’t kill.”

  I moved my hand to touch the side of his stubbled jaw gently. “I’m here now. No more demons to fight.”

  I watched his throat as he swallowed hard and gave me a small nod, but there was something in his eyes that worried me. Before I could look closer and figure out what was wrong, his hands tightened their hold on my hips, and he tugged me closer to him. “I need you,” he said in a soft growl.

  I needed him, too. I had needed him for ten years. In many ways. But right now, I knew that the way he meant was the way I needed him the most. I would always need him this way. Just him.

  Lifting my legs, I wrapped them around his waist.

  “Let me take you to the bed,” he whispered, as he kissed my ear.

  “No.” I shook my head. “Do it here.”

  He stilled, and I ran my hands underneath his shirt to feel his muscled chest.

  “On the counter?” he asked, pulling back just enough to lock eyes with me.

  I nodded, biting my lip because I’d never done something like this before. I wanted to. I wanted to know what wild, uninhibited sex felt like. I was a grown woman and a mother, but I’d never experienced such things. Things I only wanted to experience with River.

  His hands clasped my thighs and jerked me close enough that I could feel his erection pressed between my legs. My clit pulsed with excitement. This was real. Not my fantasy. It was better.

  With a low growl, his mouth covered mine again, and I held on to his sides, feeling his muscles flex under my touch. The smell of his skin was intoxicating, and I felt light-headed from inhaling so quickly, trying to get more of him. I loved having him cover my body with his. I loved feeling like we were connected.

  It wasn’t until he whispered “Lift your arms” that I realized he was taking my shirt off. I obeyed, quivering with excitement. When his hands covered my breasts and squeezed their fullness, I couldn’t keep from moaning. It felt so good. The ache in my nipples shot straight to my core, and I could feel the dampness in my panties. It was like he was slowly lighting a firecracker; at any moment, he would touch the right spot, and I’d fall apart.

  He unhooked my bra with one hand and slowly pulled it away, dropping it to the floor. “So fucking beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes taking in my naked breasts. My nipples were so hard I was afraid if he touched one, I’d come. Not that I didn’t want to have an orgasm, but how pathetic would I look if I did?

  His hands moved to hold them, and he brushed his thumb over the sensitive crests. I never wanted this to be over. Being touched by him this way was enough. More than I could have hoped for.

  He kissed his way down my neck, and I leaned back, arching my neck so he could have more access. I wanted his mouth everywhere. Taking me to places I’d never been and places I just wanted to be with him.

  Captain

  Finding the strength to take this slowly was the hardest thing I’d ever done. I didn’t want to take this slowly. I wanted Addy naked and wrapped around me while I buried myself so deep in her that I got lost. My body trembled when I thought about how that was going to feel.

  Life without her had been hell, but having her now, I realized I’d found my heaven. I’d made it through. Losing her now was impossible. I’d never make it. She wasn’t the kind you could survive losing twice.

  Sliding my hand up her inner thigh until I could feel the dampness of her panties, I held my breath.

  “Please, now,” she said, her nails biting into my arms. “I want you inside me.”

  Inhaling deeply, I could smell her arousal, and my cock throbbed. “Off,” I growled, as I lifted her ass to tug her panties down her legs and toss them onto the floor.

  Her hands were shaking as she worked on the button of my jeans. As much as I wanted to watch her undress me, all I c
ould think about was how hot she’d felt when I’d slid my fingers over her.

  I helped her unfasten my jeans and push them down my hips.

  “I’m on the pill,” she said, touching my lower stomach with reverence. “Can we . . . do it without a condom?”

  I knew I was clean. I kept myself checked, and I had been sure to check myself out after the relationship with Elle ended.

  I held her legs open wider and went from watching us slowly come together to looking into her fascinated face, as I slowly moved to enter her. I had touched her. I knew how tight she was. It was all that was keeping me from slamming into her with the need clawing at my body.

