Losing the Field Read online

  I spoke to her. It had never been a good-deed thing or a pity thing. I just liked her smile. Her eyes were so damn blue, and her smile was always real. It was also rare. But I could make her smile, and I liked it. I wanted to do it. Made me smile in return.

  That day, though . . . after seeing her smile, my mind was right back on the date I had with Blakely that night and the sex I would be getting. I hadn’t thought much more about Tallulah. Then Ryker . . . I paused and looked at him now. Studied his face. Let his words replay in my head. He’d made a joke about Tallulah in a bathing suit. No one needing to see that. Or something to that affect. I wasn’t paying attention to him. My head was elsewhere.

  But I laughed. Ryker laughed and I joined him.

  Turning my head toward the line of trees Tallulah had long since walked through, it was like a brick wall had just slammed into my chest. She had heard him . . . us. He hadn’t said it quietly. She had heard it.

  She had heard me laugh.

  My shoulders dropped, and I closed my eyes tightly. A pain squeezed my chest. Damn. I understood now. Her anger today. The words she almost said and didn’t. She had heard Ryker make a joke at her expense. But I knew it wasn’t the first time she’d heard a joke about her weight. We hadn’t been the first people to laugh at her. So why was she so angry? Not at Ryker, but at me? Because I had been nice to her in the past?

  That didn’t seem fair. I should have been forgiven. I had good karma in my pocket to make up for the one mistake. The one stupid mistake I wish I could take back. It was done now, and I owed her an apology.

  “Let’s go,” Ryker said then, breaking the silence.

  “I didn’t mean to laugh,” I told him. Even though it made no difference to him either way.

  He looked confused. “What?”

  This conversation was pointless. “Nothing. I’ll go put out the fire. Y’all get the garbage. You know we can’t leave the field like this. Not if we expect to keep using it.” Our grandfather would have both our asses if we did.

  Ryker nodded and went to start cleaning. He barked at the others still standing around to help. I focused on making sure the blaze was out. I didn’t like that Coach D had taken Tallulah home. Something was off there. It didn’t seem as if he were doing it in a helpful way. Not when he was checking out her body. She was too damn naïve to even notice.

  I doubted she’d ever been kissed. There was no way Asa had already made it that far with her. She may look different, but she was the same inside. Angry at me, sure. But now I knew why. I could fix that. I wanted to fix it. This was the first thing I wanted to do since I had gotten hurt.

  Tallulah had a great smile. It made bad things seem less important. Like she saw a rainbow around the corner. Her eyes didn’t twinkle with flirty intentions. She didn’t even know how to do that. It was refreshing. I had enjoyed that about her. I missed it. I was going to make sure I got that smile again. I was done losing shit. I’d lost enough already.

  Asa Griffith Doesn’t Seem like Your Type

  CHAPTER 11

  TALLULAH

  We got into Mr. Dace’s car without speaking. I wasn’t sure yet what to expect. If he was planning on telling my mother about the party or not. I didn’t think it sounded very fair, considering I hadn’t drunk anything. And I hadn’t gotten in the car with a driver who had been drinking. Mom knew I was with Asa at Ryker’s get-together to cheer Nash up.

  That had been a massive fail. Nash had not been cheery at all. He looked miserable. And none of his friends seemed to understand why. That had to be frustrating him.

  “Which way do I turn?” Mr. Dace asked.

  “Left,” I replied.

  He turned his small car left and then glanced over at me again. “Asa Griffith doesn’t seem like your type.”

  I’d just met the man. He had me for one class today. I frowned. “Why is that?” I asked, trying not to be snarky. I didn’t want to make him an enemy and give him a reason to go talk to my mom.

  He shrugged, turning his focus back to the road. “You seem more serious, mature, interested in your grades. Asa is a beast on the football field, but he’s also not serious about anything else.”

  I had no reason not to be honest. “You’re new. You don’t know who I was. Or what I looked like before the summer. I’ve lost weight. A lot of weight. I didn’t have many friends, or any friends before. A social life is new for me. I’m adjusting to it all.”

