Boys South of the Mason Dixon ~ Abbi Glines Page 6

  “I can’t tell her, can I, Asher? You aren’t going to let me explain? I have to hurt her like you did?”

  I stood and moved away from him. I needed some distance between us. He was thinking about himself first, and not her. That infuriated me the most. Steel had planned on making a life with her, yet he wasn’t willing to sacrifice his happiness for Dixie’s.

  “The pain you’ll cause her by breaking it off with her is nothing compared to the kind of pain . . . Steel, I made love to her. I’ve been inside her . . . took her innocence . . . and, dammit, I’m her brother! That’s fucked with my head ever since . . . ripping me in two . . . sickening me . . . crushing me again and again. Because, I never stopped loving her.”

  Steel sat and stared at me silently. Several minutes passed as he mused. I waited for him to argue with me, but he didn’t say a word.

  Finally, he rose, and held the letters out to me. “I won’t tell her. I won’t tell anyone,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I love her, too . . . fuck, this is sick. Does Luke not know? He’s let us both date her. Hell, I’ve asked her to marry me.”

  I shook my head. “Of course he doesn’t know. He woulda never let us date Dixie. This whole fucked up shit happened because the only two people who knew are now gone forever.”

  I took the letters and held them away from me, what they said so deplorable, it was hard to even grasp them. “How am I supposed to hurt her?” Steel sounded so torn. I’d been where he was. Wanting to explain it all to Dixie. Every time she looked at me with those big sad eyes, I wanted to tell her how much I loved her, but it was wrong, the entire thing twisted. This would only hurt her worse. She adored Luke Monroe. Not only would telling her mess her head up, but it would take away the security of knowing her daddy loves her. It would likely destroy Dixie.

  “This will kill her, Steel. You know that,” I said in a timid, lost voice.

  He shook his head and then buried his face in both hands as we both stood there in silence. I understood what he was feeling. I’d lived it every day. Missing Dixie with every breath I took. This wasn’t going to get easier for him. But Dixie would eventually heal and find happiness. That was all I had to hold onto. Knowing one day she’d get the life she deserved and all the fucking joy in the world. My girl belonged in the sunshine. This sick twisted darkness had been mine to suffer through, and now my brother would share it with me.

  Steel turned to leave. I didn’t stop him. I knew he needed time and space. Being alone was best for now. I stood there listening to his footsteps as he walked away from this room, these letters . . . knowing he would have to hurt her in order to save her from harm. Again, she’d suffer because of this sin, never knowing why it was happening.

  “Be gentle with her! Please!” I yelled, unable to stop myself.

  Steel paused at the top of the stairs. “Nothing about this is gentle. I don’t know how I could be gentle.”

  Once I knew, I hadn’t been able to even look at her. There were so many things I should’ve done differently. She deserved more from me than what I’d given her. “Hold her when she cries,” I said. More than anything else I wished I’d done that, instead of just walking away and letting her suffer alone.

  Kissing Dixie was the moment. That moment I didn’t know could exist. But sitting in my truck outside my house after taking her home made me realize I’d finally found it. She was it. I didn’t care about any other girls. Wasn’t interested in ever touching another one again. Not after that kiss and the way she looked at me, the same thoughts and feelings I was experiencing reflected in the depths of her beautiful eyes.

  Focusing on how right this felt was easier than thinking about the age difference. Or the fact her dad was probably going to beat my ass. Shooting me was also an option. But love made you crazy and fearless, and none of that seemed important to me right now.

  The driver’s side door jerked open. “What the fuck you sitting out here for? I got a piece of ass waiting on me and I need to go. Get out!” Bray’s usual annoyed look was plastered on his face.

  “It’s past curfew,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, well, Momma is in bed and you kept the motherfucking wheels all evening. How am I supposed to go get some pussy if you’ve got the truck?”

  “Jesus, Bray!” He had very little respect for females. A sex addict through and through. He was also insensitive and harsh. I wasn’t sure why females loved him. Brent looked just like him, but was nice, kind, easy going. Yet, the women gravitated to Bray.

