Because of Lila Read online

  She sighed heavily, and then finally turned to look at me. “That’s what you like?”

  “Drinking shots from a woman’s cleavage? Yes, so do all heterosexual men on the fucking planet.”

  “You don’t know her.”

  “No, but that doesn’t really matter.”

  She studied me a moment. “Have you ever been in love, Cruz?”

  What the fuck? How had we gone from me liking whiskey between tits to love? “No, but what the hell’s that got to do with this conversation?”

  The way she was studying me made me uncomfortable. Like she could see more than I wanted. “Because it seems shallow.”

  “It’s sexy, fun. It’s not supposed to be anything more.”

  Lila didn’t reply to that. I let her pull her arm out of my grasp. She finally nodded. “Okay.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by “okay” and if that was her way of ending this ridiculous talk we were having then good.

  “Let’s go find more sexy and fun things to do,” she said as she began walking again.

  I fell into step beside her. She went to the very next bar and didn’t wait for me to order a drink. Instead, she went straight to the bar and ordered a double shot of whiskey for herself, downed it in one very long gulp, then ordered another.

  “Unless you want me holding back your hair out there on the street you need to slow down,” I warned. She ignored me and drank the next one exactly the same way. After that, she left me ordering my own drink and walked out to the dance floor. I placed my order with the bartender then watched in shock as Lila Kate let a man take her hand and put her up on a table. The guy on stage called out “What you want to hear sweet thing?”

  She gave him a big saucy smile I’d never seen on Lila Kate before. “Poison,” she yelled out.

  Poison? What the fuck was she doing?

  “I think I’m in love!” the guy on stage shouted Then the band started up, and so did Lila. I knew all about her dancing. She’d done it her whole life. It was what paid for her college. But what I didn’t know was that beyond the ballet and other fancy shit she’d learned that somewhere along the way, Lila Kate had learned to do something that would make her millions if she ever decided to take her clothes off and take up a career dancing on a pole. Motherfucker.

  After I pulled my jaw off the floor, I had to fight the urge to take her off that table and away from all the catcalls and whistling and cheering. Was it sexy as hell? Yes. More so than anything I’d ever seen. Back to the Snow White gone bad thing I’d tried to explain to her earlier. But it wasn’t Lila. She had class. She wasn’t the kind of girl who did things like this.

  I held out until some drunk bastard reached up and ran his hand up her calf. Then I was done. She’d made whatever goddamn point she had wanted to make and I didn’t need to see anymore. I stalked through the crowd, and after shoving two guys back, I grabbed her legs and threw her over my shoulder.

  She squealed.

  “Hey! Put the woman down!” A guy who had been admiring the view said standing in my path.

  “She’s with me. We are traveling together. She’s mine,” I replied giving him a warning glare.

  “Are you okay with him taking you?” the guy on the stage asked.

  “Yes,” she said sounding annoyed.

  “Let her go, guys,” the lead singer said, and my path was cleared. “If she was mine I’d have taken her too.”

  Lila Kate

  JUST BECAUSE I let him haul me out of there like a caveman didn’t mean I wasn’t angry. I was furious. He could have a good time but I couldn’t. There were rules I was missing. He liked girls to show off their body and flaunt it, but I wasn’t allowed to flaunt mine.

  When we were far enough away from the bar that he wasn’t going to get in a fight, I slapped his back and started wiggling to be set free. “Let me down!”

  He stopped walking and put me on my feet. “Can I trust you’re not going to jump on a pole somewhere and take off your clothing?” he snapped at me.

  That was it. I hadn’t asked him to come to Sea Breeze. I had left because of something he had said. He was the reason I ran in the first place. He had accused me of being cold and icy. And when I did what it was he obviously liked from women, he got angry. I couldn’t win. Not with him.

  “What? Was that too clean for you? Would you rather I go in there and jerk my top off and start giving out shots in my cleavage?”

  His expression was one you gave someone who was mentally unstable. “Fuck no!”

