Losing the Field Read online

  “I think,” I replied, holding out my hands and turning in a circle. After trying on everything new in my closet, I had come back to the very first thing I had pulled out. A blue-jean skirt that hit midthigh and a T-shirt that had been bought with the worn look and a cut-out triangle on the chest, giving it a V shape yet keeping the neckline there. The faded blue made my eyes pop, and the word Dreamer on the front was perfect. Especially for tonight. I pointed at my boots. “It’s between either those or the wedges. I thought the boots may be easier if we end up at the field party.”

  Mom looked like a giddy teenager with her grin. “Boots definitely. They go perfect with that look. Very edgy, sexy, casual. I like it. I may steal it.”

  I shook my head. “No. You are not wearing this.”

  She put a hand on her narrow hip and cocked an eyebrow at me. “Are you insinuating I am too old to wear that?”

  “No, but you’ll look better in it. I don’t need my mom outdoing me,” I replied honestly.

  She didn’t like that. Her smile turned into a frown. “You are kidding me, right? Tallulah, honey, you’re stunning. Young and beautiful inside and out. You always have been. No matter what size you are, you are a beauty who also happens to be the best part of me. You’re my one great achievement in life. You are what I am proud of most in this world. Don’t you ever believe that you are less than. You hold your head high.”

  I held up my hand to stop her or she’d keep going, and I would never be ready in time. “Mom, okay. I know you love me. I shouldn’t have said that. You can wear any of my clothes. Everyone always mistakes us for sisters anyway. I have good genes. I should be thankful. I am thankful.”

  She started to smile again. “You’re nervous. Don’t be. Nash Lee is the lucky one. You go out with him tonight and know he is who should be nervous. He has you on his arm.”

  I rolled my eyes. My mother was a bigger dreamer than me. “Says my mother and biggest fan. It’s Nash. He’s not nervous. He has never been the fat kid who tried to blend in with the walls.”

  “Tallulah,” she started again, and I hurried in to stop her.

  “Mom, I’m kidding. Just let me get ready. I’m going to be nervous. Nash has been my crush since I started school here. It’s unavoidable. I am going to be nervous.”

  She sighed, then shrugged. “Okay. Fine. Get ready. But look at yourself in that mirror good.” She started to turn to leave, then flashed me one last smile. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  Finally I was alone again.

  I took in my body in the mirror. The way I fit into clothing now. I still felt the same inside. Seeing my outward appearance didn’t change more than my clothing size. Confidence didn’t come from the way you could or could not wear a short skirt. It came from inside.

  “You’re a good person. You’re smart. The way you look isn’t who you are,” I whispered to the girl in the mirror. She was still so new to me. I didn’t recognize myself when I saw my reflection. It always took me a second to remember that was me now.

  Although my reflection couldn’t respond, I nodded for her. Then smiled because I was being extremely dramatic. I had thirty minutes left to get on my boots and decide if my hair was going up or down.

  Was I That Damn Shallow?

  CHAPTER 16

  NASH

  The two-story white house had been on my road all my life. Every Halloween it was decorated the best. When I was a kid, it was my favorite house to trick-or-treat at. Each Christmas the lights from this house outdid everyone else on the street. I passed the house during those holidays and always glanced its way to see what new things had been added.

  The one thing I never thought about was that this was Tallulah’s house. I liked the decorations, but the people who lived here hadn’t been something I gave much thought to. I parked my just-washed Escalade in the driveway and got out. I was self-conscious of my limp. My mind immediately went to Tallulah watching me from one of the windows on the second floor and seeing the way I walked. I hated this feeling, knowing that I was different.

  Being nervous about a date wasn’t something I was familiar with. That had changed too. I couldn’t walk as fast. People noticed my limp and watched me. I sure as hell didn’t have a swagger anymore. I glanced back at my car and thought about leaving, forgetting this. I was more than likely a pity date. Of all the girls at Lawton High, she would be the one to go out with a guy because she felt sorry for him. She knew what it was like to be unwanted.