  I got out of the truck and leaned close to smell him. Had to make sure he wasn’t drinking.

  “Get off me. I haven’t had anything to drink.”

  “Just making sure. It’s my job.”

  He laughed. “Ain’t your motherfucking job. Hey, have you nailed Liza yet?”

  I shook my head. I was taken. A smile slid across my face at the thought of kissing Dixie. What I felt was pure euphoria.

  “Good. Don’t like dipping my wick where you’ve already had your candle.”

  “Drive careful,” I told him as the truck door closed. He was cranked up and pulling out before I even made it to the house.

  Stepping into the kitchen, I saw Momma in her housecoat putting away the clean dishes. She glanced over her shoulder at me. “That hellion left, didn’t he?” She asked, already knowing the truth.

  “Yes, ma’am. He’s gone. Bolted.”

  “He’s gonna be my wild card. The one to make me go gray too soon.”

  “He thought you’d gone to bed.”

  She laughed. “No, he did not. Boy walked out that door knowing good and well I was in here washing the dishes. Son, that lie was for you. He better not knock some girl up. I’ll make him raise the baby. I might not be able to do a lot with him, but I’ll for sure make his ass be a daddy if he creates a life.”

  We all knew that to be true for all of us. Bray was careful. We all were. Had to be.

  “Where’ve you been all evening?” she asked.

  “With Dixie.”

  She put her towel down and turned around. “Well, it’s about time. That poor girl has loved you long as I can remember. She’s turned into a real beauty.”

  That surprised me. Not sure why. Nothing much ever got by Momma.

  “She’s young.”

  Momma shrugged. “Your daddy was five years older than me. We were just fine.”

  “Yeah, but you were seventeen when you started dating. Almost eighteen.”

  “Does she make you happy?”

  “Yes,” I replied.

  “That right there is all that matters. You will be good to her. Treat her with respect and love her the way she deserves to be loved. That’s what I know. That’s what she knows. You do that and the rest will fall into place. Most of the time anyway.”

  “What about her dad?” I asked.

  Momma chuckled. “Well, now you might have to run for cover before he takes a gun to you.”

  Great. Even Momma thought that might be the outcome.

  “Oh, Asher, don’t look so worried. Anything worth having comes with a price.”

  This time it was me who laughed. “My life may be the price.”

  She shrugged. “You got to figure out if she’s worth that or not. I left you a plate in the microwave. Eat something and get your homework done.” She kissed my cheek, then headed to the living room to watch her evening shows. She’d stay up until Bray got home. Then he’d get an earful, before doing it again tomorrow.

  Dixie Monroe

  STEEL HADN’T CALLED last night and he hadn’t come by today. I could’ve gotten angry with him, but then again, yesterday I hadn’t been able to put the ring he’d given me back on after taking it off. Before seeing Asher again, wearing that ring wasn’t so hard. But now, it felt wrong. Like I was betraying Asher, even though he’d been the one to turn away from me.

  I walked out to my car and glared down at the Sutton house. Why’d I let Asher affect me so much? Would I ever stop caring that he toss
ed me away after I gave him everything? I jerked the door of my red Jeep open while at the same time my phone started ringing. I stopped and pulled my phone from my pocket.

  It was Steel.

  Finally.

  But I didn’t want to answer.

  It continued to ring. On the fourth ring, I gave in and said, “hello.”

  “Hey,” he said, then paused. With just one word I knew something was off. His tone was tense. Controlled. “We need to talk,” he said on an exhale.

  Asher. This was all because of Asher.

  “Why? Did you talk to Asher? Is he not okay with . . . us?”

  Steel didn’t reply. His silence spoke volumes. This was about Asher. But why? Why did Asher care? And why was I letting a sliver of hope into my heart?

  My knuckles turned white as I gripped the car door. He hadn’t spoken to me in three years, yet he still managed to rip me to pieces every time he was back in town. I needed my closure, some form of finality between us so that I could move on.