  “Then what is it that you like Cruz? You call me icy and say I’m untouchable. Breakable. I take off to prove I’m none of those things. Then when I get brave and loosen up and do things like that in there, you act as if I’m doing something wrong. I don’t get it. I wish I didn’t care. I have tried not to care for so long I can’t even remember when I didn’t. You. It’s always been you. I hate that. I hate that it’s you. Why couldn’t it be someone else? Someone who was like . . . like . . . Eli! Someone like him. Why can’t I want someone like Eli? What is so wrong with my head that I have always wanted you?” The words were coming out. I heard myself, and I knew I should shut up. That what I was saying could never be taken back. But it was like I’d handed control of my mouth over to someone else, and they were failing at their job. Because even when I tried to stop, it got worse.

  “Is it how I look? Am I not pretty enough? Do you prefer another type? Maybe it’s my breasts—maybe because they aren’t as large as the girl in the bar? Is that it? What about me makes you treat me like a school marm? Please tell me so I can fix it!”

  People were ignoring us. They walked right past us, and when I was done ranting, I realized I had just yelled all of that for anyone around us to hear. Someone called out, “I think you’re fucking sexy, baby. Come on over here.”

  I tuned that out. This street was full of drunks. I was one of them apparently because I had just said stuff I’d never ever say sober. I had too much pride. Drunken Lila Kate had no pride. I wish I’d realized that sooner.

  “You’re not cheap. You’re not easy. You’re like a rare fucking diamond. You want me? You want my attention? Why? I’m a mess. I can’t be what you deserve. I don’t even know how. And if I let myself touch you, enjoy what you just did in there, I’ll be ruined. You think you want me, but if you really knew me you’d change your mind. Then I would have had a taste of you and nothing would ever compare to that again. You terrify me. Scare me like nothing has ever scared me in my life.” His eyes were bright and wild. His hand was trembling as I dropped my gaze to stare at it, unable to keep our gazes locked. Everything else on him seemed tight. Stiff.

  “I do know you. I’ve watched you my entire life. I’ve seen you at your worst and your best.” I didn’t yell those words. I just said them and let them hang there while I continued to let his words soak in. I hadn’t expected that from him. I still wasn’t sure if I might be dreaming. Could I be passed out drunk somewhere?

  “I don’t do relationships, Lila.”

  I lifted my gaze then. “I’m not asking for one.”

  He seemed torn. His eyes narrowed. “Then what is it you want from me?”

  I wanted many things. And I knew he’d never give me what I wanted. We would never have a happily ever after. That wasn’t Cruz. It never had been. “Now. Just now. This trip. Nothing more.”

  He didn’t respond right away. He stood there staring at me like he didn’t believe me. He shouldn’t because I wanted more. I just knew I’d never get that. I wasn’t the girl to make him want more. He’d meet her one day and he’d change his mind. He’d be able to be that guy. The one who did relationships.

  I’d heard my parents story a million times. My dad hadn’t been that guy either. My mom had been the one to change his mind. It happened to all of them eventually. I knew I wasn’t that one for Cruz and I should let it go and walk away. But I couldn’t. I wanted to know for just a moment. How it felt to be with him. There was a chance I’d get him out of my head and
heart then. I’d move on and find someone else. That Cruz Kerrington wouldn’t always be in my thoughts.

  “Nothing but this trip?” he repeated my words like a question.

  I nodded.

  “Did you hear the part about ruining me?”

  I gave a small shrug. “We both know that won’t happen. I’m not the one. You haven’t found her yet.”

  He frowned. “The one?”

  “Yes. The one. The girl you’ll want forever with.”

  He shook his head. “You’re messing with my head. I swear.”

  “Are you attracted to me?” I asked him boldly. I could thank those double shots of whiskey for that.

  “That’s not the point here. I don’t know if I can . . . can just have a fling with you, Lila. There are feelings there. I don’t like fucking feelings. Not with women. I can’t hurt you, and that’s what I’ll do.”

  I took a step toward him, placed a hand on his chest. This was a gamble, but I was brave right now. I wouldn’t be in the morning. I’d gone this far I needed to push further. “You can’t hurt me if I know the rules. We enjoy this. Have a fling. Then move on like we’ve always been.”