  “How did you lose weight?” he asked. That wasn’t something the others had asked. They hadn’t cared. They’d just liked the results.

  “I walked daily. Drank water and ate healthy.” I almost added that I did that all because I was angry, hurt, and bent on revenge. But I didn’t.

  “That’s impressive. But you’re right. I wasn’t here last year. I didn’t know you. What I saw was today. And the girl I noticed wasn’t one to spend her Monday night at a party with drunk football players.”

  This was not his business. I didn’t need life counseling from my English Literature teacher. “I take my grades seriously. I enjoy reading. But I can also have a social life.”

  He nodded. “Yes, you can. But you’re just . . . more mature, or I assumed you were, than what I just witnessed back there. Those guys have years before they grow up.”

  I had never had a father. No man in my life to give me advice. Maybe this was normal. Older men liked to tell you what to expect from younger guys. I wasn’t sure, so I tried not to get annoyed.

  “What’s your favorite book?” he asked.

  “I don’t have one favorite. I’ve got a bookshelf of favorites, though, and I doubt you’ve read any of them.”

  He smiled then. The corners of his mouth lifting as I glanced over at him. We came to the intersection that, if you followed straight ahead, would take you to the high school. “Turn right,” I told him.

  “I read too,” he replied.

  I didn’t doubt that. He seemed the reading type. “I’m sure you do. But I know you don’t read the books that are my favorites.”

  “And why’s that?”

  Leaning back, I finally relaxed since getting in this car. He was being much more pleasant now. “Twilight, Harry Potter all seven books, Beautiful Creatures, Hunger Games, City of Bones, Matched, The Selection, Before I Fall . . .” I paused, grinning now. “Read any of those, Mr. Dace?”

  He shot me a quick look, and his eyes were extra nice when he was smiling. I’d noticed that today in class. But in the moonlight they were almost . . . breathtaking. As was his smile. It was different. My stomach felt a little nervous.

  “I’ve heard of several of them. Since many were made into movies. But keep in mind I’ve taught high school before. Those happen to be popular among many high school readers. And I did read the Hunger Games.”

  Out of all the books I mentioned, I wasn’t surprised to hear that he’d read that series. “But not Twilight?” I teased.

  He chuckled and shook his head. “No, that one didn’t grab my interest.”

  “I can’t imagine why,” I drawled. Then I pointed up ahead. “The blue mailbox with the clouds painted on it. They . . . glow in the dark.” I hated even having to explain that. I loved my mother, but she was whimsical. Silly. And she loved things that glowed in the dark.

  “I see that. Makes it easy to spot.” He seemed amused.

  “Yes . . . I guess so.”

  He slowed before it was necessary, and although I was sure he was just being careful, I realized I wanted to believe it was because he was enjoying my company as much as I was his. “Do I need to come inside and explain my bringing you home to your parents?” he asked.

  “No,” I replied quickly.

  “They won’t see my car and wonder who I am?”

  I knew my mom would be awake in the living room watching the news. But she wouldn’t look outside. “It’s just me and my mom. She trusts me. She has no reason not to. She knew where I was. I’ll explain what happened and that you gave me a ride if she question
s it. But she won’t.”

  He looked surprised. “Very laid-back mother.”

  I gave a nod of agreement. “Yes. Who paints things to make them glow in the dark, bakes sweets that we don’t eat, and decorates for Christmas the day after Halloween.”

  “Sounds like life with her is never dull.”

  “Not one moment.” And I never could understand why the man who had supplied the sperm to make me hadn’t stuck around. My mom was fun. She brought smiles and happiness just by being her. Why wouldn’t a man want to be near that? He must have been a mean bastard. That’s all I could figure.

  “Where’s your dad?” Mr. Dace asked.

  “Don’t have one of those,” I replied flippantly, then reached for the door handle as the car came to a stop in my driveway.

  “I’m sorry.” He sounded like everyone did when I told them I didn’t have a father. Sad, concerned, like they wished they hadn’t asked.

  “Don’t be. My life is good just like it is.” I looked back at him before I got out of his car. “Thanks for the ride.”