  “Fine, we’ll talk later, but I have somewhere I need to be. I’ll call you? Is that okay?” I said it not caring if it was okay or not. I wouldn’t talk to Steel again until I found Asher first.

  “Uh, okay, yeah,” he replied, sounding nervous and uncertain.

  “Good. I’ll call you later.” I quickly ended the call before he could say more. Climbing into my Jeep, I chose not to think about what I was going to say. If I did, I would’ve talked myself out of this. I turned my Jeep down the hill toward the Sutton house instead of going to town. Asher had been running from me long enough. He needed to face this once and for all. He needed to face us. What he did and what he threw away.

  Steel’s white truck was gone when I pulled around the house. I made my way to the barn. Asher’s blue truck was parked where he had always parked it, just to the right of the pump house. He could see it from his bedroom window whenever he parked it there. That kept his brothers from sneaking off with it.

  I stopped beside his truck and turned off my Jeep, but that was as far as I could get. Facing Asher was terrifying. His rejection and refusal to look at me had always felt like a knife plunging right through my heart. I needed a moment to mentally prepare. I knew I couldn’t do this with him and walk away unscathed. I knew what lay in store for me afterwards.

  The knock on my window startled me. Bray was standing there frowning. Taking one more deep breath, I closed my fingers around the metal latch, opening the door and stepping down.

  “Steel ain’t here, but then I’m guessin’ you know that, seein’ as how you’re parked next to Ash.”

  Bray’s tone held a warning. He thought I was here to cause trouble. I wasn’t, not any more than Asher had caused when he drove into town and sent my heart into a tailspin again.

  “Bray, it’s past time I got some closure. Back off and let me go get it. He’s had three years to get his head from his ass. Now I’m ready to move on and I need to finish this . . . thing . . . what was left unsaid between us . . . when it ended and your brother did the ending.”

  Bray stood there a moment, then sighed, stepping back so I could get past him. “You’re right. This shit needs cleared up. Momma’s gone with Brent to get some feed and some flowers for the front pots. Asher is . . .”

  “ . . . right here,” he said, that deep familiar voice that still taunted me in my dreams interrupting Bray’s. Asher had seen me drive up. I expected that. It’s why I parked here. I wanted him to know I was coming.

  “Fix this shit,” Bray said, glaring at his older brother, before turning and walking away, leaving us standing there alone for the very first time in years.

  I’d come to demand closure and now that I had his complete, undivided attention, I couldn’t move a muscle. I couldn’t form any words. I felt paralyzed. Asher stood a few feet away, only wearing a pair of worn jeans hung low enough on his hips that his v-cut lower oblique were in clear unhindered view. Where the hell was his shirt?

  As if he could read my mind, the black cotton fabric of his tee shirt suddenly draped over all those muscles, the same muscles I used to think were made for sex, back when I was the one Asher was having sex with. Lifting my eyes, I took in his wet locks and freshly shaven face, realizing he’d just showered.

  “You talked to Steel?” he asked, and my knees went weak. Why were my knees going weak? Why was being close to him like this as insanely all-consuming as it had been three long years ago? Before he tossed me out like trash.

  “Not exactly. We’re meeting up later to talk. Before I talked to him, I wanted to talk to you.” It had taken all my strength to speak calmly. I wanted to scream at Asher. Demand to know why he hated me.

  “You need to talk to Steel, not me,” he replied, then he turned to walk away.

  Just like before, he was blocking me out. Refusing to acknowledge me. I hated him again, how he used me, and then could so easily forget me. I hated that I still loved him. A scream tore loose and I lunged, grabbing Asher’s arm to stop him. He wouldn’t leave me again.

  This time I wouldn’t stand here and take it. I would tell him what a horrible person he was. I roared “no!” as my hands wrapped around his bicep, which once used to curl around my shoulder back when I was something precious to him. Pushing those memories aside, I squeezed his arm and jerked him toward me, as hard as I could.

  Asher stopped. His body tensed. Asher Sutton was not a small guy. He was all hard lines and muscles. Broad shoulders with a narrow waist. Thighs that made women drool. Yet, here I was screaming at him, and yanking on his arm like a kid, throwing a temper tantrum.

