While It Lasts Read online

  “Thought you had to leave early this morning,” I said in greeting.

  Jeremy stopped pacing and closed the distance between us. He almost looked brave enough to take me on. “Dude, please tell me you didn’t—“

  “I just gave her aspirin, some water and slept beside her.”

  “She okay? Did you do anything to her? Is she sick? DAMMIT, I shouldn’t have left her. Josh would be furious with me. She was vulnerable and I just left. I can’t just leave.” He stopped his tirade and starting pacing again.

  “She’s fine. I took care of her. She’s nice and safe. No harm done.”

  Jeremy shook his head and kept pacing. “No. No, she isn’t okay. She ain’t ever gonna be okay. I’ve been waiting for her to be okay for eighteen months. I know Josh would want me to stay and look out after her. I’ve been doing what I know he’d have wanted for a year and a half. I gave up my scholarship to Vandy. I lost a semester of school. I went to this dumbass cowpoke community college just so I could stay near her. But I can’t keep doing this. I want to live again. I will miss Josh for the rest of my life but I don’t want to keep mourning him.” He stopped and put his hands on his hips. His eyes looked glassy like he was trying to hold back tears. “I can’t stop my life for her anymore. But I’m afraid that if no one is here to catch her when she falls, like last night at that damn bar, then she will crash and burn. I’d never be able to forgive myself if something happened to her. She always had Josh. He was her best friend, her protector and he made her feel complete. But I’m not Josh.”

  I closed the barn door firmly behind me after checking to see if the bedroom door was still closed. I didn’t want Eva hearing this. I understood that Jeremy needed to let this out but Eva didn’t need to be so fucking close when he did.

  “Why don’t we go somewhere else and talk about this,” I suggested walking away from the barn and closer to the house.

  “You’re right. Sorry. Damn, she’s still asleep, isn’t she?”

  I nodded and led him to the front porch where I had a view of the barn door but we were far enough away that I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear us.

  Jeremy walked up the steps and ran his hands through his hair again. He even pulled the ends a little as if he were trying to inflict pain on himself.

  “I just need to do this. I need to go to Louisiana and get everything set up for the fall. But every time I think about coming home and telling Eva that I’m leaving in August to go away to school I feel like I’m gonna vomit.”

  Poor guy was beating himself up. He was right, though, he couldn’t keep putting his life on hold for Eva. She wasn’t his responsibility. Just because she’d been his brother’s didn’t make her his now his brother was gone. Why hadn’t someone told him this before now?

  “I’ve got a best friend who also happens to be a female. I understand what you’re feeling. I know that if Low needed me, I’d be there. I’d drop the world for her but there were times in our life that I wished I didn’t have that responsibility. Difference is that Eva wasn’t your best friend. She was your brother’s. This isn’t about Eva. This is about you wanting to fulfill what you believe your brother’s last wishes would have been. In my opinion, you have. I didn’t know the dude but I think you’ve done your job. I don’t think he ever wanted you to give up your life for Eva.”

  Jeremy sank down onto the old wooden rocker that I’d often seen Eva sitting in while drinking a glass of tea and staring off into space. “You saw her last night. What if that happens when I’m gone?”

  Hell, I wasn’t a damn psychiatrist. What did he expect from me? He was asking for wisdom from the guy who was working at a farm all summer because of a DUI.

  “She’s a big girl. She’ll be okay. She has her daddy here watching over her and she has other friends.”

  Jeremy rubbed the back of his neck nervously, “What about you? While you’re here, does she have you?”

  Me? What the fuck kind of question was that? She didn’t want me. At times I was pretty damn sure she hated me. But, yeah, if she needed me I knew without question I’d be there. She’d gotten under my skin.

  “Yeah, she has me. As long as I’m here, I’ll be available if she needs me. Even when she doesn’t want me.”

  Jeremy chuckled and stood up. “She wants you. She just doesn’t want to want you. Or at least that is what she said in my truck last night.”

