Like a Memory Read online

  in her eyes and across her brow. I’d missed it before, but there it was, hope, sorrow and something else. It was joy. Bliss was happy. Not because she hadn’t known struggle or fear, but because she’d faced them head on, and won. Shit, I was sinking in deep.

  Bliss York

  I READ THE menu through three times before Nate came back to the table. By then it was memorized. I could feel him looking at me. It made me nervous in a way that was both good and bad and then it all ran together. I wondered if his grandfather was reminding him about me. If he did would it change in an instant? Would my employment with Octavia end?

  When Nate sat down beside me my nerves were shot from the stress and the pressure of what would come from their talk at the bar. I couldn’t look up from my memorized menu until Nate put me at ease.

  “Find anything you want?” he casually asked. There was nothing in his voice to warn me that he knew or didn’t know. He seemed the same. Maybe his grandfather had forgotten who I was and what had happened. Had they simply been discussing that Octavia had hired me and the lunch was a professional courtesy?

  “I think I’m going to trust you and go with the shrimp poboy.” When I told him I smiled then brought the grin up to look into his eyes with confidence.

  He nodded. “Good choice. Smart move.”

  I felt my smile wobble and took a quick peek at his grandfather who was watching intently. Was he seeing how I reacted to his stare? Did he know that I knew he knew that I knew . . . ugh, I was losing my mind. In my head, I recited the list of appetizers without looking at the menu. Then I checked to make sure I got them right. Not a miss. Was I going insane?

  “I can’t believe you don’t come here regularly. The place is pretty popular.” Was he testing me now? Fishing for clues? Jesus, the pressure of this lunch.

  “I don’t eat out much.” I wasn’t going to lie.

  He didn’t appear surprised or confused by my response. He appeared his normal relaxed self. “So when was the last time you were here?”

  I gave a small shrug with my shoulders. “It’s been years. It looks the same.” Just saying the words was tough. Knowing he didn’t hold those memories as close to his heart as me. Or at all.

  There must have been oodles of girls since me. I blended in with all those women. I was just another name in a journal. I winced. I hoped he didn’t have a journal of women.

  “Hasn’t changed much I’d guess. What was your favorite dish when you came in here before?”

  To have a favorite I would’ve had to try several things. He was assuming I had been more than once. Or was I reading too much into this?

  “I never came enough to have a favorite.”

  He smirked then shifted his eyes to the bar where I knew his grandfather was studying. Maybe he’d clued Nate in with a little memory jolt?

  “You’re right. I assumed that once you’d eaten here you’d want to come back repeatedly. My mistake. Forgive me. Sorry.”

  My heart sank a little. That was it. All he was going to say. Every time I was faced with Nate forgetting me it hurt. I wished it didn’t, but the pain was overwhelming. If I’d had more experience with guys it probably wouldn’t sting as bad. The few I’d dated hadn’t been anything memorable. They weren’t enough compared to Nate. They never clicked, because they couldn’t be him, which was my own personal dilemma. I just wished he thought the same about me.

  Now it seemed like those guys, though few in number, may have been a good thing nevertheless. This entire time I’d been fixated on a fantasy that obviously wasn’t meant to be. I wasn’t important enough to remember.

  “Octavia won’t eat here. It’s below her. Grandpop says that I should take note. A girl who will walk through those doors is a keeper, according to the old man over there.”

  I didn’t respond to that. It wasn’t my business, although I did agree, you had to accept one’s family. This was his grandfather’s restaurant. Octavia should want to come here. But then of course I’d met Octavia. She wasn’t the type to be considerate of others unless it benefitted her. She did what she wanted to do.

  “When will Octavia be back? She didn’t say anything on the phone.”

  Nate shrugged. “Hell if I know. She comes and goes on a whim. You’ll see soon enough.”

  That didn’t sound like a healthy relationship. Was that what Nate desired? Wanted to be married to forever? A wealthy socialite that lived a life of leisure and ran a business as entertainment? No, that wasn’t fair. Octavia was working hard to make this a successful business. Sure her father was there if she needed him with unlimited money but she wasn’t to blame for that.

  “In high school where did you and your friends hang out?”

  Nate’s question came from out of the blue. I didn’t want to answer it. My life in high school wasn’t what he thought. Telling the truth would give away too much. Yet I wasn’t going to lie, so I chose a vague reply. “Here and there. Not too much to choose from around here if you want to stay away from the tourist.”

  He chuckled. “Here and there? Really? That’s all I get?”

  I shrugged and turned the question on him. “Where did you and your friends hang out?”

  “The Kerrington Country Club. The beach and clubs in Destin.” He then paused and finished with a wink. “That’s the way you answer a question.”

  I sighed. He was right.

  “I didn’t go out a lot. I stayed home mostly. Eli was my only close friend.”

  There, that was the truth. All he was getting from me.

  “Why?” He frowned, but it wasn’t a frown of confusion, he was pressing me for more information. He was curious. I’d have to answer.

  “Because I was an introvert. I liked my house and the safety there. I wasn’t good with people and Eli understood me. It worked because it had to. There was no other choice for me.”

