Making a Play Page 19

  Stretching, I looked at my cousin, then gave a single nod. “Fine. Let’s go,” I replied.

  He looked relieved and a little surprised I was agreeing. I wondered, if I’d pushed him harder, would he have given in to the driving-to-find-her idea. Possibly, but we’d both be in trouble with our parents, and there was little chance we’d find her. I didn’t even have a damn phone number I could contact her on.

  “Thank God,” he muttered, standing up. “I thought I was going to have to talk you out of that stupid going-to-get-her idea.”

  If I could just talk to her. Know she was okay. Hell, if I could know she wasn’t with Denver and hadn’t forgotten all about me, that was what I needed. I also wanted to see her smile light up and make me forget everything else.

  We made our way back to the front of the house, and as we passed the kitchen, my mom turned and caught sight of us. “Oh good! You’re getting him out of this house. I’m tired of his sulking. Take these.” She handed me a tray full of cookies, brownies, and some white balls covered in powdered sugar.

  “Did you make these?” I asked, unsure if they were going to be edible or if they should be tossed in the trash when we got to Nash’s house.

  Mom rolled her eyes. “No, Ryker. I did not make those. I bought them from Mrs. Loyola from church. She makes plates full of sweets very year and sells them to raise money for the local toy drive. You should know this by now. Lord, I’ve bought too many trays of sweets from her every year since you were a boy.”

  Mrs. Loyola was about eighty years old, I’d guess, and sat on the front pew at church every Sunday. I didn’t make it that much anymore, but I doubted she’d moved from her spot over the years. She always had soft peppermint in her purse, and she’d still give me a piece like I was five when she saw me.

  “Yeah, forgot about that,” I said as if I remembered we’d gotten sweets from her in the past. I never paid attention to the food in the kitchen or where it came from during the holidays. I just ate it. This was the only time of year we had a stocked kitchen, since Mom thought the holidays meant trays and tins of sweets should cover the kitchen table.

  She patted my shoulder and then squeezed my arm. “Go have fun. Don’t think about the other stuff. It’ll be over soon. All things happen for a reason.”

  I moved toward the door before Mom could come up with more cliché encouraging words to toss at me. She meant well, but it was annoying. Not even Mom understood how fucking stressful this was. Not being able to check on Aurora. To know if we were still good. I needed reassurance she was coming back. I didn’t want life to go back to the way it had been without her.

  Mom called out more good-byes as we headed out the front door. Dad was on his way down the sidewalk, dressed in his running shorts and a long-sleeve Dri-Fit shirt. He was sweating even though it was in the forties today. When he saw me leaving with Nash, he looked relieved.

  “How many miles this morning?” Nash asked him. My dad ran three times a week and hit the gym two days a week to lift weights. This week he’d run extra, because of the amount of food he planned on eating. He had been complaining about his metabolism being shit since he turned forty.

  “Ten,” he said with a cocky smirk.

  “Damn, you’re a machine.” Nash knew my dad liked to have his ego pumped.

  Dad chuckled, then turned his attention to me. “You getting out. About time.”

  I didn’t respond. I just kept walking to Nash’s Escalade.

  I Was Lost in a Fairy Tale of My Own Making

  CHAPTER 40

  AURORA

  What I had come to realize from the moment I met Ryker was made very clear after dinner with Denver. Then early Christmas shopping with him two days later, and a movie night at my gran’s with him after making cookies and talking about my old school. Denver was my best friend. There was no desire to touch him or have him hold me. No temptation to kiss him. In fact, we had talked a good deal about Ryker. He’d asked me questions, and I’d been very honest about how I felt.

  Denver wasn’t jealous or upset. He wasn’t that good at acting, and I’d have been able to tell if it had bothered him. Instead he was curious. He seemed happy for me. He also made being stuck in North Carolina for a week bearable. I laughed with Denver the way I would with Tallulah. Nothing more than friendship stood between us, and it was comfortable.