  But I had never stood a girl up, and I wasn’t about to start now. Walking to her door, I silently prayed she wasn’t watching me walk. Didn’t have to be reminded what she was going out with tonight. I shouldn’t have asked her, but I did. I had wanted to, and she’d said yes so easily.

  The front door wasn’t covered in decorations. It was the end of August, and the holidays that Tallulah’s mother seemed to love hadn’t begun yet. I rang the doorbell and waited. But only for a moment.

  The door swung open, and the attractive petite woman who I remembered giving me candy as a child stood there smiling. Tallulah had never come to school events. Her mother wasn’t one who was in the PTA or any other parent organization. I never realized this was her house.

  “Nash,” she said brightly. “It’s nice to see you. Come on in. Tallulah is almost ready.”

  She knew me. Which made it even more embarrassing that I didn’t know if her last name was the same as Tallulah’s. I didn’t know her first name either. I had no name to refer to her by. I slapped on a smile. “No hurry. I’m maybe a few minutes early.” I wasn’t. But it sounded good to say it.

  Her mother stepped back and waved me inside. The entry was small and led right into a large living area. Everything was bright and cheery. Very different. Interesting artwork and a ceiling painted the blue of the sky were the first things to catch my attention. There were even a few clouds up there.

  “I like the sky, and I like to paint. It’s my thing,” her mother explained. I glanced over at her, and she was also looking up at the ceiling, smiling with a fondness. “Took me a month to paint that thing. I’m scared of heights you see, so this was a challenge. But I did a little every day. Now I can relax and enjoy it any time I want.”

  Was Tallulah this much of a dreamer? She didn’t appear to be. I would guess it was hard to ever be negative in this kind of home. Her mother didn’t seem to be the kind who was ever negative.

  “It’s cool,” I agreed. Because it was.

  “Let me show you the kitchen!” she said with obvious pride in her voice. I followed as she led me to the next room. It was blue. Everything was a different shade of blue. “Look up.”

  I did as told, and it took me a moment, but I figured it out. We were under the sea. I glanced back down after looking up at the world from under the water to notice a few pieces of sea life here and there. This would be one hard house to sell because, as creative as all this was, it would take someone like Tallulah’s mom to appreciate it. My mother for example . . . this would not be her thing.

  “I’m ready. I’ll rescue you before she takes you to the staircase to show you the ceiling there.”

  I turned to Tallulah, and the wildly painted house was forgotten. Tallulah was stunning. Breathtaking. No wonder the twenty-seven-year-old teacher was attracted to her. She didn’t look seventeen. Dressed like this, she looked older. When everyone saw her tonight, she’d have plenty of guys to choose from. This was possibly the only date I’d get. The sympathy date would be done.

  “The bathroom looks like the night sky, her bedroom looks like a stormy sky, and the stairs look like you’re under the stairs in the cupboard with Harry Potter.” Tallulah smirked. “I went through a Harry Potter stage when I was younger, and she did it for my birthday surprise.” Then she turned to her mother. “Thanks for keeping him entertained. Love you,” she said, then hugged her mom, who kissed her on the cheek.

  “Love you. Have fun,” she said to me as well as Tallulah. “Drive c
areful. Wear your seat belts.” My mother always said the same thing when I left the house.

  “Always,” Tallulah replied. Then she turned back to me, and her smile faded. She wasn’t full of confidence. She wasn’t trying to be flirty. There wasn’t the “aren’t I gorgeous” smirk on her lips. I raised an eyebrow as if to challenge her. Would she really say something rude right here in front of her mother? I loved our verbal combat, but I doubted she’d start it up in front of her eager mother. Then it happened. She smiled. At me. I’d missed that smile. Really missed it. It was slow and a little shy. That was what made her smile so damn beautiful. It wasn’t arrogant. It was unique, something I had only experienced with Tallulah. I didn’t want that to change. I didn’t want her to change.