  He dropped his gaze to my hand. “What if you ruin me?”

  “Take a chance,” I whispered.

  “Fuck,” he muttered in reply. Then his hand wrapped around my wrist, and he jerked me up against his body. I barely had time to catch my breath before his mouth was on mine. The taste of our drinks mixed with the headiness that I had won. For now, I had this. It was my decision, and I hoped that this got him out of my system so that I could eventually move on.

  “No more bars,” he said against my mouth. “Back to the hotel. And we’re not staying in two fucking rooms.”

  I didn’t argue. I just gave a nod of my head in agreement. This was it. It better not be a dream.

  Cruz Kerrington

  THERE WERE SMART decisions and stupid decisions. And then there were mistakes. I wasn’t sure where this one landed, but with Lila in my arms smelling like heaven, and the image of her dancing on that table was all that I cared about, at the moment.

  I broke the kiss, grabbed her elbow and headed for the hotel. We were staying at a hotel just a few blocks ahead on the corner of Canal and Bourbon. I realized, as I all but ran without speaking, that deep down I was worried she’d sober up and change her mind. If I were half the fucking man I should be, I wouldn’t let her do this tonight while she was drunk . . . while I was drunk.

  But I’d tried to tell her what a screw up I was. She seemed to see more in me than was there. I wanted there to be more. I wanted to meet her expectations. When I was a kid, I had seen the look in her eyes, and I knew she saw me differently than she saw Nate. I loved that. I was different. It made me feel important. Then I’d kissed her, and it had scared me.

  I knew then Lila Kate wasn’t for me. I wasn’t the kind of guy she’d want for long. She’d see too much eventually. It would change her mind. And she’d never gaze at me with that dreamy look in her eyes again. The idea I could lose that caused me to put a wall there. One built by hurting her. It had worked. Until now. Until I’d heard she’d left town and I chased after her, because I couldn’t stand the idea of her finding a life without me in it.

  As we entered the hotel, I paused and glanced down at her. The girl from my childhood. The girl I’d always watched but never allowed myself to get close to. The one I pretended like I didn’t know why she avoided me.

  “Are you sure?” I asked her.

  “Yes.”

  I waited. I needed her to think. Let it all sink in. “We could sleep tonight. Wait until the morning.”

  She smiled. A soft one that made her eyes glow and made me feel like more of a man than I should. “Tonight,” she finally said.

  Fuck if I could ignore that. We would have tonight. If she regretted it in the morning, it might break me. But I was willing to chance it.

  The trip up to her room was short but so many thoughts ran through my mind it felt much longer than it was. She touched her card key to the lock and it flashed green. This was it.

  The door opened. We walked inside. My room was identical to this one. Just next door. I’d made a joke about it when we checked in. I wasn’t joking now. I should be in that room. Alone. It was the right thing to do.

  “Lila,” I said thinking I should stop this.

  She dropped her small shoulder purse on the floor then took the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up over her head. The white lace bra was small and the swell of her breasts looked as if they were about to spill out over the top exposing her nipples. Her shirt dropped to the floor beside her then she reached around and unsnapped her bra. I watched with fascination as the straps slid down her thin tan arms until her bra joined her shirt on the floor. Her round dark nipples pebbled from the chill of the room or from her excitement drawing my attention.

  I moved, closing the space between us. Unable to keep my hands to myself I covered both her breasts with my hands. Although my hands were large they weren’t large enough to take each breast completely. The excess excited me and I squeezed letting the softness tease my hands.

  “Fuck me,” her voice caught as she said the words. Those weren’t words I ever imagined coming from her lips. They didn’t fit Lila Kate. But the way her voice shook as she said them. The way she leaned into me and a soft moan escaped her simply from my touch made this all seem right. Like it was supposed to be. Like we were supposed to be.

  The restraint I had held onto snapped. The naughty side of Lila was too much for a man to take. I grabbed her skirt and jerked it down until she stood there in nothing but a pair of black lace panties. They did little to cover her. Almost pointless unless trying to seduce a man. And I was seduced. I jerked my own shirt off and tossed it away.