  I didn’t tell Denver about the kissing and other stuff I did or felt with Ryker. That was private, but I did tell him how Ryker was exciting and sweet. He even laughed at me for going on and on about what a good guy he was and how no one gave him credit for it. They all seemed to judge him for his past mistakes.

  Denver had said during one of my long rants about this that he doubted Ryker considered them mistakes. Which had gotten me into a heated conversation about how he was wrong. Denver had shut up quickly, and that had been the end of that.

  Although I did lie in bed that night and think about it. Wonder if possibly Ryker would miss that life. If he’d returned to it now that I was gone. When I got back, would it all be the same? I wanted to text him. I knew Denver would let me use his phone if I asked. I didn’t have Ryker’s number memorized, since it had been saved in my phone. I was bad about remembering phone numbers. I could ask Hunter. I knew his number by heart. He’d had it for four years.

  Every time I considered it, I stopped myself from asking. Not because I thought it would upset Denver. We’d talked about Ryker enough now for me to know he wouldn’t mind at all. I almost expected him to offer it, but he hadn’t. I couldn’t bring myself to do it, because I was scared. What if Ryker had been with Nova or some other girl? What if Hunter told me something I didn’t want to hear? We had just been talking for a week. There was no exclusive thing to what we had. Was there? Did he just want to see me? Or was I supposed to accept him being with other girls?

  My stomach would get sick every time I thought about it. Nova’s parents obviously wouldn’t have a skin-color issue, since their skin color was the same as his. What if he didn’t want to deal with me because of my racist father? This time away gave him plenty of space to decide I wasn’t worth the trouble. I’d gotten myself so worked up thinking of all these scenarios that I’d lost sleep over it.

  “You’re doing it again. Zoning out on me,” Denver signed as he stepped in front of me to get my attention. We had been cleaning Gran’s front porch for her. Tomorrow was Thanksgiving, and she always had a house full of folks. She needed all the available space she could get. Including her large wraparound porch that had more square footage than the inside of the house. My grandfather had always teased her about it when he was alive. Gran preferred to be outside. When they’d built this place, the porch had only covered the front of the house. But over the years, Gran said, my grandfather would add on a little at a time as they could afford it. He had begun by extending the front out six extra feet to widen it. Then he’d gone from there. She would tell me, “Find you a man who will build you a porch bigger than you need and smile while he’s doing it. That’s the keeper.”

  I picked up the broom I had set down while wiping off one of six rocking chairs that were on the porch. Then I glanced back at Denver. His family would be here for Thanksgiving too. So would most of the elderly neighbors who had no family around, and any homeless people Gran might come across while out running errands today. It was the way she was. We expected it. I’d met a lot of interesting people over the years.

  “You haven’t asked me, but here,” Denver signed, then took his phone from his pocket and held it out to me.

  There it was. He was offering. I’d known it was going to happen eventually. I looked down at the phone in his hand and wondered if this was a good idea or a terrible mistake. I missed Ryker so much. But the fear I’d made all this up to be more than it was terrified me.

  “I don’t know his number,” I signed. “I didn’t memorize it.”

  Denver couldn’t sign and hold his phone, but his expression was clear. He knew I could get Ryker’s
number easy enough. He continued to hold the phone in front of me, waiting on me to take it.

  “What if this is a mistake?” I signed. He didn’t move. He wasn’t going to let me make up excuses. Denver was one to handle things head-on. Much like he had the ending of our relationship.

  I reached for his phone. Dread, excitement, fear all finding a place to swirl together inside my chest and make it hard to breathe. I held it for a moment, and the screen went black. He reached over, touched his thumb to it to unlock it again, then nudged me.

  I went to text messages and found Hunter’s number already in the contacts. I should have figured he’d have my brother’s number.

  It’s Aurora. How are things there?

  I couldn’t ask anything more. Not yet.

  It was immediate that the small dots appeared to tell me he was texting back.

  You’re texting me from Denver’s phone. Does that mean you’re back with him?