  “Not this time! You won’t walk away from me again!” I tried to fill my voice with determination but I was fighting back tears inside.

  Asher slowly turned. I let his arm go, suddenly realizing I was touching him. When his eyes met mine, I was unprepared for the pain I saw in them. It took my breath away and I had to take a step back to recover.

  “Haven’t I done enough?” he replied. “Can’t this be all I have to endure? Do you want me to continue killing us both? Reduce us both to nothing?”

  He didn’t try to hide his pain, that hateful mask of relaxed indifference he’d used with me for so long now replaced by unchecked, raw anguish. It took all I had in me to stop myself from taking him into my arms, to make that look in his eyes go away.

  “Why? I need to know why,” I spoke softly. I stood where I was because I knew Asher would push me away if I went to him. He wouldn’t let me touch him. There was too much emotion running through him.

  “I can’t be who you need me to be. I can’t be who you deserve me to be. I thought once that I could, but I found out that I made a terrible mistake. One I can’t take back.” He tightly closed his eyes, muttered a curse, before opening them again and leveling them on me. “If I could erase the past, our time together, I would take it all back. Every single moment, Dixie. I would wipe out every goddamn moment. Then you could move on and forget me. You were never meant to belong to a Sutton boy.”

  A week had passed since he first kissed me. Walking out my front door every single morning to find Asher Sutton standing at his truck, with his arms crossed and that smile on his face, still seemed unreal to me. Like I was living in a dream. But it wasn’t a dream. This was real. I was Asher Sutton’s . . . girlfriend? I then realized I wasn’t sure I should call myself that. We hadn’t discussed it yet.

  He kissed me. He walked me to my classes. Had me wait on him until practice was over so he could drive me home. But we didn’t go anywhere together. He wasn’t asking me out on dates. Maybe I was making more of this than was actually there. My heart sank at the mere thought I’d been imaging all this.

  “Mornin’,” Asher said as I reached him. He always waited leaning back against the passenger side of the truck.

  “Good morning,” I replied, trying to smile. The joy I’d felt at stepping outside and seeing Asher was quickly fading. Maybe I was misunderstanding this thing between us.

  Asher
took a step closer. His hand cupped my face. “What’s wrong? I’m used to seeing a smile. Not a big fan of that frown.”

  I tried harder to force a smile.

  “Dix, that ain’t a real smile,” was his response.

  I shrugged my shoulders. “Guess I’m not awake yet. Stayed up too late reading.”

  He didn’t look convinced, but he bent his head and pressed a kiss to my temple, looking behind me before moving back. “Not brave enough to kiss you the way I like with your daddy watching us. I can see his figure in the window.”

  That did make me smile a little. I knew Asher was being funny because Daddy wouldn’t be standing in the window. Then again, he was probably watching from somewhere.

  Asher opened the truck door and held out his hand. Like I always did, I slipped my hand in his and climbed into the truck. This part was real. He was here taking me to school. I should be happy about this. I was being greedy wanting more.

  When he was inside, he patted the seat right next to him. “Why don’t you slide over here?”

  I moved my book bag to the floorboard and slid over a little. This was a first.

  “You know I don’t bite, Dix. Come on, get closer, up against me.”

  I continued to slide over until Asher’s hand rested on my left knee. “There. That’s better. I like that.”

  I agreed, it was better. Much better.

  “I got my smile back,” he said, sounding pleased with himself. “Tell me what you were reading last night.”

  I didn’t imagine that Asher was a reader. “Lord of the Flies for literature class. I have to write a report on it.”

  Asher nodded. “I remember that. My favorite book we read that year was The Old Man and the Sea.”

  “That’s next month’s required reading.”

  “You’ll have to tell me what you think of it.”

  This conversation wasn’t one that people in a relationship had. Or was it? I had no idea. But I was sitting beside him with his hand on my knee, which was making my heart beat faster. I knew that had to mean something.