Lyrics of a Small Town Read online

  Saul walked me back to the bedroom and pulled back the covers for me to climb inside. I didn’t say anything as I got in bed. I watched as he undressed but left on his black boxer briefs then joined me. He pulled me to him and tucked my head under his.

  “Where have you been today?” I asked.

  “Lily ended up keeping me until late. She was having a hard day.”

  “Did she have any company?” I asked then.

  “No. She never does.”

  “You stayed with her all day then?” I needed him to tell me. To make it all better.

  “Yeah,” he replied then kissed the top of my head. “Close your eyes. Get some sleep.”

  That was his first lie.

  Thirty-Two

  Even with the late night, my brain had been programmed to wake up at four. I lay in bed and tried to go back to sleep, but it never came. Saul looked so peaceful beside me and I didn’t want to wake him. I stayed in bed, watching him sleep and going over last night’s events.

  He hadn’t told me about Isla, but he had simply been talking to her. It may have been so innocent, he didn’t think to mention it to me last night. Dealing with Lily could have been so stressful that a conversation with a woman he came off the elevator with wasn’t worth remembering.

  By the time six thirty rolled around, I was sure that I had overreacted. I had been to the Evans’ house and I had seen Isla with her daughter. She was a happy little girl. Their house was beautiful and it looked like everything a happy home should look like. My gran had babysat for them, so they could go on dates and business dinners.

  I didn’t know why Saul had not told me where he had been when he got off the elevator with Isla, but it could easily have been a connection to Lily through Gran. My doubting him was unfair. He hadn’t texted me all day, but I knew his mother could be a lot on him. He was a good son. Possibly the best son I had ever known.

  Reaching up, I brushed a curl from his eyes. He was also the most beautiful male I had ever known.

  “Mmm,” he made a low sound in his chest then turned to nuzzle my neck. I tilted it back to give him easier access. “God, you feel good.” His voice was raspy from sleep.

  I slid a leg up onto his hips to get closer to him.

  “Start that and you’re gonna get fucked,” he warned, kissing the skin beneath my ear.

  “I hope so,” I whispered.

  With a growl, Saul flipped me onto my back and was on top of me. I stared up at him, prepared to see lust in his gaze and the dark hunger he got when we had sex. Instead, there was something more. He looked down at me with a deeper yearning. It wasn’t just me that was feeling things but he was too. Either that or I wanted him to feel things so badly I was seeing more to it than there was.

  “I missed you,” he said, running his hand from my neck to my stomach slowly.

  “I missed you too,” I admitted, although it had been one day we hadn’t been together. I found myself always wanting to be near him.

  “I’m addicted to you, Henley,” he said before he took the edges of my panties and began to pull them down my legs.

  We didn’t say anything more. My mind tried to tell me that his being addicted wasn’t a good thing. Addiction wasn’t sexy or romantic. But my body was hungry for his touch and soon it was my body that won over. Every part of me wanted to be with Saul and that want was quickly turning into something so much stronger.

  I was weak when it came to him. Being weak made me vulnerable. I also realized I didn’t care as long as I was with him.

  The coffee was brewing and I pulled out some blueberry muffins from the fridge while Saul took a shower. I had half a loaf of banana bread that I also took out and turned on the oven to warm them up. Gran hadn’t been a fan of microwaves. She was convinced they gave you cancer. She had never owned one in her home. Her reasons for not having a Keurig for her coffee had been more basic. She said the coffee didn’t taste the same as when it was brewed the way it was supposed to be brewed. She also drank Maxwell House so there was that.

  When I heard Saul’s footsteps coming down the hall, I took out a cup and poured him some. Turning to him as he entered, I held it out. “Good morning,” I said.

  He grinned. “Yeah, it is,” he agreed then took the coffee with his right hand and tugged my shirt toward him with his left. When he had me close enough, he kissed me softly. It was moments like this that I found last night hard to believe was something more than innocent. Sure, he hadn’t told me about Isla, but then there was this.

  “I like you not having to leave me at four,” he said, before taking a drink from his cup.

  “Me too. I’m going to work on writing down recipes this morning,” I told him. “About today. What are your plans?”

  “Lily needs to go to an AA meeting,” he said. Which meant he would be taking her if he wanted her to get there.

  “Yesterday Rio came to the shop. He talked to Hillya. She invited us to her house for lunch today to meet, people. That we were related to,” I said, not sure I could call them relatives when I didn’t know they existed until recently.

  He said nothing for a moment and I wondered if he was going to continue to have a jealousy issue with Rio. Which was ridiculous at this point.

  “You going to come to the house after?” he asked me.

  I wasn’t sure. He hadn’t mentioned the party at his house. Rio had been the one to say something about it. “Am I invited?” I asked him.

  His eyebrows drew together in a frown. “What the fuck does that mean?”

  I shrugged. “You didn’t tell me about the party or mention me going. I didn’t know if you wanted me there.”

  Saul stared at me for a moment. His frown started to look more like he was annoyed. “Henley, are we not clear on things?”

  I didn’t know what that meant exactly, which also could mean that we were not clear on things. Saul didn’t verbalize much and when he did, it wasn’t detailed. He was the guyest guy I had ever met.