  I should have explained this first. My thoughts had been on Ryker moving on, not on why I would text from my ex-boyfriend’s phone.

  No. We are friends. We always have been. Nothing more. He is helping clean up Gran’s for tomorrow’s big meal she does. You remember those. He offered to let me use his phone to check on things . . . there.

  Still I couldn’t say Ryker’s name. This time he didn’t immediately start texting. That made the sick knot in my stomach get larger, and my throat got tight. Waiting for him to say something was awful. I wanted to text him to SAY SOMETHING. JUST TELL ME! But I didn’t. My hand was trembling I realized when Denver’s hand reached out to steady mine. I looked up at Denver. He signed, “Breathe. It’s going to be okay.”

  I took a deep breath and dropped my gaze back to the screen just as Hunter’s text appeared.

  You were only here a week, Aurora. It wasn’t long enough to solidify things with Ryker. I told you he was a player. I’m glad you’re with Denver.

  I read that text three times before forcing myself to reply.

  What do you mean? Tell me. Don’t be vague, Hunter.

  I waited on his text, feeling so sick to my stomach I thought I would throw up. I shouldn’t have asked him. I should not have said a word. I should have given Denver back his phone and forgot he said anything.

  He was with Nova at Nash’s place. I was there. I saw him.

  I couldn’t say more. I’d asked to know. Now I did. I’d never felt so much pain. Handing the phone back to Denver, I waited until he took it from my hand; then I began running. I wasn’t sure where I was running to, but I was running away from the words. I’d been right to fear Ryker had been with someone else. He’d gotten over whatever he felt for me when I was out of sight. I was so naive. Hunter said I was, and I hadn’t listened. I had wanted to believe Ryker. He made me feel so alive. But all I had ever known was Denver, and I now understood there was no sexual attraction between us at all. There never was. We were best friends who got confused and thought what we felt was something more.

  My feet continued to run as the world passed by me. My face was wet from the tears that had clogged my throat even before Hunter had told me what I somehow deep inside had already known. This was why I hadn’t tried to text. I knew it, and if I had known it, then I’d known deep down that it wasn’t real for Ryker. Not like it had been for me.

  I was one of many. Hadn’t Hunter warned me about this? Tallulah, even, the very first day? I had listened to no one. I’d been so sure it was different with me. Why would I be different for him? I wasn’t special. Heck, I was more difficult. He couldn’t talk to me the way he could other girls. He had to sneak around to be with me. I was one big annoyance. I was work. No wonder he was with someone else this week.

  The image of Nova in his arms hit me, and my knees went weak from the pain of it. I slowed to a stop and bent over at the waist to rest my hands on my knees. I was not a runner, and I was now struggling to catch my breath from my sudden need to sprint while sobbing at the same time. This was too much. All of it.

  How did it hurt so badly? It shouldn’t feel like someone had hit me in the chest with a baseball bat. But it did. I gasped at the air, and I was just beginning to straighten up when a hand touched my shoulder. I was too tired to jump or even care that I wasn’t alone.

  Turning, I already knew it was Denver beside me. I stared up at him, wondering if he’d read the text or talked to Hunter himself. Catching up to me would be easy for Denver. He was on the track team at school. Running was his thing. Not mine.

  He wasn’t even breathing hard. His blue eyes—which most girls at school thought were dreamy and had told me so many times over the years—were full of sympathy. They didn’t move me the way the dark depths of Ryker’s had. I wasn’t lost in them. I could admit they were a clear blue that matched the sky above us, but that was all.

  His arms pulled me to his chest, and he hugged me. His chest wasn’t wide, and he didn’t smell like Ryker’s cologne. He was lean, not muscular, and his arms weren’t bursting out of his sleeves from defined biceps that belonged on a man. But he was safe. He’d never hurt me. He was my friend who had listened to me go on and on about another boy all week.

  We stood there like that until my sobbing subsided. My breathing finally got back to normal, and the tears on my face dried. Although the front of his shirt was now wet.

