Leif (Existence) Read online

  “But you were so helpful. I doubt anyone else will be able to help me the way you did.” Anger flashed in her pretty eyes as she pulled her backpack up her arm and stepped around me.

  “I’m so sorry, Leif. I don’t know what has gotten into her today,” Miranda began babbling. I was affecting her. The emotion was a good thing.

  “It’s okay. I did leave without a word. I’m sure I have a lot of making up to do.”

  “Well, she has kind of moved on, ya know?” I didn’t want to listen to Miranda tell me about Dank Walker and his claim on what was mine.

  Brushing her off with a nod, I walked away without a word in response.

  The sirens drew me from my path to the homeroom I would now be sharing with Pagan. Instead, I headed out to the backdoors and followed Pagan and Miranda who had both broken into a run toward the football field.

  As I neared, I saw the field filled with emergency technicians, students, and the sounds of panicked cries drifted through the air as Miranda draped herself over Wyatt’s lifeless body. Lifting my eyes, I found Dankmar standing there unnoticed by the crowd. The pain and confusion on his face told me all I needed to know.

  Wyatt had been what my father’s riddle was about earlier. He’d taken Wyatt in Pagan’s place. He hadn’t taken just any soul but a soul she would mourn— a soul that would get her attention.

  Pagan lifted her eyes and I watched as she glared at Death. She finally understood. She didn’t understand that this death was not one taken by Dankmar but she did get a taste of what his purpose in life consisted of. He wasn’t the rocker that girls fawned over. “He is Death, see him for who he is,” I whispered before turning and leaving the tragedy behind me.

  9. “It looks like it’s just you and me.” - Leif

  “Whoa, not who I expected to see here,” I said aloud in order to announce my presence. Pagan and Miranda hadn’t realized they weren’t alone in the cemetery. But then Pagan seemed to have her hands full with a very drunk Miranda. “And drinking?” I shifted my gaze from the bottle of wine to Pagan.

  “She wanted to come here. I figured she needed some courage to face it.” The annoyed snip in her voice I’d recently grown accustomed to was gone. She sounded… tired.

  Being the cause of all the pain I’d watched her experience since Wyatt’s death weighed heavy on my chest. Now, she looked like she was at her breaking point. “I can understand that,” I replied.

  Miranda scooted over and patted the spot beside her on the bench in front of Wyatt’s grave. “Come sit,” she instructed me with a slur.

  I took the offered seat. “Here, it’s good,” Miranda shoved the bottle into my chest. Yeah, she’d had way too much.

  “Don’t mind if I do,” If I drank some maybe it would help me deal with what I was about to do. Time was running out. If I didn’t get Pagan’s attention tonight it was very possible my father would take another soul—someone else close to her. I couldn’t let that happen.

  “Sorry I ran off today and we juslefyouthere.” Miranda apologized for the episode I’d witnessed at the mall earlier. Pagan didn’t respond. Instead she reached across Miranda and took the wine bottle out of my hand.

  “You’ve reached your limit Miranda. Any more and you’ll hate me tomorrow.” Pagan said as she shoved the cork back in the bottle and set it down on the ground beside her feet.

  “I was worried about you but I saw Pagan caught up with you,” I responded to Miranda.

  “Yesss. Don know whatid do withouther,” Miranda slurred.

  “She’s pretty special,” I agreed leaning forward to meet Pagan’s gaze.

  Miranda nodded then started to lay her head on Pagan’s shoulder but missed and fell forward. I reached down and pulled her back up as Pagan did the same thing. Our hands brushed and I felt a warm jolt from the brief contact. Begging her wouldn’t work but at times like this I often wondered if it just might sway her vote a little bit. Maybe.

  “Okay, I believe it’s time for us to go home,” Pagan announced standing up. “Come on, you. Let’s get you to bed.”

  “I’ll help you get her to the car,” I offered.

  Miranda fell forward on her knees and cackled with laughter.

  “Yeah, okay thanks,” Pagan muttered.

  I was more than positive that Pagan’s sudden willingness to accept my help had to do with the fact Miranda was more than a little out-of-control. I reached down and picked her up under the arms. Once I had her standing up, I wrapped my arm around her waist as she began swaying and giggling. “Easy girl,” I tried to sound encouraging. It was my father’s fault she was like this after all.

  “Easygirl,” Miranda mimicked laughing. “Bye Wyatt loveyousomuch,” she called out as I led her back down the path toward the parking lot. The souls wandering the cemetery could sense me. They knew I saw them just as they knew Pagan did too. I dodged the ones standing in our way.

  “Loveyousomuch,” Miranda began to chant. As soon as I reached Pagan’s car I opened the passenger side door and eased Miranda into the seat. Then without asking I opened the backdoor and climbed inside. I didn’t want to give Pagan a chance to turn me down. Tonight we had to talk. She needed to know. If I didn’t explain things to her another soul she loved would be lost to her forever. I couldn’t let that happen.