  “I don’t think I am,” I replied honestly.

  He sat his cup down on the counter and put both his hands on my waist. His gaze locked on mine. “I don’t want to be where you aren’t.”

  Okay, that was extremely sweet, but he was a lot of places I wasn’t like yesterday at the condo with Isla. I didn’t point that out though. “What are we doing?” I asked him.

  “You mean this thing between us?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yes. This thing we are doing. I know we have sex and we are together at some point daily, but is this a fling and will I know when it’s over or-”

  Saul’s mouth was on mine and I didn’t get to finish that thought. He grabbed my head and his fingers threaded through my hair as he held me there. He tasted of mint and coffee. I placed my hands on his chest for support.

  When he ended the kiss, he didn’t pull away from me but kept his face close. Our breaths mingled as our noses touched. “I thought that was clear. You are the only thing that makes me happy.”

  Yes, those words made my heart feel joy and my knees slightly weak, but that wasn’t exactly what I needed to know. Again, if he could be a little more clear and descriptive.

  “So, that means we’re exclusive?” I finally asked.

  His fingers tightened in my hair as if the idea upset him. “Has someone else been talking to you?” he asked.

  “No,” I replied quickly. His jealousy was acting up again and we really needed to work on that. “I just wasn’t sure. If we were dating or exclusive. I want to be exclusive. I mean to me we are. I don’t just have sex with a fling. I’m not… I don’t do that.”

  He inhaled deeply and his fingers loosened in my hair. “I need you,” he said then. “Just you.”

  That was the clearest answer I was going to get from Saul.

  “Okay,” I replied.

  He kissed the tip of my no
se then released my head. “I don’t share, Henley.”

  That was good to hear. I thought of Isla again. “Me either,” I replied.

  He grinned then and reached for his coffee.

  It all seemed right. Nothing about us was normal because Saul was not normal. But I knew being with him was also accepting him the way he was. His world was nothing like most people. There was damage so deep I didn’t think it would ever heal. I could deal with that. It was part of who he was.

  Trusting him was something I had to do. We were new. In time, he would open up more. He was already starting to. I just needed to be patient until he felt safe enough to tell me everything. There was clearly something he was leaving out. I wouldn’t push him and become the crazed jealous girlfriend. I would wait until he was ready to tell me everything. I had to believe in time he would.

  Thirty-Three

  It wasn’t that being at a family gathering for a holiday was new to me. I had gone with many friends over the years to things like this. What was weird was knowing this was my family yet it wasn’t. Rio had handled it well so far, but I could see in his eyes he felt the same as me.

  These were strangers. We may share the same blood, but they were not family. Maybe one day they would feel that way but down deep, I wasn’t sure if that was what I wanted. Hillya had seemed happy to have us here. Emily had introduced me to many people while Hillya spent more time with Rio.

  Seeing photos of Rebel in the house, ranging from a child to a young man had been oddly emotional. Simply because there were pictures of him over the years where I could see myself. Hillya was right; I had his smile. The older he got in the photos, the more of Rio I could see in him.

  A teenage boy who hadn’t thought about repercussions and had been living his life not knowing what the future would hold or that his future was very limited. He’d left kids behind and for Rio, a child in a very bad situation. I was the lucky one. I hadn’t always thought that, but after hearing Rio’s story and witnessing Saul’s, I knew I had an easy life. A normal life even without a dad.

  “It’s weird, isn’t it?” Rio asked and I turned to see him watching me study the photos lined along the mantle. He nodded at the pictures. “Seeing those. The second one from the left could have been me. I looked exactly like that when I was nine.”

  I looked back at the photos and picked up the one he mentioned. I could see Rio in his eyes. I hadn’t seen photos of Rio as a child, but now I wanted to.

  “You have his smile. It’s almost identical,” he said, walking up to stand beside me.

  “I never thought much about my smile until now,” I admitted. “But you’re right. I can see it.”

  He picked up a picture of Rebel in a football uniform, standing with a football tucked under his arm and smiling at the camera. “He was a running back,” he said. “I was too. I played on that same field.”

  “Does it fill the void? Knowing who he was?” I asked. It did for me. It wasn’t the way I thought it would, but the questions were no longer there. Seeing him and the life he had made it better. Something my mother never understood.

  “Yeah, it does. We all deserve to know where we come from.”

  “I have more pictures, albums, if y’all want to see them,” Hillya said and we both turned to her. Neither of us had heard her enter and I wondered how long she had been standing there.

  “I would,” I replied. Seeing more of Rebel’s life wasn’t the same as knowing him, but it still felt like it helped make a connection. One I thought I would never have.

  “Me too,” Rio said.

  Hillya smiled, looking relieved. “I’ll go get them,” she told us and left the room.

  “I want to ask her why my mom left. Why your mom left. If Rebel cared about the fact he had kids,” Rio said quietly.

  I knew this answer or most of it anyway. I wasn’t sure Rio needed to hear it though. “I’m sure in time she will be ready to share that with us. I imagine it’s hard for her too. It was a choice he made and one she couldn’t control.”