  When I knew I was calm, I stepped back and signed, “I’m sorry.” Then: “Thank you.” I didn’t have the energy for more.

  He replied, “You’re going to be okay.”

  I disagreed with him. If I had believed in a fairy tale with a guy so quickly and easily, I was a walking disaster. I couldn’t be trusted to make smart decisions.

  “I’m an idiot,” I replied.

  He frowned. “No. He is the idiot.”

  My first instinct was to defend Ryker, but I stopped myself before I could. Because I no longer needed to do that. They’d all been right. I had been the foolish one. I was deaf, not blind. Yet I’d been so very blind where Ryker was concerned.

  I thought about all the times I’d seen him with Nova at school last week and believed it was nothing. Just her trying to talk to him. Then there were the moments I had caught girls winking at him or licking their lips. I assumed it was just them flirting, and he was ignoring them for me. How silly could I be? Why would a guy who looked like Ryker and was leaving to go off to college in the summer want to date just me?

  “I was lost in a fairy tale of my own making. That was a lesson, and it won’t happen again,” I signed to Denver.

  He sighed with a subtle lift of his shoulders. “You deserve a fairy tale, and one day you’ll get one.”

  ONE MONTH LATER . . .

  My Days of Playing the Field Were Done

  CHAPTER 41

  RYKER

  The weight of the state championship ring on my finger was still foreign to me. I knew I wouldn’t wear it after I graduated. It would just sit on a shelf, reminding me of the greatest and hardest time in high school. I wondered if I’d still see her face when I looked at that ring or if one day her memory would fade.

  The crowd around me was rowdy and ready for the new year. The clock would strike in less than an hour, and the fireworks would explode over the center of town, while the large ball Lawton dropped each year at midnight on New Year’s cast colors into the night sky. It was hard to believe it was almost 2020. I’d graduate in a few months, then move to Oklahoma in late June to begin training.

  When I had accepted the football scholarship from the University of Oklahoma over Georgia, Vanderbilt, and Florida, my dad had been surprised, but he didn’t argue with me. It had been his dream for me to play football in the SEC. Not necessarily mine. I just wanted to know I was going to play the game. Right now that was all I had anymore. I had tried to find joy in the things I once had, but it was gone.

  Just like Aurora.

  Nothing was the same after her. I’d played the best game of my life in the state championship. While everyone was praising me, a
nd my name was in the papers with my record-breaking stats, all I could think was Will this be enough to win Aurora’s dad over? Will he approve of me? I’d played that fucking game, trying to be good enough for a man I didn’t even know. I sure as hell didn’t like him. But I loved his daughter. I didn’t have any doubt in my mind about that now. Her staying in North Carolina had destroyed me.

  I’d seen Hunter watching me at school and at the field. He always looked like he wanted to tell me something but couldn’t do it. Or wouldn’t. I was too damn scared to ask him. If she was with Denver, then I didn’t need to be told. Her not returning had been enough.

  “Smile, man. It’s about to be 2020! The year our lives begin!” Nash had been drinking. I smelled the beer on his breath. Tallulah was snuggled up to his side, keeping warm, and I knew she was sober. She’d drive him home.

  I forced a small, tight smile at my cousin. My thoughts weren’t on the celebration going on around me. I was here simply because sitting home alone was too much. I thought about her. Always about her.

  “Hunter told Blakely to fuck off earlier. Hunter Maclay actually said ‘fuck off,’ and to Blakely! God, I wish you’d heard it. Funniest shit ever.” Nash was so damn happy. Good for him. He deserved it. But did he have to come spew that shit all over me?

  “About time he got a backbone,” I said, not surprised he’d gotten smart enough to end things with Blakely. She was poison.

  Nash leaned over and kissed the top of Tallulah’s head. I had to look away. Too painful to think about. They reminded me of Aurora. I was trying to think of anything else. Bring in the new year with a new attitude. It was my resolution. The only one I’d made. Actually, the first one I’d ever made for a new year.