  He studied me a moment. “You’re welcome,” he replied.

  “See you in class,” I added, then stepped out of the car.

  “I look forward to it.”

  That comment made me pause. Just for a second. I closed the door behind me and walked to my front porch. His last five words teasing me. Like they meant something that I knew they didn’t. But why had he said that? Why that way?

  As I reached my front door, I glanced back to see him pull out of my drive. That was . . . very unexpected. All of it.

  This Was the Smile I Missed Seeing

  CHAPTER 12

  NASH

  Starting my day with my dad yelling at me to get my ass to school always made things feel brighter. Annoyed, I waited outside the school again, glad that the others had already gone inside. I wasn’t in the mood to recap last night. Ryker had been furious with Coach D when I dropped him off at home. That wasn’t going to have made for a pleasant workout this morning in the field house.

  They’d all have been tired from their early morning and pissed because they had to be there. I hadn’t climbed out of my vehicle yet when I saw a white Honda Civic pull up and park a few spots down. That was Tallulah’s car and her parking spot. She’d been assigned it last year when she got her car. I suddenly had an interest in getting out and going inside.

  By the time she was hurrying for the door, I had gotten close enough to catch up to her. Although I couldn’t walk fast. I was closer to the entrance. “You’re late,” I said, just to get her attention.

  She paused and turned to me. She’d been in such a hurry she hadn’t noticed me until then. “Yeah and so are you,” she replied.

  “I’ve got a limp. Slows me down,” I lied. I had simply not wanted to get out of bed this morning.

  “Not that I have to explain myself to you, but my mother forgot about a cake she’d put in the oven, it caught on fire, and we had to put it out and get the smoke out of the house.”

  Okay her reason was more interesting. “Seriously?” I asked.

  Tallulah rolled her eyes. “I wouldn’t make that up.”

  Her dislike for me was getting to me, but that response made me laugh. It felt good to laugh. “Sounds like a fun morning.”

  She smirked as if she wanted to smile but wasn’t going to. Not for me at least. “I smell like a fire. Not exactly thrilling.”

  She may have smelled like smoke, but she looked amazing. No makeup, her hair pulled up in a messy knot on her head, and she still stood out. Hard to miss. “Might keep the guys back so you can breathe today,” I told her, knowing that wouldn’t be the case.

  “I guess I should consider that my silver lining,” she snapped, annoyed.

  She was enjoying this. She didn’t want to enjoy it. That much was obvious. I didn’t want her to hate me, but damn if it wasn’t fun to hear her smart-ass comments. She was confident now. More sure of herself. The change in her was appealing. She had once tried to hide from the world. Blend in and hope no one noticed her. Now she held her head high and didn’t back down. It was hard to walk away from, and I didn’t want her to dislike me. Knowing I’d hurt her bothered me. As much fun as it was to see her roll her eyes at me and give me that annoyed smirk, I had to fix what I’d done. Or at least do the decent thing and apologize. She deserved that.

  “I’m sorry.” Even as I said it, I knew that words were weak, considering my actions.

  Her confident smirk faded, and a confused frown took its place. She wasn’t sure why I was apologizing. But I could see her mind working through it. I had to do better than just say I was sorry. She deserved more. An explanation.

  “Last night I was reminded of something. Something I’m not proud of. Something I regret.”

  Understanding dawned in her gaze. She knew exactly what I had done. It was why she’d been so angry with me. It had hurt her. My chest squeezed tighter, wishing I hadn’t been so flippant. So careless. That moment I hadn’t remembered had stuck with her.

  “I wasn’t really listening to Ryker that day. My head was elsewhere. I didn’t think about it. I just reacted to his laughter with my own. It was thoughtless, cruel, and selfish. I should have said something to him, not just laughed. I was wrong. And I am sorry. I’m sorry for laughing. I’m sorry for not even remembering it happened. For being so damn wrapped up in my little world that I was blind to the others around me. How I was affecting them.” I stopped. Saw her eyes soften. “How I was affecting you. I hurt you. I’ll regret it forever. Please forgive me.”

