You Were Mine Page 17

  Protecting myself wasn’t going to be easy. It wouldn’t take much for me to lose myself in Tripp again. Just like last night: sleeping in his arms had come as naturally as breathing. It had felt right.

  My heart wasn’t safe with him. Even if my body had other ideas.

  Today I needed space. I would do my usual routine and distance my thoughts from Tripp.

  While shopping for groceries, I bought dill-flavored Pringles and peanut-butter-cup ice cream just in case Tripp came over. Those were his favorite snacks, or they had been when he was eighteen. As I cleaned my apartment, I made a note of things I needed to get to make the place look better. Like a blanket to go over the sofa and maybe some new curtains for the windows. I also cleaned things I rarely noticed, like the baseboards and the fronts of the cabinets. I scraped the paint that was peeling and sanded the wall. I hung a wedding photo that Della had sent me of her, Blaire, Harlow, and me over the spot.

  Instead of splurging on paper towels, fabric softener, deli turkey meat, and triple-ply toilet paper, I used that money to buy the body wash and lotion I had been coveting at the new shop in town. Then I picked up a bouquet of daisies before I went to the beach.

  It wasn’t until my feet hit the warm sand that I realized all the choices I had made today revolved around Tripp. I stopped just before I reached the spot where I had stood the night Jace never came out of the water. Looking at the flowers clutched in my grip, I swallowed the lump in my throat.

  Daisies had been the one thing about my time with Tripp that I hadn’t been able to let go of. They had been the first flowers anyone had ever given me. Tripp had arrived one night on his bike at my trailer to pick me up, and he had pulled a bouquet out of his jacket. They had been a little smashed, but to me, they had been perfect.

  Once a week, Tripp had daisies waiting for me somewhere. I had found them in my locker at work, on my front porch, and at a table he’d reserved for us at the club one night. He’d told me daisies reminded him of me. They weren’t overdone and expected, like roses. They were beautiful and free. They lightened up a room, and although they appeared innocent, there was a wildness about them.

  When Jace had given me roses the night he told me he couldn’t lose me and that I was more than just sex for him, that he loved me, I had told him that daisies worked better on me. From then on, he had gotten me daisies, never knowing his cousin had given me daisies first.

  I walked the last few steps until I was back at the place where I’d lost my soul. Staring out at the water, I closed my eyes and let the wind and the sound of the waves wrap around me. A grave wasn’t where I wanted to imagine Jace. It was cold and dark in a grave. I believed his spirit stayed here near the ocean he loved. This place made him happy. It was where he’d want to be.

  “I brought daisies,” I said. The beach was empty, and my words drifted off in the wind. “I know it was you who always gave me daisies, but I needed to bring them to you today.” I paused and took a deep breath. “Because I need to tell you something. I want you to understand, and I need your forgiveness.

  “I never told you why I loved daisies. You always made jokes about me not wanting roses. I should have let you give me roses. But I loved daisies.”

  The wind blew some petals loose as I stood there, watching the waves crash against the sand. “I loved daisies because, before you, before us, I had a love that was big. One that was so big it held on all these years, even though you came into my life and found a part of my heart I didn’t know was left and claimed it. You don’t know it, but you saved me . . . twice.

  “I don’t want you to think I wasn’t completely with you when you held me, because I was. The love that had found me before was there, but my heart was yours then. It was us. I didn’t know how to tell you about Tripp . . .”

  A daisy blew free of my grasp, and I watched it drift away, then tumble along the white sand before a wave pulled it out into the water.

  “I hated him for leaving me. I hated him for things I shouldn’t have, because he was a kid, too, back then. There were misunderstandings and pain that ran deep. I was lost, and the girl I had been was gone. You found her and kept her from complete destruction, because that was the course I was on. We were perfect but for only a season. Because Tripp came back. And when he did, it tilted my world.

  I waited for the tears to come, because they always did. But today there was no burn in my eyes. No pain in my chest.