  She told Jeremy she didn’t want to want me. I liked that. I could work with that. “Drunk Eva was something else,” I replied.

  Jeremy walked over to the steps and held out his hand. I stared down at it and realized he wanted to shake my hand. I clasped it and he shook it one good time before letting go. “Take care of her for me.”

  I nodded, “Will do.”

  Eva

  I couldn’t remember what all I’d said to Cage while I was drunk. All I knew was he’d been sweet and I’d slept in his bed smelling like tequila and an ashtray. While he’d been out working this morning, I’d changed his sheets and made up his bed. I hated for him to sleep on sheets that smelled like the inside of a bar all week.

  That was the only contact I’d had with him. I was avoiding him. I was sure he knew that too. I couldn’t help but feel guilty about not taking him water and ice towels but I couldn’t bring myself to face him just yet. Had I snored? God, I had probably snored. I didn’t even know if I snored. Plus, my breath had to have been atrocious. He’d still let me sleep in his bed with him. How could one girl manage to make such a fool of herself so easily? I really should write a book on how to make an ass of yourself.

  Cage hadn’t come looking for me today either. He was probably worried I’d think more of what happened than he did. I bet that stupid gorgeous redhead never came to his bed a blubbering idiot and stinking like cigarettes. She just didn’t look the type.

  I ran out of things to do in town and none of the movies playing at the theater looked appealing. All that was left to do was hideout in the house. Several vehicles pulled into the driveway from the sound of all the gravel. I went over to peek outside and see what was going on. It was truckloads of guys. Lots of guys. What in the world? I hurried down the steps and to the front porch.

  Loud insults were thrown around along with a whole lot of male laughter and lewd comments. Cage jumped over the fence and a huge grin broke out on his face as the herd of guys made their way down to the barn.

  They were his friends. That much was clear. He fist bumped a few and made a few comments with his cocky smirk that I knew were probably something naughty.

  “You stay in the house for the next couple of hours,” Daddy said as he walked up the steps of the porch with a frown.

  “Who are they?” I asked, surprised Cage had let a bunch of guys come see him here.

  “It’s your Uncle Mack’s baseball team. He sent them here to do a little bonding time with the boy. He don’t want him to get his mind off the goal. I told him it’d be okay for a few hours. They’re supposed to take him into town for something to eat and bring him back.”

  “Can I sit on the porch?” I asked, wanting to watch them. It was interesting to watch Cage with his teammates.

  “I reckon but when they come walking back this way you go on inside. Ya, hear?

  “Yes, sir,” I replied. He still treated me as if I was a sixteen-year-old girl instead of a twenty-year-old woman. Part of it was my fault. I’d been so dependent on Josh that when he died I’d crumbled. Daddy had to take care of me like I was a child again. I didn’t remember to eat. I didn’t answer phone calls. I didn’t go anywhere. I gave him complete control over my life. My age didn’t mean anything to him. He still thought he had to take care of me. Until I moved out I knew he would always feel that way.

  A loud whistle broke into my thoughts and I gazed back down toward the barn to see three of the guys sitting on the back of the farm truck staring up at me.

  The blond one with long hair pulled back into a ponytail was prettier than the others and he knew it. T
he flirtatious grin on his face and tilt of his head made it apparent, he really thought I’d just go walking down there because he whistled at me. Maybe all baseball players were full of themselves.

  Cage came walking out of the barn and his eyes locked on mine. He shifted his gaze to the guys on the truck and he gave them a single shake of his head. All three of them said something to him and he didn’t look real happy. But they didn’t look back up here at me. I wondered if he warned them off because I was Coach Mack’s niece or because he didn’t want them flirting with me.

  Somehow I didn’t think he’d really care if they flirted with me. He was a huge flirt. It was no surprise his friends were too.

  The guys all started heading back this way now that Cage had on clean clothes. Daddy was back in his office and I wondered if I could get away with sitting in the rocker while they passed by.

