You Were Mine Read online

Blaire let out a frustrated sigh. “She needs to talk to someone.”

  “And it doesn’t have to be you. She will when she’s ready. Leave her alone.” Tripp’s tone with Blaire surprised me. I turned around to look at Blaire, who was locked in a staring contest with Tripp.

  “Fine. But I’m not sure she wants you, either,” Blaire said.

  “She doesn’t. But I’m not pushing her to talk.” Tripp took a step to place himself between Blaire and me. I didn’t need protection from my best friend, but the wall I’d built suffered a small crack with that one move.

  Blaire nodded and walked back to the party.

  When she was out of sight, Tripp turned around, and our gazes locked. “You OK?” he asked.

  I tried to nod, but I only managed a shrug.

  “That’s not convincing, Bethy.”

  I had been lying to everyone for so long I was out of lies. I was tired of it. No, I wasn’t OK. I was a horrible person. I had to live with that. I had to live with the pain and destruction I had caused. I would never be OK. “Thanks for . . .” I waved my hand toward where Blaire stood. “That,” I finished.

  He nodded. Then he turned and walked away. He wasn’t going to stay and make me talk. Another small crack in my wall. This wasn’t good. I needed my wall now more than ever.

  Tripp

  Bethy came back to the luau fifteen minutes later with a smile that didn’t match her eyes, but no one seemed to notice but me. She danced with Thad and then a bit with Blaire. She held Lila Kate for a while. Seeing her talk to the baby and cuddle her in her arms hurt. I couldn’t look away, even though the pain of what we had lost was breathtaking. I didn’t blame Bethy. She’d been young and scared. Her father was never happy with her and was rarely around. She hadn’t been ready to be a mother then. And I hadn’t been there to stand beside her.

  But I did blame me. Forgiving others was easy—it was forgiving myself that was proving impossible.

  One of the servers who kept coming back to flirt with me appeared at my arm again. “I get off in five minutes¸” she said close to my ear. The girl was younger than me by a couple of years. Her long blond hair stood out against her island tan. There was no question that she was attractive. Thad had been watching her all night. But she’d kept coming over to me.

  “I’m sure you’re tired,” I replied evenly, not taking my eyes off Bethy. She was handing Lila Kate back to her daddy. Grant didn’t let that kid out of his arms often.

  “I’m actually ready for some fun. A late-night swim, maybe, if I had some company,” she said as she ran her hand up my arm. She was tracing one of my tattoos. It was the first ink I got, and women seemed to love it best. What they didn’t realize was that inside the tribal print that covered most of my left arm were roman numerals marking the date most important to me.

  “Do you see the date hidden in the print?” I asked the girl, not looking at her. I wanted to see if Bethy was leaving.

  “Hmmm . . . here?” she asked, tracing the numerals.

  “Yeah,” I said as Bethy laughed at something Thad was saying to her. It was forced. She didn’t feel it. I knew the sound of her real laugh.

  “Six, twenty-eight, two thousand and eight,” she said as her finger traced the last number. “What does it represent? Can’t be your birthday,” she said teasingly.

  “It was the night I gave my heart to that woman over there,” I said simply.

  The night Bethy had become mine.

  The girl’s finger stopped tracing the ink and fell away. She didn’t speak at first. I thought she’d walk away now. I expected her to.

  “She hasn’t spoken to you all night. I thought you were single,” the server finally said.

  “She has hated me for eight years. Doesn’t change anything,” I replied.

  As if she could hear me from across the fire, Bethy’s gaze lifted and met mine. I watched as her chest rose and fell quickly. She shifted her eyes to the girl beside me before turning away. Her suddenly stiff posture didn’t worry me. In fact, I wanted to shout and pound my chest. Bethy was jealous. Or at least, she was affected by seeing me with someone else.

  It was a start.

  “She doesn’t look interested,” the girl said.

  “Doesn’t change anything,” I repeated. Because it didn’t. I was done with shallow and meaningless.

  The girl sighed and finally stepped away from me. “That’s a shame. We could have had fun.”

  No. We could have had empty.