  She didn’t say anything right away. Instead she turned her head to stare off in another direction. I didn’t push or say more. I let her process what I’d said. Decide if it was enough. If I was worth the forgiveness.

  When she finally turned her head back to me, she gave me a small smile. Not the bright kind that I realized I’d once looked forward to. But one that was sincere in its own way. “You remember now, huh? Took you some time.” Her words were laced with pain.

  “I was an asshole. So was Ryker,” I told her, wishing I could do more than just apologize.

  “I’d never hated anyone before then. You were my first taste at hating someone. That hate drove me to walk every day. When I would have rather eaten a big piece of cake and read a book instead, I got up and walked because of you. I’d always depended on you to stand up for me. Speak to me. Notice me. I’d put you on some pedestal as perfect. Heroic. Truth was you were just a nice guy. Nothing more. You reacted the way the others always did, and it was crushing. But it changed me. I had the drive to lose the weight. Get healthier. I enjoy exercise now. And if you hadn’t laughed, I’d still be that girl. I’ve spent months bitter, angry, bent on revenge. But now . . . I don’t feel any of that. Seeing you and realizing I let your actions have so much power over me was my fault. I shouldn’t have given you that power. Thanks for the apology, but it’s irrelevant now and a little late.”

  There was no softness, no forgiveness in her voice. Knowing my laughter had affected her like that made me feel even worse. “Is that what you were talking about yesterday? Why you started walking?” A simple nod of her head confirmed what I’d already figured out. “I wish your hurt because of my actions hadn’t been why you did it.”

  She lifted a corner of her mouth as if that amused her. “Hate, Nash. It was hate.”

  Although she wanted me to believe she no longer cared, that she had moved on and forgotten it, the tone of her voice told me otherwise. She may not have hated me anymore, but she didn’t like me. And I wanted to fix that. Not just to ease my guilt, but because I wanted to get to know the girl she’d become.

  The late bell rang, and we heard it echo outside.

  “Now we’re really late,” she said, trying not to look worried.

  I shrugged. Not a big deal. “We won’t miss much.”

  “Maybe, but I’m never late.”

  “Never hurts to try something new,” I replied.

/>   Tallulah shot me an annoyed glare. “Yeah, well, that road isn’t one I plan on going down. I’ll try new things that don’t affect my grades and college acceptance letters.”

  Jesus she was serious. And it was sexy as hell. “Lighten up, girl. It’s just one tardy.”

  Tallulah rolled her eyes at me yet again and hurried on toward the entrance. I watched her go, enjoying the view in those shorts she was wearing. I followed behind her, slower simply because I couldn’t move that fast anymore. The office would only let me be late so many times before they stopped being understanding.

  She was fast, because when I got to the office, Tallulah was already gone. Mrs. Murphy was too busy getting everyone checked in to have a tardy slip prepared for me already. There were three other people in front of me. That was odd. No one else was outside. They had to have been here before she got in here. How had she gotten her tardy slip and already gone to class?

  I glanced around to see if she was anywhere, but nothing. When it was my turn to sign in, I noticed her name wasn’t on the tardy sheet. “Tallulah Liddell just came in. Did she not check in?” I asked Mrs. Murphy.

  She slid my slip across the counter to me. “She did come in, but Mr. Dace was in the hallway and said he had her excuse. She’d been helping him with something. Now don’t make this tardy thing a habit, Nash.” Then she turned to the student behind me.

  Coach D again . . . I didn’t trust that man.

  The Teacher Will Be Looking for You

  CHAPTER 13

  TALLULAH

  I wasn’t a good liar. I didn’t like to lie. This felt like a lie. Mr. Dace saving me from getting my first tardy ever. I was late. Just like the others in the office waiting to get a tardy slip. But I had gone with him. The other option would have been to call my teacher a liar in front of everyone and refuse. It had caught me by surprise, and thinking fast wasn’t my strong suit. I needed time to weigh my options and make a decision.

  Asa found me after third period. He was all flirty smiles and confidence. “Last night didn’t end the way I wanted it to,” he said, grinning at me.