  Her loud gasp was followed by her hands tightening around my arms and her eyes flaring hot with excitement. Sliding into her was another level of pure bliss. A low groan broke from my chest, as her tightness squeezed me with each inch that I sank deeper. Addy’s legs gripped me tightly around the waist, and the panting noises she was making only made it hotter.

  “You’re so fucking tight,” I said through clenched teeth.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking up at me with concern in her eyes.

  I lowered my mouth to touch hers. “Don’t apologize for being goddamn perfect, Addy. You feel so good I’m close to going crazy.”

  She let go of my arms and slid them around my neck, and her mouth made a small “oh” the second I was completely buried in her. “Oh, God,” she said, clinging to me while pressing her bare chest against mine.

  “That’s it.” I closed my eyes and let the completeness of the moment sink in.

  When I rocked my hips back, she made sexy little sounds that made my balls clench tighter. I was going to explode way too soon if she didn’t stop with the sexy shit.

  “Feel good?” I asked her, needing it to feel good to her more than anything else.

  “Yes, oh, yes, so good,” she said into my neck, where her face was now tucked. Her tongue came out and took a small lick against my skin.

  Our bodies began to move in perfect rhythm. Her skin pressed against mine, and her tightness squeezed my cock with each throb and pulse. I knew the moment she came, I would be finished. I’d never be able to hold out on finishing with her.

  Her hand slid down my chest and rested on my abs. She looked down to watch us just before her body stiffened and began to tremble. Lifting her head, she looked up at me. Her mouth was slightly open, and her eyes were closing. The hand on my abs fisted as she cried out my name. Not Captain but River.

  And with that, I followed her over the edge.

  • • •

  Two hours later, I held Addy in her bed while she slept. After I’d recovered in the kitchen, I had carried her in here, and we’d made love again. This time, slower and more thoroughly. I had managed to let her get off twice before I went with her. She had then closed her eyes and curled into me before drifting off into an exhausted sleep.

  Something else I had missed. Holding Addy while she slept had been a part of my life. It was what helped me sleep at night. Without her in my arms, sleeping had almost been impossible for years.

  I stared at the ceiling. My past was back to haunt me, and it wasn’t leaving. I had to face it and find a way to keep Addy, too. She and Franny were my life. I had promised myself that I was done with killing. But if someone threatened what I loved most, I’d remind them who they were dealing with. I’d do anything to protect my girls.

  My phone vibrated on the table beside me. I reached over for it gently so as not to disturb Addy.

  It was DeCarlo. “They’re there. You’ll have to take them out.”

  That was it. Nothing more. But I knew exactly what he was talking about. My last job wasn’t over yet.

  Major

  It was dark as shit. I hated working in the dark. Times like this, I wondered what the hell I’d gotten myself into. I had craved danger and excitement. Something more than what I had. But was this really what I wanted?

  Working with Captain had been cool. He wasn’t a cold-blooded killer. The man had compassion and knew when to draw a line and stand on one side of it.

  Cope, however, was a fucking maniac. I swear, the dude killed for fun. He never acted like it affected him or like he regretted one moment. And this was the man I was supposed to get my marching orders from.

  Fuck my life.

  “Captain’s been alerted. This will end soon.” Cope’s voice came from the shadows. Dammit. He always came out of nowhere. Never could hear the son of a bitch. He was like a damn ninja.

  “How’s it gonna go over? We locate them?” I asked, annoyed that he’d once again snuck up on me when I was actively attempting to be alert.

  “Alexa has them on target. Captain will go to her and take them out.”

  Captain had said he was done with killing. The fact that he had to come in because of an old job didn’t sit well with me. I wanted to know that when I walked away, I would be truly free.

  “He ain’t working anymore,” I replied. “Why can’t we do it? Hell, I’ll do it.”

  Cope lit a cigarette and shrugged as he stared out at the old house I’d been instructed to watch. “You’re right. But this is his problem. We tracked them and made sure he knew, because Benedetto takes care of his own. Captain might be out, but he’s still got blood on his hands for DeCarlo. We have his back, but he knows the kill is his responsibility.”