  Cage led the group as they drew closer to the front of the house. I scanned the group and then my eyes came back to him. He was watching me. I felt my face grow warm. What if he talked to me in front of all of them and I said something stupid and they all laughed at me? I decided I had better do what daddy said after all. Turning I grabbed the door handle and rushed inside.

  I walked over to the fridge for a glass of water. I hated that something as stupid as a bunch of guys made me nervous. There was a knock on the screen door then it opened up a crack and Cage stuck his head in.

  “Hey, you okay?” he asked with a concerned look on his face.

  “Yeah, I’m fine,” I replied, quickly feeling silly for running inside.

  “I’m sorry about the guys. They didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I was getting a shower so I didn’t know they were bothering you.”

  He had been worried about them making me uncomfortable? That was … sweet.

  “Oh. No. It was fine. I don’t even know what they said.”

  A crooked grin flashed on his face, “Probably a good thing. You sure are a pretty picture standing on the porch in them shorts. Can’t say I blame them for staring.”

  My face felt flushed and a horn blared outside. “I gotta go. Just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

  I nodded and he stepped back and let the screen door close. Then he winked at me before turning and walking away.

  Chapter Ten

  Eva

  I pulled the truck up to the lake and grabbed my towel and iPod. I intended to lay out for a couple hours and even take a swim. I didn’t want to go back into town today. There was nothing left for me to buy. Every movie they were playing at the theater I’d watched within the last forty-eight hours.

  I straightened my towel out on the thickest patch of grass. I checked to make sure there were no snakes hiding out nearby. Growing up in the country I’d learned a long time ago that snakes could be anywhere. Once I was sure I was nice and safe, I stuck my earbuds in and put my “after Josh” playlist on. I didn’t actually title it my “after Josh” playlist. It was just how I thought of it. All the playlists I’d had before reminded me of him. So, I’d found songs by artists we’d never listened to together and made myself a compilation of songs that didn’t remind me of him at all. It was the only way I’d been able to start listening to music again.

  I knew that Daddy and Jeremy both hoped I’d pick up my guitar again but I knew that would never happen. The day I’d finally brought it back out of the closet and stood it in the corner where I’d used to keep it Jeremy had been all smiles. Until, he realized I wasn’t actually going to play it. Every song I’d ever written had something to do with Josh. Even the ones that weren’t love songs, Josh was in there somewhere. He was always my inspiration. I couldn’t play it now. Not with him gone, it just never felt right.

  At least I’d let music back into my life. That was a step I never thought I’d manage. Growing up with music as my second love, behind Josh of course, I’d always thought it would be my future. Somehow, I’d do something with my songs and ability. I knew now that I’d lost that love too. It was only a painful reminder now.

  Rough fabric brushed my leg and I sat straight up ready to scream when my eyes locked on a very amused Cage. Reaching up I jerked my ear buds out and scowled at him. “You scared me! “

  Cage tried to hold in his laughter but his eyes were twinkling with it. “Yeah, sorry about that. I tried talking to you but when you didn’t respond I figured you were either sleeping or that music was turned up real damn loud.”

  “What are you doing here?” I snapped. I was irritated. Mostly at myself but he didn’t know that.

  “Well, I was riding back here to take a swim because it’s hot and I come upon you laid out here in a tiny hot pink bikini. I’m a man, sugar and I couldn’t resist the view.”

  I stared down at myself then back at him. He liked what he saw? I could not smile. I could not smile. I’d look like an idiot.

  “Why don’t you go for a swim with me? I’ll even leave my boxers on.”

  Swim with Cage. Um. This was probably a bad idea.

  “I don’t know…”

  Cage stood up and began lifting his shirt off over his head and all thought was lost. Was that a barbell in his nipple?

  “What is that?” I asked, unable to take my eyes off the small silver bar that was definitely attached to his hard tanned pec.

  “It’s a piercing, sweet Eva. Now get your sexy ass up and go swim with me. You gotta be hot.”

  I shook my head still trying to figure out when he’d gotten a nipple piercing. “I’ve never seen it before,” I finally stated.