  Why hadn’t I asked her out before? I’d always loved her smile. It made me feel good. Why had I waited until she was thin? Was I that damn shallow?

  Yes.

  I was.

  And I didn’t like to admit it. Or accept it. But I was.

  “You look beautiful,” I told her, not caring that her mother was still standing there.

  Her cheeks turned a pretty pink, and she lowered her lashes, unable to look at me as she said, “Thank you.”

  That was what I’d been missing. Now that I realized it was out there. The guilt from not asking her out before her weight loss was heavy. Made me feel superficial. When Tallulah was anything but. She was spending her first Friday night back at high school with me. A cripple. Who she wanted to hate. I’d hurt her and caused pain that she was trying like hell to hold against me. But she was crumbling. Right before my eyes.

  “Let’s go get a burger,” I said when it was obvious she was embarrassed by my compliment and unsure how to handle it. She hadn’t received many of those in her life. The way she accepted it was so damn sweet.

  “Okay,” she agreed, peeking back up at me.

  “Bye, y’all,” her mother called out.

  “It was nice to officially meet you,” I told her mother.

  She beamed brightly and Tallulah turned and we walked out of the house.

  When the door closed behind us, she looked at me and said, “I promise she’s not crazy.”

  I laughed. Because I hadn’t been thinking that at all. But the serious expression on Tallulah’s face was adorable. My chest was light. I was happy.

  Damn.

  There Is a Lot You Don’t Know about Me

  CHAPTER 17

  TALLULAH

  “Are you scared of heights like your mom?”

  I thought that was an odd question. It was the first thing he asked when we got in his vehicle. I’d been a little distracted thinking that I was sitting in Nash Lee’s famous silver Escalade. Girls had wanted to be in this Escalade since the moment he’d driven it into the parking lot the first time at school. A lot had been whispered to have happened in the back of this Escalade as well. But the question about my fear of heights snapped me back to the moment. Away from my thoughts.

  “No. That’s my mom’s issue. Not mine.”

  He flashed me a grin. “Good.” Then he didn’t say any more about it. The next thing he asked was “Are your parents divorced?”

  I shook my head. “They were never married. I’ve never met my dad. Don’t care to.”

  He frowned. “Sounds like a douche.”

  I nodded my head in agreement. “I can’t imagine what my mother ever saw in him. Unless he charmed her. She’s easily charmed. Lives in a happy place where bad things don’t happen. Even when they do, she finds the bright side and carries on.”

  When I was younger, that had annoyed me about my mom. I wanted her to accept reality. I didn’t understand why she didn’t get upset about bad things. Like the time we had to go a month on peanut butter sandwiches and milk because our car had broken down and to fix it cost most of her monthly paycheck. But instead of being upset, she’d cut the sandwiches in funny shapes. Made a new story out of the sandwich characters every night. It was just how she was. Always optimistic. I understood that as I got older. And now I was thankful for it. She’d kept me smiling many times when I just wanted to cry.

  “I always loved trick-or-treating at your house the best. Your mom had the best decorations and homemade treats. Those cupcakes were more exciting than any candy. And one year it was Rice Krispies treats shaped like pumpkins. A kid’s jackpot.”

  I smiled. Mom always loved Halloween and Christmas. She made both those holidays big. Her excitement over them made me equally excited. It wouldn’t be but a few more weeks before she’d have me crawl into the attic and hand her down the Halloween decorations. She may have painted the ceilings, but she still wouldn’t climb the attic ladder. That was my job.

  “We spent days before Halloween making those. You should see what all she makes for Christmas. My teachers look forward to the large holiday tins full of treats she brings up to the school. It was embarrassing when she kept doing it once I got to junior high school, but I got over it. Now I don’t make a fuss when I have to haul all those tins to the school and hand them out.”

  Nash chuckled. “Damn, she’s like Martha Stewart.”

  “Not even close! Martha cleans her house a lot more often than my mom.”