  “It should have been me who drowned that night. Not you. Me. But you didn’t let that happen, because, again, you saved me. I didn’t deserve to be saved, but you never seemed to see it that way.

  “You took a piece of me when you left. That part of my heart that you claimed is still with you, out there. It always will be. You were my hero.”

  I looked back down at the daisies in my hand and bent down to place them on the sand. I didn’t let them go yet, because the moment I did, they would blow away.

  “He’s been patient with me. He’s watched over me when all I did was push him away. I’ve said hurtful things to him and wanted to hurt him as much as I was hurting, and he still didn’t leave. He just waited.

  “When I needed to be saved from the darkness that losing you had put me through, he’s the one who saved me. He’s made me laugh again. He’s made me feel again. And I want to live again. If I live my life, that doesn’t mean I’ll forget you. That won’t happen. What we had will never leave me. You will never leave me.” I stood up, leaving the daisies on the sand until each of them was caught by the water and pulled away.

  “Thank you, Jace Newark. For loving me, for saving me, for being my hero.”

  One lonely tear caught my eyelash and rolled down my cheek. I didn’t wipe it away. It would be the last tear that I left here, and that made it special.

  Tripp

  Bethy’s eyes had closed thirty minutes ago, but I was still sitting there with her feet in my lap as she lay on my sofa, wearing a pair of cutoff sweats and a T-shirt that she’d brought to change into. She had been different tonight. Her smile had been easier, and there was a lightness to her laugh. Letting her close her eyes and go to sleep had been hard. I wanted to hear her voice and soak in the sound of her laughter.

  When she’d arrived with a change of clothes, I’d sent her to the bathroom to take a shower. She had sagged in relief. I had fixed our plates from all the leftovers she’d brought home and listened to her tell me about her evening. When she’d told me that London was there with some guy, she had watched me carefully, as if it would upset me. I’d pulled her feet into my lap then and started my promised massage while teasing her about her long shower.

  I dropped my gaze to her feet and remembered the first time I had noticed them. They were dainty, with cute little short toes. She had hot-pink nail polish on them tonight. Back then, they had been bare. Never had I wanted to kiss a girl’s feet until I saw hers. The first time I had brought her toes to my lips, she’d giggled and squirmed, trying to get away.

  I had told her the only thing I loved more than her was her feet, and she had blushed, covering her face with her hands. I never touched anyone else’s feet.

  Picking up one perfect foot, I pressed a kiss to the arch, then placed it back on my thigh before shifting her so I could slip in behind her and pull her against my chest. She moved as soon as I lay down, and I was afraid I had woken her up. I went still and waited while she rolled over and proceeded to curl up against me, throwing a leg over my thighs and slipping an arm over my waist. Then she nuzzled her head against my neck and murmured something about me smelling good and not changing her shirt.

  I held in my laugh and waited until I was sure she was sleeping before settling in and pulling her closer to me. Sleep came easily and peacefully.

  It was Bethy’s breathing and the heat of her gaze that woke me this time. I opened my eyes and noticed the sun hadn’t completely risen, so the soft morning glow washed over Bethy’s face as she stared at me. We were once again completely tangled together
, but this time, she didn’t try to squirm away. She had always been a snuggler. That was also something I had never allowed after her. I couldn’t sleep with a woman touching me. That right had belonged to Bethy.

  “Hey,” I said, my voice husky from sleep.

  The way her chest rose and fell caught my eye, and I saw the pulse in her neck quicken. Was she upset about something? I swung my gaze back to her face.

  “You OK?” I asked, afraid she’d move away from me now. I had wanted another morning of holding her while she slept.

  She gave me a small nod, but her breathing was short and fast. Something was definitely wrong. I moved my hand, which was currently pressed against her back, and slid it away, thinking maybe I was holding her too tightly. But when I slipped it closer to her side, she sucked in a breath. I paused and moved my gaze to my hand. It was resting on her side, but it was just below her breast.

  Was she . . . I jerked my gaze back to hers, and then I saw it. The need and desire. Her eyelids lowered as she breathed in deeply. I didn’t want to read her wrong, but the idea of her being turned on had my blood pumping hard into my already-stiff cock.