  Cage let out a small sexy laugh, “Yeah, I know. I don’t figure your daddy would be real keen on me having a nipple piercing. I keep it out for the most part while I’m here. But I put it in last night and I just forgot to take it out this morning.”

  Here I always thought a guy getting his nipple pierced was gross. This was so not gross.

  Cage began unlacing his work boots and I watched as he slipped them off. When his hands went to his jeans I knew I should stand up and act like this wasn’t a striptease but tearing my eyes away from watching Cage York strip was just about impossible.

  “You gonna get up and join me or am I gonna have to pick you up and throw you in?”

  When Cage’s jeans slid down his hips and the dark blue of his boxers started to show I jumped up and swung my gaze away from Cage to look out at the water.

  Cage found this funny. His low chuckle made me feel flush all over. I headed toward the water without looking back at his amused expression. Besides, I was pretty sure making eye contact with him would be difficult with that damn nipple piercing taunting me. One more reason to gawk at Cage’s chest.

  “You gonna tell me why you’ve been avoiding me the past couple of days?”

  I dipped my toes into the water testing the temperature. With the shade from the trees, our part of the lake remained cooler than other parts.

  I tried to focus on the water and ignore his question. How was I supposed to answer that anyway? I didn’t want to tell him the truth: that I was embarrassed because I smelled horrible, slept in his bed and probably snored all night.

  Shrugging, I stepped into the water and kept going until it reached my waist. Then I turned back to look at Cage. He was standing on the bank with his eyes focused on me. The dark blue boxers hung on his narrow hips and the dark hair that began just below his navel had me swallowing hard.

  “You wouldn’t consider walking back out of the water and letting me stand here and watch, would ya?”

  “What?” I asked and he just smiled and shook his head.

  “Never mind.”

  He held my gaze as he walked down into the cool water. I wanted to stare at his nipple again but I wouldn’t let myself. It would just give him one more thing to tease me about.

  “Ah, sweet relief. My invisible fairy has left me high and dry the past two days. I’ve had to fend for myself with my water and all I’ve had to cool off with was the lake. Wonder what it was I did to piss her off?”r />
  The laugh that bubbled up inside me surprised me. I hadn’t laughed in so long, until Cage. He always knew how to make me laugh. How to make me forget.

  “The invisible fairy was embarrassed by her behavior,” I muttered and sank deeper into the water.

  “Why? What did she do?” he asked, following me out deeper into the water.

  “She drank a little too much,” I admitted.

  Cage’s eyes went wide in surprise, “Really? Fairies drink? I’ll be damned. I had no idea. Would you mind letting her know I don’t hold it against her? I happen to have made some bad choices where tequila was involved.”

  His acceptance of my stupidity made something in me melt. Had I ever known anyone like him before? He made mistakes and fessed up to them. He didn’t make excuses for the things he did wrong. He just dealt with it and went on. I wanted to be that strong. I wanted that kind of determination to just live.

  “I wish I were more like you,” I said before I could think about it.

  Cage’s eyes really did go wide with shock this time. “What?” he asked.

  Shrugging, I dipped my head back to wet my hair and slick it back out of my face. “You heard me. You accept life and your mistakes and you go on. I don’t do that well.”

  “Don’t say that Eva. You don’t want to be anything like me. I’ve done some fucked-up stuff. Made some really bad decisions. If I hadn’t had Low there to keep me grounded, who knows? I’d probably be in jail by now.”

  Low? As in Willow the redhead? So, she was his girlfriend? If Low had been the one to keep him from completely screwing up his life then why the heck was he flirting with Becca Lynn and me? The old me would have stormed off in a huff. I didn’t want to do that now. Josh would have run after me and tried to fix whatever was wrong. Cage wouldn’t do that. He would expect me to tell him what was wrong with me. He wouldn’t run after me. Cage York didn’t run after women.

  “Does Low know that you flirt with every attractive female you come in contact with?” I asked, trying hard not to sound jealous. Because I was not jealous. I was not.