  Pagan opened the opposite rear door and stuck her head in looking at me like I had lost my mind. “What do you think you’re doing?” she hissed.

  “I’m making sure you two get home safely,” I replied with a smile I hoped was reassuring.

  “Oh no, you’re not. Get out!” She came close to screaming.

  “Donbesomean Pagan,” Miranda chimed in from the front.

  I could see the uncertainty in Pagan’s frown. Finally, she rolled her eyes and slammed the door. Then she opened the driver side door and climbed in. I heard a mumbled, “Whatever,” before she slammed her door. I guess that one was for good measure. In case I missed the fact she’d slammed the first door.

  “Stay awake. I won’t be able to get you inside if you’re passed out. We don’t want your Daddy coming out and finding you like this.” Pagan told Miranda in a gentle scolding voice.

  Miranda managed to wakeup some from the droopy eyed girl who’d been falling asleep.

  “That’s better, keep those eyes open,” Pagan encouraged rolling down the windows. “The cold air should help and if you start to feel sick please lean out that window and puke.”

  “Whose idea was it to get her wasted?” I asked already knowing the answer.

  “Paaagaaans, shesosmart.” Miranda replied with a giggle when it was obvious Pagan was ignoring me.

  “Canwedoit agaaain to..tomorrow?” Miranda asked.

  “No. Trust me, the headache you’re going to have in the morning will agree with me. That was a one-time deal.” Pagan replied.

  When Pagan pulled into Miranda’s drive, I quickly opened my door and started getting Miranda out of the car. She wasn’t going to make it up that walkway and stairs without my help.

  Once we reached the door, Miranda’s mother opened it and Pagan stepped forward and handed her mother the almost empty bottle of wine.

  “She wanted to go see Wyatt’s grave tonight. I took this because I felt like she would need it. I’m sorry—”

  Miranda’s mother held up her hand to stop any further explanation. “No, it’s okay. I understand. That’s not any worse than the pills I’ve been giving her.” I could see the worry and fear in her mother’s eyes and I was reminded once again of how important it was that Pagan knew. Everything. Tonight.

  “Just go on home tonight, Pagan. Your mom’s already called me looking for you. Her plane arrived an hour ago. I’ll look after Miranda tonight.” Miranda’s mother informed her.

  After she closed the door I turned to look at Pagan, “Looks like it’s just you and me.”

  10. “I lied to you.” – Leif

  “No, it’s just me and I’m going home,” Pagan replied spinning around in an ang
ry huff and stalking toward her car. I, of course, had already taken her keys.

  I watched as she began searching for the keys she’d left in her ignition frantically. Opening the passenger side door, I slid quickly inside. The keys dangled from my finger as I smiled at her. That didn’t win me any points. But I hadn’t really expected it to. She was forcing me to do this.

  Pagan snatched the keys and cranked up the car. “What do you plan on doing Leif? Going inside and visiting with my mom? Hmmm... because more than likely Gee is going to be there shortly after I arrive and she’s chomping at the bit to kick your ass.”

  Unfortunately, she wouldn’t be going back to her house. Not tonight. Not ever. “No, Pagan, I just think you and I need to talk.”

  “About what? The fact you want to take my soul off to some voodoo hereafter or the fact that you stalked me my entire life then took my memories away from me? I know! You want to talk about how you lied to me about everything from the very beginning and made me think you were this nice guy. Pick a topic because I’m all talked out with them all.”

  She didn’t understand. Dankmar had made me sound so evil. She had chosen him as her light. Death as her light? How insane was that? Sighing, I rubbed my palms against my knees. “You’re angry with me. I get it. I even understand it. I always expected you to be once you knew—”

  “Then why do it?” She interrupted.

  “Because I picked you. It was your purpose. It is your purpose. Don’t you get it? You’d have died Pagan. Died. Gone on. Gotten another life and completely lost the chance at this life. Because you were going to die. Death wasn’t in love with you then. He was going to take you like he was supposed to. There was nothing anyone could do to stop him, except your mother. She could choose to hand you over to Ghede and she did. She may not have realized it but when she begged a voodoo doctor to save you with voodoo magic she gave you over to my father. So you lived. You didn’t die. Death didn’t take you. You got to grow up with your mother and have friendships with Miranda and even Wyatt. You got to LIVE. Those were years you wouldn’t have gotten had I not chosen you. This life you have now would have ended that night in the New Orleans Children’s Hospital.” GHEDE! Why couldn’t she just get that? Any other human would understand what she was so blinded by.

  Pagan started to turn the car toward her house. I reached over and took over the steering wheel to stop her. “No. We aren’t done talking.”