  “Ah,” she said softly, and closed her eyes.

  The swell of my erection was barely brushing her, but during the night, she’d thrown a leg over my leg and moved over me again until her heat was directly against my hard-on. I had a feeling it wasn’t just morning wood; my body was reacting to her crotch pressing against it in my sleep.

  I lifted my hips just enough to press more firmly against her, and her eyes flared as she grabbed my shoulder. ”Does that feel good?” I asked, slipping a hand over her ass so I could shift her further on top of me.

  She nodded as I settled her so that her spread thighs were now straddling me and opening her up further. “Oh, God,” she moaned as the pressure between us made complete contact.

  Reaching up, I pushed her hair back and held her face in my hands. “Did you wake up needy?” I asked, my voice now dropping from arousal instead of sleep.

  She didn’t respond, but she rocked against me, and her head fell back as her mouth went slack. God, that was sexy. Her boobs were bouncing from all the heavy breathing she was doing, and I wanted them bare so I could watch them jiggle. I reached for her shirt, and she lifted her arms as I pulled it off, leaning up to undo her bra and quickly discard it.

  They were so fucking gorgeous. They were bigger now, but her nipples were still that rosy color, and the softness was heavier. I had always been a fan of more than a handful. Bethy’s were a couple of handfuls.

  She made appreciative noises as she continued to work herself over me, drawing pleasure from the friction. I pinched her nipples and licked at each hard pebble as they bounced in front of me, and she stilled, allowing me to pull one into my mouth and suck.

  Her hands went to my head, and she said my name on a whisper. I sucked harder before pressing my face between them and licking up the middle, then moving to the other one to give it just as much attention. Best fucking tits in the world.

  “I want your shirt off,” she said, panting as her hands started pulling at my T-shirt. I pulled back and kept my eyes on her breasts, not wanting to miss any of their movement as I helped her get my shirt off. Then I went right back to licking and sucking.

  Her hands ran down my chest, and her nails scraped up my back as I kept her soft, plump globes pressed as close to my face as I could. When her hips started making needy little circles as she whimpered, I grabbed her waist and stood up with her. She clung to me, wrapping her arms and legs around me, as I went straight for the bedroom. We hadn’t been in here together yet, but I wasn’t taking her on the damn sofa. I had dreamed and fantasized about this for years.

  I laid her down, grabbed her shorts and panties, and jerked them off with one hard tug before moving to crawl over her. “Open your legs for me, sweetheart,” I demanded as I touched her thighs and shoved them as far open as I could get them.

  Bethy didn’t stop me. She let them fall open. Sucking in a breath, I took in the obvious wetness coating her pink folds.

  I inhaled deeply, and her arousal filled my senses. “Shit, baby, that smells so good,” I said as I moved to press a kiss on her bare mound. She made a pleading noise in her throat. Another time, I’d make her ask me to taste her, because that was hot as hell. But right now, I needed this more than she did.

  I ran my tongue up through the middle and then rolled it around her swollen clit while she arched off the bed and screamed. Her hand was once again fisted in my hair as if she intended to hold me here and not let move. The idea of her forcing my head between her legs made me throb harder.

  I began to taste and nibble, enjoying the sweet taste I’d missed and the smell that was all Bethy. My name fell from her lips in a chant, and I soaked in the sound of it. When she finally cried out and began to shake through her first orgasm, I held her down and licked it up, tasting her release as she pleaded with me to stop.

  When the tremors stopped, she was making noises from the pleasure that I knew verged on pain as I licked at her sensitive clit. Just a little more, and she’d shoot off again, but I wanted inside her first. I crawled over her, and the lazy look she gave me as a smile curled her lips took all other rational thought away.

  With one move, I sank all the way inside her. Her nails clawed my back as she arched into me and shouted my name. The tight walls of her heat gripped me, and I lowered my mouth and molded it to hers before moving inside her. She pulled my tongue into her mouth and sucked, making my ability to slow down impossible. Having Bethy sucking anything on my body sent me into a wild frenzy.