  “You don’t seem introverted.”

  He didn’t know the girl who’d fought cancer. He knew the survivor. The outcome. My before and during cancer were something else entirely. “People change. Circumstances change you.”

  His grandfather appeared at the table with two beers and sat them down. “Y’all decided on something to eat?”

  I hated beer. But I kept my mouth shut. I could sip it to wash down my food.

  “Two shrimp poboys with the chips you make. Extra salt. My blood pressure’s low.”

  His grandfather nodded then smiled at me when I met his gaze with mine. “Good to have you back,” he said. Then he walked away.

  I became a block of ice. Unsure if I should look at Nate.

  “You must’ve made an impression on grandpop when you did come in before.” He leaned back and took a drink of his beer. “Do you even drink beer?” he asked.

  I shook my head. He waved over a waitress. “Joyce, can Bliss have a . . .” he looked at me for an answer to his question.

  “Sweet tea,” I replied. “Thank you.”

  Joyce nodded. “Sure thing,” then she walked away, switching her hips for Nate.

  “The old man thinks the world drinks beer.” He muttered, actually he whispered it. Then he added in a normal tone “did you have a favorite subject? In high school or anything after?”

  The questions went on like that. Each query made me think harder about how I answered his questions. Keeping my secret was difficult, but somehow I managed it.

  Nate Finlay

  IT WAS ALL I could think about Sunday. That damn lunch. All the answers she avoided. Asking her had been unfair. She obviously was trying her hardest to keep it a secret from me. Along with who she was. That was my fault. She thought I didn’t remember and after spending time with her I realized her not reminding me was for my own benefit. Not hers.

  The Bliss I’d fallen for that summer was the same. She was tougher now and had seen how ugly life can get. The girl became a woman, facing fear and winning, but her heart hadn’t changed. There was a kindness inside her that you couldn’t manufacture. It made you question yo
ur relationships. Had they been Bliss would it have worked?

  Why the hell am I focused on this? That was a recipe for disaster. I had a good thing. The easy drama free kind of relationship all men look for. I wasn’t going to mess that up with Bliss. Even if she made me feel something I hadn’t in a long time. Seeing her smile reminded me there were women out there that weren’t solely concerned with their needs and simply pleasing their selfish desires.

  I didn’t want to ever be as vulnerable as my father. Although my momma would never hurt my father . . . what if, I mean, if he lost her. If she died he wouldn’t live. He’d follow my mother in death. Sure he loved his children and had a good life, but mom was his number one. His center. A fucking necessity. That shit was scary as hell.

  Octavia would never be my center. I was safe from that kind of heartbreak. I could continue on breathing and living if something happened to her. Sure I’d be sad, but I wouldn’t die from it, which was healthy and normal. That was all I wanted in life. Shallow? Yes. But shallow is safe. I’d convinced myself of that.

  I was jerked from my thoughts when someone bumped me and dropped a box at my feet. Books went everywhere. “Sorry man, I didn’t see you. My bad. Wasn’t paying attention.” It was Eli. Standing in front of me.

  His eyes locked on me and he straightened. There was recognition there and he wasn’t hiding it like Bliss. Had she talked to him about me? Did he think I remembered what she thought I’d forgotten? My God, this was confusing.

  “Please tell me you don’t have a place here,” were the words that came from his mouth. If it had been anyone else I’d have considered that to be rude. But I understood and respected his concern. Bliss meant a lot to him. I wondered if she meant more than that? I couldn’t imagine them just being friends. I thought that would be fucking impossible. But then, of course, that was me. Eli may be different.

  “My grandfather does,” I replied. Not that grandpop ever stayed here. He was always at the bar. I’d told him I would come by this afternoon and eat Sunday lunch with him. It was the only day of the week that he spent his afternoon at home. The bar was closed until six in the evening on Sundays. It was kind of his day off.

  “Great,” Eli muttered, bending down to collect the books. I could’ve kept walking and left it at that, but I wanted more information. About what? Bliss, that’s what. I wasn’t going to act on my feelings. But I wasn’t strong enough to stay away either. What I didn’t know about her past was a gap I had to close.

  In the end the more I knew would only cause pain when she left. I was asking for it. Normally I ignored the dramatic. This time I apparently invited it. My desire to know Bliss was now winning out over my own self-preservation.

  “Pride and Prejudice, Wuthering Heights, Jane Eyre . . . interesting reading choices.” I was being an ass. These were Bliss’s books. She loved to read and Pride and Prejudice I knew was her all time favorite. I hoped the fucker hadn’t scratched them up being a clumsy son of a bitch.

  “Can’t beat a good romance,” he replied with a sarcastic drawl. He wasn’t going to admit they were Bliss’s. Why? Because he didn’t know that I was aware they lived together as friends? He was protecting her from me. Smart man.

  “Can’t say I prefer that genre, but to each his own.”

  Eli then jammed Sense and Sensibility into the box with unnecessary force before standing up and glaring at me. “Not everyone knows a good thing when it slaps them in the face.”