  My hands wrapped around her waist and I picked her up and carried her over to the office desk because it was closer than the bed. I sat her down, then pulled her panties off memorizing the way they looked as they slid off her body.

  She shivered and my dick throbbed. This was Lila Kate . . . sweet, innocent, precious Lila Kate. Naughty, wild, needy Lila Kate had taken her place tonight, and I was trembling with anticipation. “What do you want?” I asked her as I unsnapped my jeans. “Tell me exactly what you want me to do.”

  Her eyes went from my bare chest and then locked on my pants as I began to loosen them, then I shoved them down my hips and stepped out of them. “Tell me, Lila,” I demanded. I wasn’t sure why I needed her to say, it but I did. I wanted her to talk dirty. Hear that pretty mouth say bad things. I was very likely to explode at the sound, but I wanted it.

  “I want you,” she whispered.

  “You’ll have to do better than that. Tell me.”

  She swallowed hard and lifted her gaze from my erection pressing through my boxer briefs to my eyes. “I told you. I want you to fuck me, Cruz.”

  That should be enough. I should be happy. But she’d turned me into a sex crazed monster. “You want it gentle?” I asked shoving my briefs down letting my thickened cock free.

  She shook her head slowly. Her eyes wide as she stared at me. “No,” her voice was so soft I almost didn’t hear her.

  “Tell me,” I said as I pushed her thighs apart with my hands and stepped between them. “How do you want to be fucked?” At that last word, her eyes blazed with the same desire I felt.

  “Hard. Fuck me hard.”

  My hands reached under her and grabbed her ass as I slammed into her. That one thrust was like sinking into warm tight satin. “Fuck!” I yelled as her body reacted to the sudden entry by squeezing my dick. It was better than my imagination.

  Her small hands grabbed my arms, nails digging into my flesh. The sting felt amazing. “AH!” she cried out.

  “Is that how hard you want it?” I growled near her ear wanting to pound into her over and over again but doing all I could to control myself.

  “Yes. More,” she panted.

  My fingers dug in
to the flesh of her ass as I pulled back and plunged deeper. Groaning in pleasure, I bit her shoulder, and she began to beg. “Please, harder. I want to feel you there tomorrow.”

  Any sanity I was holding onto left. I picked her up sinking her deeper onto my rigid cock and carried her to the bed where I dropped to the softness with her. Not wanting to pull away. I had to pull out in one quick movement and flip her on her stomach. “Ass in the air,” I ordered.

  She did it without question. On all fours, she stuck it up higher and I was hammering inside her immediately. Her cries became more frantic as did my breathing. I slapped her ass as hard as I could without really meaning to hurt her. Just to make it sting.

  “Oh God!” she screamed. “I’m coming!” her body began to shake and her climax pulsed with my dick still locked inside her. I shook with the need to explode. It felt so fucking amazing it was all I could think about. Just before I lost the small amount of control I had left, I pulled back until I was free from her and cried out her name as my load covered her upturned ass.

  Her body was still quivering, and my legs were weak. Too weak to move. We stayed there. Her head now rested on the bed. All that could be heard was both of us gasping for breath. That had been more. Much more than I expected. It had been addicting. I could tell myself it was too dangerous to do this again, but I’d be a fool. I wanted more. Hell, I wanted more as soon as I could take a deep breath again.

  She began to lower her entire body to the bed.

  “I need to clean you,” I told her enjoying the look of my seed on her skin.

  “M’kay,” she said softly, still sinking until she was pressed completely against the mattress.

  Smiling at the simple beauty of it I found the strength to stand and went to the bathroom to get a wet washcloth. I cleaned her quickly then covered her up. She lifted her head and looked at me. “You’re coming to bed too?”

  Lila’s always perfect hair was mused. Her eyes were heavy, the lashes fanned her cheeks. The flush on her face was still there, and nothing had ever looked so damn beautiful in my life. “Yeah. I am.”