  “Fuck, oh, fuck, that’s so good,” I said, tearing my mouth from hers so I could gasp for air. “I swear, I’ll never get enough of this.” I panted as I watched her breasts bouncing with each thrust. “Fuuuuck. Look at you. God, baby,” I growled, unable to get enough. I wanted deeper. I wanted to be so buried in her that I marked her body as mine.

  “Please, harder,” she begged, her eyes glazed over with pleasure.

  Yes! Harder, deeper, more. I needed more. I needed all of her. I pulled out, and she cried in protest before I flipped her onto her stomach and jerked her hips up. “On all fours,” I demanded.

  She was up and pushing back for me to take her immediately. “Back inside me,” she moaned.

  I grabbed her ass and sank back inside, sliding deeper from this angle. Letting my head fall back, I roared as she began milking my cock with each plunge.

  Leaning forward, I grabbed both her tits and squeezed. I needed a fucking mirror so I could watch them sway with each thrust. Just imagining how she looked was enough. I was almost there, filling her with my release—

  Fuck! “No condom. I gotta—”

  “Don’t!” She reached back and grabbed my ass, holding me in her. “I’m on the pill,” she gasped. “Come in me.”

  Come in her. As if on command, I shouted her name while my body pumped into her. Her loud cry followed mine as she shook beneath me and clamped down so tightly she pulled everything from me. All I could do was wrap my arms around her and hold on.

  Bethy

  Tripp’s lips grazed my back, and then he slowly pulled out of me before I collapsed on the bed, completely spent.

  “Stay right here,” he said softly. I wasn’t sure where he thought I would go. It wasn’t like I could move after that.

  His smell was on the sheets pressed against my face, and my body tingled in response. Really? It was tingling? Already?

  Tripp’s hand was on my thigh. “Roll over,” he said as he gently helped me move. I wanted to lie here with my face buried in his smell, but if he wanted me to roll over, I would.

  He opened my legs and took the washcloth in his hand and began cleaning me up. Just like the first time. I watched him in awe as he touched me as if I would break. Once he was done, he lifted his gaze to meet mine. The possessiveness gleaming there startled me.

  I had forgotten. Only Tripp. No one else had looked at
me that way after sex. Ever. I had been an easy fuck for Jace in the beginning, but even after it all changed for us, Jace had never cleaned me up or stared at me like I was his reason for breathing.

  Only Tripp. That look, I’d seen it before. Many times. I had just forgotten, or I’d refused to remember. Because once you knew that look, it was hard to accept less. The warm feeling that ran through me, making me feel cherished and special, was all because of that look.

  He tossed the used cloth aside and crawled up to lie beside me, pulling me into his arms as he did. I couldn’t talk yet. The emotion in my chest was all I could handle right now. This was why he could destroy me. This was why I built walls. Because being loved by Tripp changed you. His kind of devotion was rare. I knew that now. I hadn’t known it then, and I hadn’t known how excruciating it would be to lose this.

  “I can’t share you,” he said as he pressed his mouth against my temple. “I know you want to take this slow, and you’re scared. I get it. But I can’t . . . this is mine. It always was. You were mine then, and you’re mine now.”

  The idea of being with someone else after experiencing this again seemed impossible. I knew what shallow, meaningless sex was. I’d rather never have sex again if that was all there was. “I forgot, or maybe I couldn’t allow myself to remember,” I said as I lay against his chest.

  “Forgot what?” he asked as he ran his fingers down my arm and then back up.

  “You. How it is with you. I won’t be able to move on from this. You’ve ruined me. I won’t be able to forget again.”

  He took my arm and pulled me back so he could look down at my face. “What do you mean?” I had scared him. I could see that now. He didn’t understand.

  “I mean that nothing compares to having you inside me. I mean that when you treat me like I’m some special treasure that’s all yours and give me that look of possession, I am ruined. How can I ever move on from that? I forgot once, but I won’t be able to again.”