  Seemed screwed-up to me. I still didn’t understand all the inner workings of this thing. What I did know was that DeCarlo wasn’t completely on the up and up. There was something else going on, other than offing men who deserved it. All I got was orders from Cope, and so far, I hadn’t been able to close a deal on my own.

  “The girl you’re watching is who you need to focus on. We think she knows what we need. I’ll give you the details tomorrow. Tonight we end this for Cap.”

  The job I was sent here for was getting more and more complicated. I wasn’t even sure what the details were yet. Just that there was a man we were searching for who had abducted a kid ten years ago and gotten away with it. I’d been told nothing more.

  Cope reached for his phone and checked the screen. “He’s there. Alexa has armed him, and he’s going in. Let’s move that way in case he needs more backup,” Cope said, dropping the lit cigarette and stomping on it. He began moving toward the forest behind us.

  “What about the house?” I asked, when I turned to follow him.

  “Ain’t no one there of importance. Just needed you in a prime location, and I figured this would keep you busy,” he replied in a bored tone.

  Fucker. He really was annoying as hell. I’d been out here watching this house for three hours and had about a million mosquito bites to show for it.

  “When you planning on giving me more credit?” I asked, annoyed. Everyone was so scared of Cope, but he only killed those he was told to kill. He followed orders, same as everyone else.

  “When you do the fucking job you’re given,” he replied, as he continued to move forward. “Now, shut the fuck up, and stop bitching like a woman. Focus. Cap might need us.”

  I wanted to argue or at least call him a motherfucker, but I kept my mouth shut. I hadn’t actually been given a job that was easy. Being told to stalk my cousin’s sister was messed-up. Didn’t help that I’d already had my eyes on her before I signed on for all this shit. Nan was a hot piece of ass. But if she was fucking around with someone DeCarlo wanted, then she was in danger.

  And I couldn’t even tell Mase about it if I wanted either of us to live.

  Addy

  After the most amazing morning of my life, I had woken up to Captain being distant and awkward. I hadn’t been expecting him to withdraw like that. When we were younger, we had become more attached every time we slept together. This experience was completely different.

  His thoughts had been elsewhere. When he had given me an excuse that he had to get to work to deal with some things, his eyes said something else. I felt like I’d been given the brush-off.
My stomach was twisted in a knot for the rest of the day.

  Franny coming home had helped brighten things some. Having her talk about her day and hearing her laugh at her favorite television shows was a definite distraction. I didn’t have to work that night, and for that I was thankful. Facing Captain now seemed impossible.

  I wasn’t sure what to say to him or even how to look at him. He had kissed me goodbye and said he’d call me soon. That was it. Then he’d just gotten out of here as fast as possible.

  Franny’s constant talk about how much fun she’d had when he took her to school that morning didn’t help. When she finally stopped talking about him and started on her homework, I was relieved.

  I focused on making dinner, even though I didn’t have an appetite. I hadn’t had one all day. There was no room in my stomach for anything but that knot he’d left there.

  When Franny’s bedtime finally rolled around and I hadn’t even gotten a text from Captain, I was devastated. Smiling and tucking her in like my heart wasn’t slowly breaking open was hard, but I’d managed it.

  It wasn’t until I knew she’d fallen asleep that I curled up on the sofa with my phone in my hand and let the first tear slowly fall. I knew he was busy, and I knew what his work was like, but I also knew that if he’d wanted to, he would have found a moment to at least text me something, anything. Anything at all would have been nice.

  A knock at the door startled me, and I jumped up and wiped my eyes. Maybe it was Captain, and he’d come to see me and explain why he hadn’t called all day. I hurried over to the door and opened it, expecting Captain, but froze when an extremely tall and terrifying man, with the widest shoulders I’d ever seen, locked his cold, steel-blue eyes on me.

  I gripped my phone tightly in my hand. I had no idea who this man was, but I had a feeling that I’d need the phone to dial 911. I wondered if I could do it fast enough.

  “Stop hatching an escape plan. I’m not here to hurt you. Get your neighbor over there to watch your kid, and come with me. Captain needs you.”