  I let her walk away without acknowledging her last attempt to get my attention. Bethy didn’t look back at me. When she started to move, I took a step in that direction, too.

  Before I could take another one, though, a hand landed on my shoulder. Turning back, I saw Rush standing there, and I wondered if he was here to try to kick my ass for talking to his wife the way I had earlier.

  “Bethy,” he said, and I didn’t reply, because I wasn’t sure what he meant. “I heard what you told the server. The date on your arm. That was the summer before you left. You were talking about Bethy.”

  “Yeah,” I mumbled, but I didn’t stick around to answer any more questions. Bethy was headed for her hut out on the water.

  “Well, now it all makes fucking sense,” Rush muttered as I walked away.

  Bethy didn’t seem to notice she was being followed. She kept her head down as she walked out over the water and passed my hut. I watched her glance at it, and I wondered if it had even occurred to her to see who was staying next door.

  I walked up to my hut and stopped as she stood outside hers. She crossed her arms over her stomach as she looked out over the water. I moved behind the shade of the palm tree outside my door and watched as she let her head fall back and closed her eyes. I wished I could get her to talk to me. I wanted to tell her so much. I wanted to hold her and mourn what we had lost together. But more than anything, I wanted her in my life. Any way she’d allow.

  “I know you’re there. You’re always there. I don’t know what to do with that, Tripp. I don’t know what to do about anything anymore.” Bethy’s words snapped me out of my inner thoughts, and I stepped out of what I thought was my hiding place.

  She turned to look at me with so much pain in her eyes. I wanted to heal that. Take it away. “Talk to me,” I said.

  Bethy shook her head and looked away. “Anything we’d say would hold so much hurt. Why do you want to bring it all up again?”

  “It’s the first step to healing. And not everything is painful,” I reminded her. Because it wasn’t. We had memories that got me through some of the hardest times.

  “You want that girl you left behind. I’m not her! Don’t you get it? She’s gone. I’ve lost her. I made choices that made me an awful person. I’m not worth all this time and energy you’re wasting.”

  Fuck. I took a step toward her, and she took a step back. “You’re wrong there. I don’t want the sixteen-year-old girl I left behind. I want the woman she’s become. The kind, compassionate, faithful, strong woman I watch from afar every day of my life. I want her. Nothing ever changed for me. Not with you.”

  Bethy let out a hard laugh that made me wince. It was laced with pain and anger. “I aborted my baby, Tripp. Our baby. Then I slept with guys who didn’t give a shit about me. Until Jace saw something worthwhile in me. He loved me. Then you walked back into Rosemary Beach, and my stupid heart picked up and came back to life. Jace loved me and wanted a life with me, but you were invading my dreams and thoughts. I can’t take that back. He’s gone, and I can’t make it right—”

  “Stop. You were a kid, Bethy. A scared kid. And you did the only thing you knew to do. What your aunt wanted you to do. That decision was all my fault. All me, sweetheart. It was all me. That’s my cross to bear. Not yours. You slept with guys because you were trying to cover the pain. And Jace was smart enough to see the beauty inside you and want that in his life. You’re easy to love, Bethy. So damn easy to love. Jace got that. He loved you, and you loved him. Me coming b
ack to town brought up old memories and things you wanted to forget. You didn’t betray Jace. You loved him. I was just a part of your past that you didn’t have closure on. So don’t blame yourself. Don’t think you did something wrong.”

  Bethy’s tear-streaked face turned toward me. Her look told me that I was right, that I hadn’t been her only love. It was something I tried not to think about, because she was it for me. I’d never felt that way about anyone else. But she had. Her heart had moved on.

  “I did love him,” she said with a sad smile. “I loved him so much. But when I saw you again, there was something in me that woke up. That’s something I have to live with. He deserved all of me, and he never had that.”

  I didn’t have a response for that. Bethy turned and walked into her hut. I didn’t move. I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at the spot she’d been standing in.

  She had loved Jace. I’d seen it in her eyes when she looked at him. He had made her happy. Every time he told her he loved her and she melted into his arms, my soul had shattered a little more.

  But was she telling me that I still had a piece of her heart?