  She tried to fight me and force the car to turn but it wouldn’t, I had complete control over the direction we would be headed. We wouldn’t stop until we reached the old East Gulf Bridge. Then we wouldn’t exactly stop then either.

  “Okay, fine. You kept me alive. I got to live this life. I appreciate it but now I want to keep it and you don’t care. You claim to want me and need me but you couldn’t care less what I want. It’s all very selfish of you. It’s all about what Leif wants. You take no consideration as to what I want. You act as if I’m your possession and I should just be happy about it.”

  She was mine. But I was more hers than she understood. I belonged to her too. She owned me. She just didn’t want me. The realization that she was no longer controlling the car had begun to sink in and her heart rate increased, as did her breathing. I was once again scaring her. Damn, I hated this.

  “I’ve tried to make this easy on you. I’ve tried to make this transition one you could accept. I’ve sheltered you from the truth. I wanted you to make this decision because you wanted it. Not because I was forcing it but we’ve run out of time. There is something you need to know,” I pointed to the side of the road before we reached the bridge. I needed to tell her more first, “pull over.”

  The car immediately parked itself on the side of the road without Pagan’s assistance. She’d never truly seen me use my powers. I knew this was more than she was ready to see but there was no more time.

  “What is it I need to know?” She asked slamming her palms down on the steering wheel in frustration.

  “You aren’t going to like this. I didn’t want you to ever know. But when you refused to accept that your soul was the restitution for the life my father granted you, my father decided he’d take his restitution elsewhere.” I needed her complete attention. It was time she focused on what I had to say. “Pagan, look at me.”

  Her head turned and her eyes sparkled with unshed tears as she waited on me to speak. “Wyatt’s death was only the beginning. Ghede will take more. Everyone close to you. He’ll take them one at a time until you either cave in and agree to come with me or there is no one else left to take.”

  Shaking her head she screamed, “NO! YOU are lying. You are a liar. I saw Dank. I saw him draw out Wyatt’s soul. Dank would have never taken a soul for your father. He would have never—”

  “Dank didn’t know. Did he tell you about it beforehand? Did he prepare you for the death of your friend? No. He didn’t. Because Wyatt’s death wasn’t that of fate. My father used his power over your unpaid restitution to kill the body Wyatt’s soul inhabited. Dank was drawn there to retrieve the soul from the body because that’s his job. He was as surprised as you were.”

  She knew now. Would she hate me?

  “But... but you said my death and Wyatt’s death were to be the tragedies this school year. That would mean Wyatt’s death was fate.”

  “I lied to you. I wanted you to be angry at Dank. I could feel your pain and I knew you were staying away from him.”

  I watched as a range of emotions played across her face. This was so much more than any human mind could comprehend. But she wasn’t normal. She’d been seeing souls most of her life. She was in love with Death. Nothing about Pagan was normal. She would be strong enough to deal with this. If only I’d been able to make her fall in love with me first. I’d failed us both.

  “Okay. I’ll go with you.”

  I didn’t wait for her to think about this any further. While it was her choice, I was taking her. This was it. I started the engine with the snap of my fingers and gunned the gas.

  “Leif! Help me!” Pagan screamed as the car raced toward the middle of the bridge. With the swipe of my finger the steering wheel jerked.

  “I got you Pagan,” I assured her as the car broke through the railing and we went careening out over the ocean waters below us. Vilokan the afterlife of the voodoo religion was located under the sea. I wouldn’t apport her this time. It was too hard on her. We would go down the old fashioned way. The dark waters engulfed us and I reached over to force Pagan’s body into a deep sleep before pulling her to me and sinking to the depths below. Soon, we’d be home.

  11. “I can’t wait to spend eternity with you.”- Leif

  I couldn’t get her to leave my bedroom. She refused to walk around the castle or explore Vilokan with me. Instead, Pagan stayed huddled away in my bedroom where I was no longer welcomed without an invite. Father hadn’t exactly made a very good impression on her with his sexual escapades during the one dinner she had attended. Agreeing to let her speak with Wyatt had been the only thing I could think of to make her happy.

  Opening the door, Wyatt walked past me without an acknowledgement. He hated me. He hated who I was and what I represented. Once, he’d been my friend. Throughout my life I’d watched him and wished I had a life similar to his. He’d been the friend of Pagan’s that intrigued me the most. He had the life of a normal boy.

  I’d brought Pagan food that she recognized. The meals my father enjoyed were not something she would accept easily. His appetites were very odd in all things. Setting the tray down on the table beside the bed, I met Pagan’s gaze.

  “He isn’t fond of me,” I said as I handed her a plate.

  “No, he isn’t. But then who can blame him? You took away his eternity. He is now stuck here, forever.”