  Rio thought about that for a minute. “Yeah, I guess so,” he finally replied. I was glad he wasn’t going to push it right now. I wanted him to get to know Hillya and hear more about our dad before he found out the truth behind Rebel and our mothers.

  It wasn’t until Rio pulled his Jeep into the already crowded driveway that Saul texted. His blue Ford wasn’t amongst the vehicles outside. Rio parked and looked over at me. “That from Saul?” he asked.

  I nodded and opened the text message.

  Saul: Mom isn’t having a good day. I will be late.

  I looked up at Rio. “Lily,” I told him. “She’s not doing well.”

  Rio sighed and shook his head. “Damn. You want to stay or want me to take you home?”

  Saul had said he would be late. He hadn’t said for me to go back to Gran’s. “I’ll stay,” I told him.

  “Alright, just please don’t put on a bikini before he gets here,” he said with a smirk, before climbing out of the truck.

  He may have been smirking, but I also knew he was serious. Saul had gotten better about me swimming in front of Drake and Rio the past week, but I wasn’t sure about the others. Especially if he arrived dark and broody from the stress with Lily.

  I followed Rio into the house and the music was loud. That was never the case when Saul was here. Drake had been left the run of the house and it seemed he was taking full advantage.

  Rio looked at me and rolled his eyes when we entered the living area. The music was even louder inside. It wasn’t just being pumped through the speakers on the balcony. There was clearly a sound system built into the house as well.

  “Rio! Henley!” Benji called out our names as he walked back into the living area from the kitchen. He had a tray of burgers and sausages in his hands.

  “Are y’all fucking deaf?” Rio asked him.

  “That’s all Drake,” he said with a shrug.

  No one else was in the house. From here, I could clearly see the pool, and it seemed to be where everyone was at. Rio walked over and picked up a remote and instantly the music was gone.

  “Need help?” he asked Benji.

  Benji nodded his head toward the kitchen. “Yeah, I need to butter the corn and wrap it in foil to grill,” he replied.

  “I’ll do that,” I offered, needing something to do.

  Rio shrugged. “Fine. I’ll make drinks. What do you want? And don’t say soda because I’ll just put vodka in it.”

  Benji called out a thanks before heading out the door with the meat.

  “I liked the cranberry and vodka Benji made last week,” I told him.

  He grinned. “That’s what I’m talking about. I’ll ruin you yet.” He walked over toward the bar and I went to the kitchen smiling.

  Today had been strange but also good. In all the weirdness, Rio and I had bonded more. We were both faced with the world that had been our father’s. His family. His home. Memories of him. A man neither of us thought we would ever really know about. Although we hadn’t grown up as siblings, there was a connection there that seemed to grow more with every step we took closer to being a part of our father’s world.

  In the kitchen, there was at least thirty corn cobs in a pile on the counter. I went to the fridge and found the butter then began getting them prepared. I decided to add some seasoning salt too. Rio walked in once I got started and put a glass down beside me.

  “Thanks,” I told him.

  Using both hands, he lifted himself up to sit on the counter beside my work space. “I’m not ready to go out there yet,” he said then took a drink of what looked like straight whiskey.

  I understood that. I felt a little drained too from meeting all the people and talking.

  “Are you going to tell your pops about today?” I asked him, knowing he hadn’t mentioned it yet to his grandparents.


  He shrugged. “Not sure. They knew about Hillya, my dad, his family and they didn’t tell me. I haven’t decided if they deserve to know.”

  Rio had a lot of anger to work through toward his grandparents. They loved him and he knew that but the fact they kept it from him was something he didn’t understand. Unlike with me, his mother was dead. Gran had been doing what my mother wanted. If she were still alive and I was finding all this out, I wasn’t so sure I wouldn’t feel as Rio did. Hurt and betrayal came with the lies and hidden facts.

  “It’s a small town,” I reminded him. “Things get around and the fact we were at Hillya’s house today might make it back to them.”

  “I thought of that. If it does then they didn’t hear it from me. Maybe then they’ll understand a tenth of what their lies to me felt like.”

  I couldn’t argue with that. He had every right to be upset. I reached for my drink and took a sip. “This is strong,” I told him.

  “Fuck yeah, it is. Hell, we just spent the day with our dad’s family. It’s not strong enough.”

  I laughed and sat it down. “I guess you’re right.”

  “You know I am. Today was weird as fuck.”

  Glancing at him as I rolled another corn cob into the foil I asked, “But you’re glad we went?”

  He nodded but said nothing else.

  “Ah damn,” Drake said, walking into the kitchen. “What the hell?”

  I turned to look at him.

  “What?” Rio asked.

  Drake waved a hand back and forth between the two of us. “This shit. I know y’all are fucking siblings, but Saul is crazy as hell. He don’t seem to get that memo. Why are you here without him being here? Do you want him to kill us?”

  Rio chuckled. “Shut up and take your drunk ass back outside.”

  Drake shook his head and threw his hands in the air. “Fine, don’t listen to me. I may be fucking drunk but I’m gonna stay my ass outside until Saul gets here.” He pointed at me and told me to stay in here.