  He started to walk off and I should have let him, no point in digging any deeper. He didn’t like me. Probably hated me. Was Bliss talking badly about me? If so, then that sucked ass. Because other than “forgetting” her I was being nice. I thought she enjoyed her time with me yesterday at my grandpop’s.

  “How long has she been cancer free?” The words came out before I could stop them.

  He froze. We stood there like that for what seemed to be longer than it actually was. My head was pounding with the realization I’d just admitted I knew her. Had known her. Shit. He was gonna tell her. I’d have to face the past now.

  When he finally turned around to face me there was hardness in his expression. Eli seemed easy going. Kind and gentle, the sort she belonged with. He was the guy that believed in fairytales and could probably make them come true.

  “You know,” was all he said.

  I nodded.

  “Fuck you,” was the response I deserved. He then walked off towards the stairs.

  I stood there and waited just in case he decided to come back for answers. After five minutes I knew he wasn’t returning so I walked to grandpop’s condo. It was on the bottom floor.

  Eli would immediately tell her. She’d know when I saw her at work. My pretending would be over and we would have to deal with it. A large portion of me was relieved.

  But there was a small part of me that was terrified. Of what we would say and how things would be with us now. How strong was I? I’d soon find out.

  I knocked once and the door to my grandfather’s condo swung open and hit the wall. The smell of gumbo met my nose. My grandfather stood there with a black apron on that said “KISS THE COOK” in white lettering. There were tiny white handprints on it that belonged to a much younger me. My sisters handprints were on there also. My mother had us make it for him fifteen Christmases ago.

  “About time you got here. I was getting close to eating this without you. There’s beers in the fridge.” He then returned to his kitchen.

  I closed the door behind me. My thoughts drifted to the way it looked. Was Bliss’s place like this one? Was her bedroom to the left of the living room like grandpop’s guest room was? Or had Eli given her the master? Or were they sleeping together in his bed?

  Fuck that train of thought. It didn’t sit well at all. I headed for the fridge for the first of what would more than likely be too many beers.

  Bliss York

  ALL AFTERNOON ELI had acted weird. Like he was nervous or anxious or jumpy. By the time we needed to leave for Jilly’s third birthday party he’d barely said five words. We had to go to his grandparent’s house. I wasn’t looking forward to the trip. I wanted to ask him what was wrong. But asking would make us late and he didn’t need to be late.

  Jilly was Eli’s cousin. Jilly was the youngest in their group. It was fun having a little one around. Once I thought they’d never stop coming. Then as time went on we all grew up and our parents stopped reproducing.

  Larissa’s pregnancy had been exciting even after the father ran off. We all supported and assisted, came together as a group and the child was well loved in his absence.

  “What did you get her?” I asked. I was trying to make him talk, although I doubted I would be successful.

  “Spiderman water gun.”

  That sounded odd for a three-year old girl. But not for Jilly, she would love it. She was a huge Spiderman fan. The birthday party invitations were Spiderman themed and I expected the party would be.

  “You?” he asked.

  “An art set.”

  “She’ll love that.”

  “I thought so too when I bought it last week.”

  We headed for the door with our presents in hand. I decided to ask him what was wrong. I’d make sure we weren’t late. But I couldn’t go all evening without knowing why Eli was upset. Something was bothering him.

  “Spill,” I demanded, placing my hand on the door, to keep him from walking outside.

  He tried to frown in confusion, arching his brows, like he didn’t know what I meant. He failed but tried anyway. “What? Spill what? I’m confused.”

  I rolled my eyes. He sucked at this. “You know what. You’re upset about something or there’s a contract on your life by a drug cartel or the mob. I seriously doubt it’s the last one. You don’t even take painkillers. I wouldn’t think you’re into the blow.”

  He sighed and looked at me. His expression said “I don’t want to tell” but he would or I’d become angry.

  “Nate’s grandfather li
ves in the building.”

  That was it? He was upset over that? Eli could be as dramatic as a female at times, so I responded “and . . . uh . . . so what?”

  He shrugged. “I just don’t want you running into him more often than you should.”

  There he was, worrying again. Like he always had and would. “Eli, I told you, I’m a big girl. Stop it with the hovering and concern. I am fine with Nate. I see him at work. I’m employed by his fiancé.”

  Eli didn’t look convinced. Definitely not relieved. I opened the door before I lost my temper and fussed at him some more. He was way too overprotective. It was a waste of my breath I decided.

  We stepped out of the condo and headed for the stairs. I wanted to say more, but I kept my mouth shut, because changing the subject was better. “Did you bring a swimsuit?” I asked him. Mine was under my sundress. Eli’s grandparents had a beautiful pool on the beach and this was a swimming party.

  He nodded. “Yeah.”

  He was still being moody. Seriously?

  “Eli, what is your deal? I should be the one acting pissy. You’re just being ridiculous.”

  We’d just gotten to the bottom of the stairs when Nate came into view. He was walking toward the parking lot. I paused and his gaze found us both. He went from Eli to me then stopped. Like he was waiting on something to happen.

  “We’re going to be late,” Eli said, taking my arm and moving forward.