  Bethy

  When I left for the bridesmaids’ breakfast and spa treatments on the main island the next morning, Tripp’s walls were still down on his hut. I figured he was still sleeping. I had expected him to show up at my door last night after what I’d said. But he hadn’t. He wasn’t going to push me. He had always wanted to protect me. Even from himself. That was one of the things I’d loved about him when I was a young girl.

  No one had really ever wanted to protect me besides Aunt Darla, and sometimes she didn’t do a very good job. But Tripp had been my hero back then. He had cared about me, and he’d made sure I knew it. His actions were all I needed. He was doing that still.

  I felt another crack in my wall. Damn, my wall was weakening fast. What would I do when it finally crumbled? How would I deal? Maybe we needed closure. Then we could move on. Find a life where we could start over fresh. Where old memories didn’t haunt us.

  “Bethy!” Blaire called out my name, and I turned to see her hurrying toward me. She was wearing a designer sundress and a pair of heels. Both of which cost more than my entire wardrobe. Seeing her all dolled up made me smile. I remembered the girl in jeans and tank tops.

  “Good morning,” I said as she caught up with me. “You look like you’re ready to walk down a runway. Per usual.”

  Blaire grimaced. “I know. Rush makes me spend money on clothes. It’s part of his taking-care-of-me thing. I do it for him.”

  “Don’t make excuses. Own your sexy self,” I teased.

  Blaire frowned and took my hand in hers, getting serious on me fast. I didn’t want to hash this out with her, but knowing Blaire, it had bothered her all night. I needed to let her talk so she could feel better. “I’m sorry about last night.”

  I nodded. “Me, too. I was having a bad moment.”

  Blaire took a deep breath. “I don’t want to make you tell me something you don’t want to. But I’m here when you’re ready to talk about . . . things. Tripp.”

  Last night, we’d been too obvious. At least to Blaire. Slowly, our friends were starting to question our past. But talking about it would mean we’d have to tell them everything.

  I wasn’t ready.

  “Thank you. And when I can deal with it, I will come to you first. But before that, Tripp and I have to deal with things. Things from the past. We haven’t done that. I just haven’t been ready. Part of me expected him to leave and give up. But deep down, the part of me who knows him knew he wouldn’t leave.”

  Blaire pressed her lips together tightly, as if trying to hold back a million questions. She finally nodded and pulled me into a hug. “I love you. I’m here. OK?”

  Tears pricked my eyes. “Love you, too,” I croaked out.

  When she pulled back, she sniffed and blinked away her own tears, then smiled. “Let’s go celebrate with Della.”

  “Yeah. I’m starving. I hope this island breakfast is damn good.”

  Blaire laughed as she hooked her arm through mine. “Nate will be here tonight. He’ll be thrilled to see his ‘An Betty,’ ” she said as she patted my arm.

  His Aunt Bethy was ready to see him, too.

  Tripp

  Eight years ago

  Bethy hadn’t been to my condo yet. We had spent most of our time together an hour out of town so no one could spot us. But tonight Bethy’s dad was out of town, and I wasn’t letting her stay alone. I had to hope like hell Woods and his friends didn’t show up.

  The idea of having Bethy in my bed, sleeping beside me, made any risk I took worth it. I had her overnight bag on my arm as I opened my condo and motioned her inside. She walked in slowly and looked around. It wasn’t that big, but it was nicer than where she lived. I knew that.

  “You hungry?” I asked, slipping my hand to her lower back just because I needed to touch her.

  She shook her head. “Not really. Can you see the Gulf from there?” she asked, pointing to the French doors leading outside to the balcony.

  “Yep,” I replied, setting her bag down on a bar stool and leading her to the doors so she could see for herself.

  “This is really nice, Tripp,” she said, glancing back at me in awe.

  “Yeah, my grandfather is generous,” I agreed. “My parents hate him for this, though,” I added with a smile.

  She stepped outside. “This is a fantastic view.”

  Her long dark hair was caught up in the breeze, and the moonlight illuminated her features. She was right. The view was amazing. I walked over and stretched out on the lounger and held my hand up to her. “Come sit with me.”