  Nash was still grinning when he pulled into the burger place in town. “I called in our order. Wait here. I’ll go grab it.”

  I nodded, confused. Why weren’t we eating in there? My first thought was he was embarrassed to be seen with me. I almost expected that. But then I figured that couldn’t be it. He was taking me to the football game and out afterward. I tried not to let the old Tallulah leak through. The self-conscious one. The girl who tried to hide from everyone so no one would make fun of her.

  Blakely was walking out with a group of cheerleaders. They were all dressed for the game. I knew they hadn’t actually eaten in there. Not before they cheered for hours on the field. But several had to-go cups of coffee or soda. Blakely was looking back inside, and she sighed dramatically, then said something to the other girls. I couldn’t be sure, but it looked like she was talking about Nash. Almost as if she felt sorry for him. Or pitied him.

  When he walked out, she said something to him, and he paused. His entire body tensed, and I reacted before I could think it through. Opening the door to his Escalade, I stepped out. I was almost to the group before the other girls started to notice me. I’d never tried to actually strut. Until now. I held my head high. Put on a confident face and slung my hair back over my left shoulder.

  I had seen this done hundreds of times by the very group of girls I was about to approach. Drawing attention to myself like this made me want to puke. But I didn’t let that show. I acted as if I owned the world and it was amusing.

  “You found friends,” I said to Nash as I slipped an arm around his free one and stood there beside him. “Aren’t y’all gonna be late?” I asked as sweetly as I could, keeping my eyes on Blakely.

  She looked confused and surprised.

  “Are you with her?” Blakely finally asked, her face turning from the pity she had to a pinched, angry look.

  “Tallulah, this is Blakely. I’m sure you’ve never met her. She’s very self-absorbed. Doesn’t make friends easily,” Nash said with ease. Not missing a beat. I felt like giving him a high five.

  “I know who she is!” Blakely snapped. “Everybody knows about the fat girl who lost weight. Freak.” She said the words in hopes of hurting me. But I had spent years watching people quietly from the corner. I could read expressions better than most. She was jealous. She had left Nash but hadn’t expected him to move on so easily or quickly. It was hurting her ego.

  “I was unaware that weight loss was freakish. You’ve enlightened me,” I replied with a smile.

  She started to say something else to me but snapped her mouth shut, then swung her gaze back to Nash. “We broke up, what? Three days ago? And you’re already out with someone?” She sounded outraged. Was this girl for real? I had seen her with Hunter since Monday.

/>   “Oh, y’all just broke up on Tuesday? Was Hunter aware of that? Because the groping session that was going on in the hallway during second period Monday between the two of you made it seem you were perfectly available.”

  Her eyes widened then went to slits as she glared at me. “Stay out of this, bitch! No one asked for your fucking opinion.”

  Nash moved then. He stood between us in a protective move. “Don’t speak to her like that. In fact, Blakely, if you could not speak to me at all, that would be best.” He turned and took my hand. “Let’s go. She’s a waste of our time.”

  I couldn’t help but glance back over my shoulder as we walked to his Escalade and flash her a smile.

  “BITCH!” she yelled at me.

  “Are you taunting her?” Nash asked me with a trace of humor in his tone.

  “Probably,” I admitted.

  “You’re a little spitfire, Miss Liddell. I never knew.”

  I shrugged as he opened the passenger door for me. “There is a lot you don’t know about me.”

  He was still watching me after I climbed in and sat down. “I’d like to change that.”

  The smile that spread across my face was so big it almost hurt. Almost.

  My Life and Criminal Record Are in Your Hands

  CHAPTER 18

  NASH

  The water tower was a place I hadn’t gone in years. You could see the football field from here. I used to watch the older guys play from this spot and dream of the day I could play. Since I had been on that field, I hadn’t been back here.

  “Nash,” Tallulah said hesitantly as she stared at the water tower in front of us. I opened my door to climb out with the dinner I’d gotten us in my hand.