  She came to me without pause. Since the night on the beach, she’d lost some of her nervous reserve with me. I hadn’t done more than kiss and touch her the past week, but that was only because I wasn’t sure I could stop things if I let them get that far again.

  I wrapped my arms around her and settled her between my legs so she could lie back against me. Just having her in my arms was enough. Most of the time. Other times I needed to touch her and watch her face as I made her feel good. She was so expressive. I craved that. Although I left most nights in serious pain. I had to get my own release. I couldn’t ask her to do that.

  “You sure you’re not thirsty or anything?” I asked her as I drew circles with my finger over her arms. I just liked touching her.

  “I’m good,” she replied, snuggling closer against me. “I could stay like this forever.”

  Me, too. Having her with me, not having to share her with the world, was perfect. I didn’t want morning to come.

  “It will be July in a week,” she said softly. The sadness in her voice didn’t go unnoticed.

  “Yeah, it will. Summer is going by too fast,” I replied. I didn’t want to talk about my leaving. I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t want to leave her.

  She didn’t say anything right away, but I knew she was thinking about the fall. When I had to go. Finally, she sighed and laid her head back on my shoulder. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to get over you.”

  Her words snapped me out of my own sad thoughts. Why would she want to get over me? That wasn’t in my plan. If she got over me, would she move on to another guy? Someone else who would touch her and bring her to orgasm? Fuck no. I tightened my hold on her. “Why do you have to get over me?” I asked, trying not to let the panic I was feeling come through in my words.

  She turned her head and looked up at me. “You’ll move on, too. I’ll just be a summer memory.”

  Bethy would never be just a summer memory. I wasn’t willing to label this thing we had, but I knew I wasn’t sharing. And if someone else touched her, I’d break his hands. The need to make sure she understood she was mine and always would be was irrational. Because I would leave in the fall. I had to. My future wasn’t in Rosemary Beach, and she was too young to go with me.

  “I don’t want you to move on,”
I told her truthfully as I slipped my hand under her shirt. Bethy’s breathing hitched as I covered one of her breasts with my hand. “I don’t like the idea of someone else touching you.”

  She let out a ragged sigh, and I tugged down her bra so that her heaviness fell into my hands. She was motherfucking perfect. “Mmmm,” she moaned, and arched into me.

  “I just want to make you feel like this,” I said, rolling a nipple between my finger and thumb. I slipped my other hand down the front of her shorts, and her legs fell open without hesitation. Smiling, I kissed the side of her head as I watched her eyelashes flutter closed.

  Like always, Bethy was already so wet her panties were damp. She stayed like this with me. I’d touched other girls before like this. Girls before Bethy. They’d always been dry and tense. The idea of a wet pussy was incredibly hot. Until Bethy, I hadn’t known what an already-wet one actually felt like. Then there was her smell. Just thinking about how she smelled made me hard.

  She lifted her hips and whimpered as I slid a finger down to circle her clit. That was her favorite spot. I’d read enough magazines to learn how to do it just right.

  “Take off your shorts and panties,” I said. I wanted to watch my hand as I played with her. She lifted her bottom so I could help her tug them down. When they were gone, she lay back against me again with her legs open. I lifted my hand to smell her and licked the taste off my fingers. She watched me with wide eyes, and the pulse in her neck quickened and throbbed. “You taste really good,” I told her.

  She took a swift breath and squirmed.

  “Lean up. I want you naked,” I instructed her, knowing this was a bad idea. I hadn’t had her naked since the night on the beach, and I’d wanted inside her so bad that night. I knew she’d let me if I asked. But I couldn’t do that to her. I was leaving. I didn’t deserve her virginity. But damn, I wanted it to be mine.

  She lifted her shirt and tossed it, and I made quick work of her bra.

  Then she leaned back again, completely naked in my arms. It was the most humbling and erotic sight I’d ever seen. I had only slept with four girls and seen about seven naked, so my experience wasn’t that great, especially compared with Rush, Grant, and Woods. But I knew that this time with Bethy would mark me. For life.